He is No Brad Womack....

He is waaaay better. My love language is Words of Affirmation. I want to be told that I am loved and adored and skinny and sexy and smart and...well you get the picture. Like most guys, Sam doesn't always say the right things. But he always shows me he loves me by the stuff he does for me. Here are a few examples of what he has done for me this week:

He installed this bag holder in my pantry today and I only had to ask him once:

My mom saw the state of our plastic bags and bought it for us at Ikea.

He installed a weather app on my ipad. Oh yeah, he bought me an ipad. I think he actually bought the ipad for himself but he leaves it at home and put my email on it and all my stuff and it is basically mine. Back to the weather thing. Every night, I ask him what the weather is going to be like the next day and he always says "I'm not a weatherman." But he always knows. Now I don't need to ask him, but I still will.


He hung this tennis ball in the garage so I can pull my car in to just the right spot. Didn't your grandpas all have the tennis ball hanging in the garage? Mine did. It is so old school.



He made home-made rolls last Sunday and this Sunday. Recipe from my sister here.



He also made crepes when we got home from church and Scotch-a-roos for a treat. Scotch-a-roos are Kryptonite. They are delicious and addicting. Recipe here.

We never cut them into squares--we eat them one row at a time--knife stays in the pan.

He washed my car and cleaned out the inside. He was disgusted with the way I treat it. Bygones. It is a mini van.

He left work early on Friday to take the kids to the zoo with me. He let me wear his coat the whole time because I was stupid and decided not to bring one because it didn't go with my outfit.

Sam holding Buster (his mini-me) on the train.

He let me take a nap today and is babysitting tomorrow night for my Bachelor party and Tuesday night when I go to dinner with my girlfriends. He has watched the kids a ton during the last six weeks while I went to the gym and supported me through Club Phat (a whole nother post!) He will hate this post so I apologize in advance Sam!

Will Brad Choose Emily or Chantel?

You are cordially invited to join me to watch the finale of this season of the Bachelor. It is sure to be the most dramatic finale yet.

When: Monday, March 14th, 2011. The party will start at 7:30 p.m. We will begin the show at 8:00 p.m. It will be DVR'd and we will be skipping the commercials.

Where: My mom's house in Sandy, Utah (theatre room). Email me for directions.

Why: Brad on the big screen for crying out loud.

You are welcome to bring a treat to share. I will provide bottled water, diet cokes and brownies.

I can't wait. I am also celebrating the end of Club Phat which wraps up Monday as well!

Email me at brookeharkness at msn.com so I have an idea of who is coming and I will give you directions.

The Women Tell All

I have had major technical difficulties watching the Women Tell All. But you know I can't leave it alone. Here are my thoughts in condensed format:

*Why did Christ Harrison waste so much time with the Rachel and Melissa conflict? No one cares about them anymore. I didn't even care about them and their stupid feud at the time. They were both short-timers and everyone knew it. Someone needs to pull Rachel aside and get her into some more modest clothing. Ginorm boobs hanging out of every outfit she ever wore on the show (with the world's tightest, shortest dresses and huge calves--not the best look---how is that for catty!)


*I loved the clip of Chantel getting out of the limo in her green dress at the beginning of the season. She looked amazing back then. I want Brad to pick Chantel. I think they are a better match and I love their chemistry. I know I'm in the minority with that. I still think Emily is the cutest and will find love with someone else--hopefully she'll be our next Bachelorette.

*I really really really hope Ashley H. isn't our next Bachelorette. When she showed up with a make-over, it made me really worried. Then she got so much air-time talking about regret. It made me think of Ally right before she was the bachelorette. Ashley blew it with Brad and she would make a boring bachelorette. They were also having her play the peacemaker between Rachel and Melissa and the Michelle fiasco. I've just got a bad feeling Fleise is setting her up to be the next bachelorette. I do think she looks much cuter as a brunette though.


*I was shocked that Shawntel didn't get any air time at all. Did I miss it?

*They are seriously doing a Bachelor Pad 2? Is there anything trashier on this planet? Did you see Kasey (to guard and protect your heart) hooking up with Erica (the princess from Lorenzo's season) at the party? And Sausage and Wes? Good grief--those two are made for each other. Wes moves from Gia to Sausage? That is like moving from filet mignon to well, sausage. I honestly don't know if I can watch it again.

*Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. I know a lot of you have told me you felt bad for her last night. I had moments of sympathy for her. The trashy bartender should never have piled on her about her mothering--totally off limits. What about Emily leaving her daughter to come on the show? No one questions that. But I do think Michelle needs to own how she acted on the show. Sure, I think a lot of what she said was meant to be sarcastic. But there was plenty of stuff that wasn't--like going on and on and on about her birthday, going on and on and on about getting a rose, visiting Brad in his room and lying about it. Jackey got it right. Michelle was a spider and she needs to accept that. She played dirty and I don't feel bad for her even if she does turn on the waterworks--she's an actress remember!


That's all. I am so excited to watch the finale. I'm trying to put something together for anyone who is local to come to my mom's house to watch it in her theatre room. You should see Brad on the big screen....Please comment and say if you would be interested in a shin dig like that. However, if you are a murderer or rapist type, just know my dad will be there running security with his house dog (big gun.)

Fantasy Suite Dates--South Africa

I liked South Africa. I didn't love South Africa. I guess a safari isn't my idea of a dream vacation--I kept thinking I can see giraffes and hippos at the zoo. The lions were pretty cool though. Brad sure liked them!

Let's start with Chantel's date. Let's just say it--Chantel has been packing on the pounds, bless her heart! If I were on the show, I would be be eating celery and working out every minute I wasn't on camera. I think she has put on at least 15 pounds since the show started taping. Did you all see her love handles hanging out the top of her teeny tiny shorts?

In her defense, I liked her thoughts on getting engaged. I think too many couples get engaged on the finale of the show with no real intention to get married. I think she knows if she accepts the ring--it means they are getting married. I don't mind Chantel.


I really do think Brad is the most genuine with Chantel. He is definitely the most relaxed around her. I totally laughed when she got the key to the fantasy suite and it was a tree house. I don't think I could, cough, get to know Brad, cough, in a tree--especially knowing the cameras and crew were camped out down below.

Let's talk about Emily's date. Emily came out looking like a million bucks. Could she be any cuter in the white cut off shorts and tall boots? I loved how she was ticked off for being left there right after Brad showed up. She was like "you had the whole damn day to prepare for this date..." and then he showed up on the elephant. Brad was really cute talking to Emily about her daughter. I really hope he was being sincere about how he knows she is a package deal.


I won't be mad if Brad doesn't pick Emily, but I will be mad if he breaks her heart.

Let's talk about Ashley's disaster date. Of course, it started with Ashley overcoming her fear of helicopters (zzzzzzz) and then they ended up at a picnic at a place the locals call God's Window. The scenery was beautiful but she totally blew it with Brad. Brad was practically begging her to tell him that she loved him, or at least had feelings for him, or would be willing to move to be near him. All she could talk about was her career and how it was the most important thing in her life. Why did she even come on the show? He even pulled her aside at the rose ceremony to give her one last chance to tell him she wanted to stay and she didn't. Then she acted surprised that he sent her packing.


I was shocked that Brad was trying so hard with her. Didn't you all think she was his third pick anyway? It was like Brad was begging her to tell him she loved him. I didn't get it. I'm glad she's gone.

I didn't love Chantel or Emily's dress at the rose ceremony. Either girl is a good pick though. It's not like Jake's season where he had Tenley and Sausage and I knew I would be so mad if he picked Sausage. I want him to pick Emily but I won't care if he picks Chantel. Maybe she is a better fit for him.

Next week is the Women Tell All. I can't wait to see Michelle back with her veiny boobs and her tough talk. Other than that, I don't know if it is worth watching. My sister Ashley is scared to death that Ashley is going to be the next Bachelorette. I say no way. Emily for sure. I'm not going to recap the WTA unless it is just too good to leave alone.

Bowling with the Country Folk

Sam and I took the kids bowling tonight at a bowling alley that one of our friends recommended. We honestly can't remember who recommended it which is a good thing because it was trashy! The place was called "Karen Pullman's Pro shop and Bowling Center."

To get to the bowling alley you walk through this full-service embroidery shop:


And then through this "pro shop":



I tried to get my camera out to take some pictures of the crowd and Sam scolded me. Suffice it to say, the woman in the lane next to us had "Throttle Girl" written across her lower back. I don't know what that means, but it can't be good.

Another guy a couple lanes down had every square inch of his skin covered in tattoos (except his face.) The back of his head was even tattooed.

Then the die-hard bowling teams showed up wearing stuff like this. Notice the hats:



The family next to us brought bags with bowling shoes and bowling balls inside. The dude behind Ryan is actually polishing his ball before his game:



This other guy behind Luke had a towel in his back pocket for wiping his ball or hands or something:



We got the heck out of there as quick as we could. The funny thing is--Sam is a remarkably good bowler. He rolled a 158 and he did most of that with Buster in his other arm.



I'm not ashamed to say that I rolled a 56 and that was using the bumpers--worse than my kids. Somehow, after seeing that crowd, I don't feel too bad.

The Hometown Dates

I love the home town dates. It is probably my favorite episode of the season. It is so funny to meet the parents and see the different houses. I love the "realness" of it. I love that you are seeing people who are forced to be on the show because their daughter signed up for the Bachelor...the nasty sister, the awkward mom, the overprotective dad.

Chantel's date: They started the date by going to Chantel's house where Brad got to meet her THREE animals---Poopsie, Whoopsie and Tinkles or some other crazy names. Animals galore. I'm not an animal fan so that kind of grossed me out. The beer was flowing (hate the tacky beer bottles) and they discussed their future. It was then off to the castle, er, the parent's house. The house was ginormous and they made sure we pretty much saw the whole thing. The pillars--the sculpture, the wine cellar...it was over the top. My sister Ashley was convinced that Brad was going to give the rose to Chantel's dad. Those two definitely hit it off.


I couldn't get over the parent's plastic faces. Both of them have had major work done! Mom could barely talk because her face doesn't move. My friend Mandee texted me that she thinks they might be the Osmonds....hahaha

Ashley's Date: I don't love Ashley, but she is cute and I liked Ashley's date. I liked how they started off at the little restaurant and ate the fries covered in gravy (Disgusting!) I loved how Ashley told Brad she could see his crown--I love real stuff like that. It seems they are always so busy talking about their feelings that I love it when someone actually says something real. I liked how they went and bought the lobsters and vegetables for dinner.



Ashley's family was fine. The sister was pretty nasty with all the tats. I was totally laughing at Brad's talk with Ashley's dad in the storage room/garage. Was there no where else to chat? Also, wasn't that so weird how Ashley's family were all acting like they weren't sure if Ashley wanted to have kids? Also, it totally came out that Ashley is a dental student, not a dentist. I don't know why the producers feel the need to beef everyone up like that. Just like when Ali was the Bachelorette and all the guys were "entrepreneurs"...

I don't get the impression that Brad is really crazy about Ashley. I think she is going home next.

Shawntel's date: I just want to say right out of the gates that I feel bad for Shawntel. She is really sweet and I think the producers convinced her to do all that mortuary stuff. She should never have put him on the table and pulled out the tools. The poor guy looked like he was going to faint. Here is the thing: Shawntel has a real job. Granted it is completely unconventional-but it is a real job. None of the other girls had to take Brad to their place of employment. To her credit, Shawntel was like "if he picks me, he has to get used to this stuff" but she should never have taken him to the crematory and the embalming room. Good grief.


I loved the realness of Shawntel's family and home. I loved the stacks of VHS tapes against the wall, the tin foil over the rolls at dinner, the Lazy boy recliners where Shawntel and her dad had their chat. I felt bad for Shawntel when her dad was giving her the guilt trip about leaving the family biz. I wanted to shout through the TV "Don't even go there Shawntel--you are going home tonight, don't cause a rift with your dad!"



Poor Shawntel did go home. The thing I liked about her was that she was always in a good mood, never emotional, never catty. She was classy on her way out and didn't cry and say she would never find love...she simply said she hoped she would find a guy who would treat her as well as Brad did.

Emily's date: Emily is so dang cute. Sam was watching this episode with me and all he could say over and over and over and over again is how there is no contest. She is going to win. He probably said it 10 times. Should I be worried? Anyway, I thought Brad did a good job with little Ricky. Kids are so hard. I can only imagine how bad my kids would be if I brought the Bachelor home to meet them on National TV--Because it could happen! What? Anyway, kids are unpredictable and I thought the date ended up going well. I liked that they made it about Rickie and played board games and flew the kite and did stuff she would like. I do think it freaked Brad out and made him realize he is not ready for a kid.



I was so mad at Brad for not kissing Emily. He totally blew it. You could tell how mad Emily was at Brad. I liked how she said "If this works out, she is always going to be upstairs asleep." At least she kissed him at the door. I still think she is the front runner but somehow I can't see them together in the end. I really want her as the next Bachelorette so I hope she goes home. I was coveting her house. Wow.

The rose ceremony went down exactly like I thought. Emily looked beautiful. Ashley looked cute. Shawntel's dress was bad but she looked good. Chantel was a disaster. She needs a stylist STAT! No more shiny sausage casing dresses--no more slicked back hair. And am I the only one or did she totally look pregnant? I'm sure it was just a food baby but still. Heaven help her! She is so much cuter in casual clothes with her hair down.

Next week to South Africa. Woo hoo!

I'm Speechless

I really am. My kids have been sick for a week. I've had Buster into the Dr. twice and he is making no progress. Today, I woke up with no voice whatsoever. This has only happened to me about three times in my life. Like I'm not even raspy--I have nothing but a small whisper.

It drives me CRAZY! At first my kids thought it was awesome--but then they realized it is still possible to yell without a voice--you just give them the angry eyes and point and yell whisper.

I just had Luke call in two salads to Rumbi's for Sam to pick up. He jumbled it and I tried to get on the phone and whisper to no avail. I felt helpless and it was awful!

Does anyone have any good home remedies for this?

PS. I've been nominated for Best LDS female Solo blog (I know! What the?) Thank you to whoever nominated me! I'm honored to be considered for anything that legitimizes this place where I talk about the Bachelor and other nonsense.

Update: False alarm. The voting hasn't started yet. Clearly, I'm a novice at this stuff. Thanks for the heads up Ashley! I didn't look at the website very carefully. Right now, nominations are still being taken. The poll comes later. So don't go over there and vote yet. Thanks to all of you who already went over there and said nice things about me!