Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Little Advice for the Ladies

I've been watching The Bachelor since the show started. I missed the season when the older guy with the long hair ended up choosing the hispanic girl that Bob Guinney cut. I think those two are still together. I also missed the Andrew Firestone season. Other than that--I've seen 'em all. I know I shouldn't be bragging about this. It's just a fact.

I've embarrassed myself at more than one of Sam's work parties when I become too animated discussing the show. In case you are wondering, my two favorite bachelors were Andy Baldwin (an officer and a gentlemen!) and prince Lorenzo. Don't be a hater. I just thought he was cute.

Where were we? Oh yeah, so after watching so many episodes, I have some advice for the ladies. Sam always says the show does nothing to advance the cause of women. It's because they make fools of themselves. So here are some words of wisdom to help them out.

1. Don't get drunk. I know the alcohol is free and flowing--remember, you are there to find true love. Don't get wasted.

2. Don't do party tricks on the first night. Remember last season when that one girl ripped open a beer can with her teeth? Then that other one did a back handspring in her dress. Still another pulled the bachelor aside and sang him a song in her best opera voice. None of this is getting you anywhere. We are all cringing at home. Stop.

3. Never, under any circumstances, remove your panties and give them to the bachelor.

4. Don't be catty--at least have the good sense not to slander another girl on camera--it is unbecoming.

5. Leave with dignity. Don't cry, don't swear, don't go crazy. Don't say how it was meant to be. Don't talk about the wedding you had all planned out for you and Jason. Just go quietly into the night.

Now that we have that all cleared up, one of my favorite bloggers Mandee did a post about The Bachelor. Her husband thinks this season is going to be the most dramatic rose ceremony yet when Jason chooses the host Chris Harrison. I'll be watching!


Pandy said...

I can't say much since I've never see The Bachelor. However, I think your advice to the ladies is good for whatever the situation.

I've never tried opening a beer can with my teeth. Now there's something interesting to pursue!

The Mostess said...

Am I the only woman in America who has never watched this show? Not even once, people.

But your rules are sort of universal, and apply to *all* ladies looking for love.

Unless you're on the Rock of Love bus with Bret Michaels--in that case, you should always get drunk, give him your panties (if you brought any on the bus in the first place) and then scream profanities when he tells you "your tour ends here." Because he likes crazy, and this will make him ask you to come back and have another shot at love with him. Lucky ladies! ;)

Ashley said...

I still like Brad Womack. And I like him even better for not picking any of the ladies. He was true to his heart. It was the most shocking rose ceremony in Bachelor history.

The Bachelor is so good bc even though it is The Bachelor, it is real. There are real people with real feelings who get hurt, and that makes for good tv.

How could you forget Byron and Mary's names when they are dragged back for every single After the Rose?

I am really looking forward to the rest of this season bc it is supposed to be the most romantic in Bachelor history.

Tyler said...

The Bachelor, like Coke, was one of Ashley's true loves that caused me to seriously question our relationship pre-engagement.

Contrast that with last night, when, at one point, I asked Ashley to skip back in our recording of The Bachelor because I missed something. I've never felt more self-loathing than I did at that moment.

Shelly B. said...

This is the first season I've watched in quite a few, but I am so addicted it is not even funny. I am loving it! Some of those girls are just CRAZY, I tell ya...which is the best part! I love watching the crazies! And I am rooting for Melissa. I think she's a doll!

Kelly said...

I have to add a footnote to the ladies: Do Not badmouth other girls in the house to the Bachelor. Even if he asks you to. I really like Lauren and was still so put out that she did that.

I have seen every season except the ODonnell brother and Mary. My favorite of all time was Andrew Firestone. I appreciate Jason because he seems to have more tact than previous bachelors, making painful situations a little less so (i.e. Brazilian girl in the car).

Sam said...

Like Brooke said, I firmly believe The Bachelor has done more damage to the advancement of women than any other event in modern history.

Just when you think someone could not act more childish, more irrational, more malicious, etc., the contestants deliver time and time again.

It may make for good television, but it comes at a price. Would anyone really want their sister and/or daughter to go on the show?

Kelly said...

I have never watched a full season of the Bachelor...I watch here and there episodes. However, I think your advice is good for any woman on reality T.V. I will say that I read in some sleazy magazine somewhere that he does really find true love and that they are still together and making marriage plans. Does this help rest the hearts of anyone? About the beer can with your teeth, come on, if that really impresses anyone, then neither of them are worth it.

Mandee said...

I let my 14 year old daughter watch The Bchelorette with me, but she is not allowed to watch The Bachelor. Because watching 25 men begging for the attention of 1 woman is TOTALLY different than watching 25 hoochies claw eachother over 1 man.

That said- the Andrew Firestone season was one of my favorites. Probably my top. Then Brad Womack- because now I LOVE that he dumped DeAnna. I actually liked Jenny better, anyway.

And my advice-

1. If you vomit in the middle of the rose ceremony, just walk out the door, get in the limo, and go home.

2. Don't try to kiss the air. Try to kiss him at least on the cheek.

3. Cover yourselves up. Seriously, the cutest girl at the last rose ceremony was Lauren. Not one bit of cleavage.

And that's all I have to say about that. Thanks for the shout out. My husband will be flattered.

Mandee said...

And we should meet at Kneaders for lunch on Tuesdays to talk about The Bachelor. Cause that would be so fun! And delicious.

brooke said...

you're on. How about next Tuesday? Email me!! I thought that was so awkward when that girl kissed the air! Also, I loved that Brad Womack didn't choose anyone. It was real, it was raw--it made for great tv. I can still hear his cute southern accent saying "I'm going to have to say good-bye."

Anonymous said...

I found your blog, (I can't even remember how) and just wanted to let you know how much I love it! You are my favorite blog! Your sense of humor, style, etc just crack me up! I really enjoy it and and can relate to the things you write! Thanks for keeping me laughing! And thanks for blogging!

Becky (Pugmire) Hamilton

Dave and Christine said...

First things first, word on the street (a couple months ago) was that Mary assaulted Byron and they broke up.

Second, we owe Trista and Ryan a thanks for getting married and producing super cute kids. I feel that this show wouldn't be on still unless there was extreme success somewhere.

Third, I have a feeling this season's ending is going to be great! Jason doesn't seem like the usual spoiled dingbat guy who is usually on this show exploiting drunk immature girls.

Long live The Bachelor(The Bachelorette)!

Amy said...

I have seen several season, but not all of them. I watched the first two of this season, and really like Jason. I totally forgot to watch it Monday night, and I don't have it on my dvr-dang! You're advice for the women is spot on. There are so many cringe-worthy thing that they do. Why?? I guess that's why we all keep watching. LIke a car wreck. You don't want see it, but you can't look away

Amy M. said...

Oh, what a fun post. Amen on your advice for the ladies. They are ridiculous. I've watched all the seasons too. Let's discuss more during gourmet night.

Alexandra said...

This might be the most hilarious post I have ever read.

Linda said...

Now that others have fessed up to watching the Bachelor - I will admit that I watch every Mon. night while Paul is teaching at BYU law school. (what is wrong with that picture??) Anyway, I couldn't watch it Monday night because Pablo was home - Martin Luther King holiday -- so I DVR'd it and watched tonight while he was gone. I am totally cheering for Stephanie - one of the two girls with any class and style and brains. I am so happy that Natalie was sent packing after the only thing she could say about herself was that she loved shopping, shoes and bears - any kind of bears! Kudos to Jason for getting rid of her. Can I come to lunch next Tues??

Ashley said...

Oh Mom, Stephanie is so sweet and has a sweet bod but she is so wrong for Jason.

Corinne said...

too funny. i am totally into this season. i actually went to school with one of the girls on the show. do you remember treasure? too bad she didn't make it past the first night.

sheryl said...

I am sad to say I didn't even realize the show was still on. I like it the one time I saw it...a hundred years ago.

sheryl said...

p.s. Linda watches tv? WOW!

Ashley said...

Tonight was fabulous. The 5 remaining women are all classy and nice. Next week is supposed to be the most dramatic rose ceremony ever! It's going to be good.