Sunday, July 19, 2009

10 Rules for a Successful Road Trip with Kids

I want to apologize for leaving you with the Bachelorette post for 6 straight days. We just returned from a short road trip to Sun Valley, Idaho. We had a great time and that post is coming but for now, I want to lay down my law for road trips with kids.

1. Pack the car to the gills. You are driving, not flying, so you don't have weight restrictions. Milk it. We had so much shiz this time that we borrowed my in-laws car just to make it all fit. We are talking 5 bikes, a jogging stroller, a regular stroller, a bike trailer, all of our luggage, a pack-in-play, inflatable pool toys (fully inflated) and a partridge in a pear tree. It just so happened that our condo was on the third floor. The husband loved hauling it all up two flights of stairs!


2. Bring a bag of good hooch (non-messy, non-chocolate hooch) and a cooler of drinks. You will be stopping at gas stations along the way to get your fountain diet coke and more hooch but these are your staples.


3. Feed said hooch to fat baby in the back for five hours straight to keep him quiet.


4. Buy DVD system for your vehicle. This is non-negotiable. If you didn't have these rules when you were at the dealership--do not despair. The after-market DVD system is even nicer and larger than one that comes with the car.

5. Put your feet on the dash and admire your pedicure. Crank the tunes and make your kids wear headphones for the DVD in the back.


6. Listen to your husband's best rendition of Kenny Roger's "The Gambler."




7. Pull off to the side of the highway when your 4 year old won't stop crying. Pull her out of the car and threaten to leave her there just like your mom did when you were that age.

8. Don't forget to put her back in the car. When any child falls asleep, put the pedal to the metal and drive like the wind. Don't stop for any reason. This is sacred time.


9. Eat at McDonald's for every meal. Justify the large shake because you are on a roadie. Let your kids play in the play land for 1/2 hour. Pray they don't get AIDS.


10. When you see your friends ahead of you on the highway, yell to your 6 yr old to jump into the front seat and prepare to do a "pressed ham" in the window as you pass your friends. I'm just making this up. Who would really do this? Seriously. Expect your 6 yr old to talk about the incident the rest of the trip.


What are your rules for road-tripping with children?

19 comments:

Linda said...

I just have to say. . .yes, the old "we're gonna leave you here on the side of the road" was a good threat while you kids were young enough to believe it. Guilty as charged. . .but at least we never had you kids doing "pressed ham" in the windows. BOTH kids were delighted to give us the re-enactment at your condo's patio doors later that day. We won't take credit for that one, although it was pretty funny.

sheryl said...

travel has come a long way! I would have loved the dvd set up. I always wished for a button that sent a tazzar shock to the child causing the most comotion. I guess car seats/booster seats would have helped. When we traveled from the east we rarely stopped for kid bathroom breaks. The running board on the big van worked as a great platform. Shelly would cheer Ben to shoot further. Then she said, "my penis is too small to shoot so far."

The Mostess said...

Clearly I am a non-contributor in this category since my ovaries are currently falling into a non-compliant state. However....

From my time spent in the South, hooch is *not* a bag of treats. That's booty. Hooch is when you dump a bunch of fruit and alcohol in a big cooler with a spigot and let it sit for a few days. Then you drain said liquid from spigot and consume. My sister's friend's dad made up a "celebration batch" for graduation night. Responsible Parenting 101.

I like your ideas. Crap food, DVD's, Mcd's (redundant, since I already said crap food), bribery, nudity, kid yelling on the roadside, and packing to the hilt. I'm so glad you had a great time. You're such a fun mom! And Sam makes a great Kenny.

PS...you should totes come out for my New Moon party. Save the date. How fun would that be?? Answer: WAY!!

Brandi said...

I didn't know what a pressed ham was until I saw Lukes little pressed ham up against the window. I yelled to the girls, "don't look out the window". Which made them look out the window and scream in horror. They are still confused on what the heck Luke was doing.
Can't wait until next year.

Liz said...

Linda...I was in your car once when you threatened that to Rex. I do it all the time. I must have licorice while traveling, but Kenny Rogers is NOT allowed.

Jill Tew said...

I wish you had a picture of the pressed ham.:) And I'm impressed how much stuff you packed in! We didn't have an inch to spare when we went camping a few weeks ago, and we didn't even take bikes. But I guess you had an extra row to fill...whereas we were filled with carseats.

Steven's road trip must-sunflower seeds.

Sam said...

Kenny Rogers' greatest hits is a must for any road trip. Who isn't touched by the timeless classics of "The Gambler," "Lucille," "Coward of the County," and "Don't Fall in Love with a Dreamer"? And the duet with Sheena Easton, "We've Got Tonight," is a power ballad unlike any other. Raw emotion.

I was disappointed that "Reuben James" was not on the disc, but at least we had Lionel Richie's greatest hits as a back up.

Hate the game, not the player.

Linde said...

That is soooo funny! I agree with flying like the wind when they are sleeping.

Glad you remembered to put Sammy back in the car. :)

Ashley said...

KRog is good tunes, even if he is anti-Mo. I am impressed with how much shiz you hauled. It must have been a lot if you needed to borrow something bigger than the mini. Am I correct in recalling that onceMom actually did make us get out of the car on the side of the road, and, knowing that she would be back, we considered hiding so she'd think we'd be kidnapped? We are going on a long road trip in a couple weeks. I plan to follow all your advice. I think we're planning on some late night driving to maximize kids' sleep time. I might even strive for mom-of-the-year by researching some parks that we can stop at along the way. Or I might decide that with enough oreos and chicken nuggets, the kids can survive 11 straight hours.

Ashley said...

P.S. I accept your apology for leaving your last post for so long. I refuse to watch the men tell all tonight. I don't blame you if you do the same. But, if you watch and post about the highlights, I'll greatly appreciate.

Linda said...

Ashley, I predict that you will be watching. . .along with the rest of us.

Em said...

I swear, between you, Ashley, and the rockin' advice that comes from both of you, when the kids finally come I'm going to be the coolest mom EVA'.

Jaime said...

No. 7 is definitely my favorite. I just hope you said at some point some version of, "Stop crying before I give you something to cry about!". Please tell me either you or Sam threw that one out there. I look forward to tossing that faux-threat out there.

Amy M. said...

Your baby's lips are the cutest ever.
My 6 year old would totally get a kick out of doing a pressed ham (nice term, BTW) and I must admit, we would probably encourage it.

Pandy said...

Here's the best tip for a great road trip.......leave the kids at home and go with a bunch of girlfriends. I'll let you know how it goes when I return from my trip to Newport Beach with my friends on Tuesday.

Amy said...

Your list is perfect, minus one thing. The Travel John. This little beauty makes it so the only stopping you have to do is for food. It's basically a tube, with the same stuff that's in diapers that soaks up all the pee. It holds 2 or 3 pees, and it instantly gels. Never stinks! I think these little beauties saved Colton's life. He's a peer and we use to have to stop constantly for him. We went from SLC to PHX - 12 hours - and only stopped 1 time for gas, and 1 time for dinner!

Em said...

I am totally down with the hooch on long trips. Ok, any trip. And growing up we had Twizzlers on every trip. Yes, every trip.

That picture of your little Ryan is so precious!

Regarding your Gymboree incident, once you take it to corporate and win, I think you should blog it, chronicling the entire incident. I'm completely intrigued. And impressed.

Em said...

It's been a while since I've looked at your blog and didn't realize I'd already commented on this post. Sorry! The move is really getting to me.

Julie P said...

i followed a link here from Denae and holy cow you're cracking me up. This post is great. And none of my friends watched the Batchelorette with me this season, so how much do I wish I found your blog when it was still on? A bunch.