Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Bachelorette: Living Like a Gypsy King

I loved last night's episode of the Bachelorette.  Emily has some spunk and I'm so glad she sent Alesandro packing during the cocktail party.  His little rant about how "marrying a woman with a child is a compromise" made no sense.  It just made Emily mad.  And I'm not sure he even understands what the word compromise means.  His intonation pattern was hilarious.  I laughed out loud when he talked about living like a gypsy king.  He said it again in his exit interview in the limo!  The best was when he said to Emily, "you don't plan for a kids and a family..it just happens.  Like you forget to use protection one night and BAM!  You're a dad!  He may be the stupidest guy ever on the history of the show:

Let's start at the beginning.  I only got to see the first part of Emily's date with Chris because our DVR crapped out and skipped ahead to the group date.  Did anyone else see the whole date?  I heard I missed Luke Bryan.  Bummer.  I like Chris but I don't see why she thinks he is so hot.  I loved it when Chris said, "Emily looks really hot in a harness."  Seriously?

I thought the group date was lame.  Like bringing in a bunch of kids and asking these guys to play with them will show Emily what kind of dad they would be.  Anyone can be enthusiastic and fun for a twenty minutes with someone else's kid on a playground.  I'm just glad no one has a hidden camera on me when I take my kids to the park.  I'm usually sitting on a bench texting or complaining to a friend about the heat/cold/wind. 

The best part of the date was Emily's blond friend asking the guys the questions like "have you ever had a one night stand? or "have you ever cheated on your girlfriend?"  I loved when she starting telling Sean how hot he was.  I thought she stole the show.  Sean and Doug were the clear favorites with the  Emily's friends.  Sean knows all the right things to say and I think he is genuine.  We will see.  Doug still bugs me.  He is a little too intense and plays the dad card too hard.  I do feel bad for him with his story about growing up in foster care.

And were you all dying at Ryan when he said he wants Emily to stay in shape after they get married.  If she gets fat, he "would love her but wouldn't love ON her."  Sheesh.  That was classic and HE STILL GOT A ROSE.  Idiot. 

I loved how she sent Tony home because he missed his son and she didn't see a future with him.  I thought she was really classy about it.  She continues to impress me.

I still really like Jef.  And yes, Kaari, he only has one F.  His hair kind of bugs me but I can get over it.

And speaking of bad hair, who the heck is this guy?  He never speaks.

I was hoping she would cut Kalen on the spot when he demanded that Emily let him finish when she interrupted him.  He looked awful last night and I died that he still got the rose.  I am convinced the producers made her give it to him.  I loved Emily's line "I love tall, skinny and funny.  I don't love tall, skinny and condescending."  Amen sister.

Travis, aka (Horton..thanks Greg for the nickname) decided that it was time to get rid of the stupid ostrich egg.  Don't you love how the producers used that clip of Emily throwing the egg in the previews to make it look like she was mad at Travis.  I wish she was.  He is a baffoon.

Are we all loving Arie?  He is so cute and they are cute together.  He will be in the final two.  That was a really cute date at Dollywood.  I have a soft spot in my heart for Dolly Parton. That woman has abused the plastic surgery but she is still one of my favorites. 

Next week, we are off to Bermuda.  I predict the fireworks will start and she will be kissing everyone.  I think Arie is the only guy she has kissed so far.  Good for her!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Bachelorette...Muppets Take North Carolina

It is past midnight but I can't let another day go by without giving you my thoughts on this week's show.  I am loving Emily.  She is so darling and I think her personality is really coming out more this season.  So here are my quick thoughts...I will add photos later...I gotta get to bed!

*Ryan.  I'm not a fan ladies.  He seems cocky to me and sorta miffed that he had to go to Emily's house and make cookies on his date.  I thought he would be thrilled to get into her personal space like that.  I have to admit I think that super long letter was a turn off.  He chose the worst time to give it to her...and monopolized way too much time at the coctail party.  I don't like him.  He seems fake to me.  Don't forget he wore no tie to the cocktail party with his shirt unbuttoned half way down.  C'mon, Seriously!

*I know I am going to take flak for this but I loved the Muppets date.  I thought it was darling and funny and original.  For once, Fleiss got it right.  Thank you for not putting us through another filming of a fake soap opera!  I would have liked to have seen more of the singing, dancing and stand up but maybe that was all there was.

*My very favorite outfit on Emily was the pink sparkly skirt and white tank top in the Muppets show.  She looked so cute in that.  I wish I could rock an outfit like that.

*I am crushing on Jef.  I know!!  I'm a grown woman and he seems like such a teenager but he is cute and I'm so glad someone good is representing Zion!  Emily loves him too.  You wait.

*Doug is an idiot.  I'm calling it right now.  If someone leaves their kid for 6-8 weeks to go on the bachelor/bachelorette, they ARE putting their role as a parent on hold.  Emily did it last season and yes, Doug, you are doing it now (even if your kid told you to go.)

*Everyone is being too hard on Kalen.  Yes, he is over-the-top.  Yes his lips are too shiny and he seems like a little boy trying too hard.  I don't like him and he will be going home soon enough.  But he is taking too much grief for nothing.  He was classy about not making Emily decide between him and Aaron (and yay that Emily sent Aaron packing for being so rude in that exchange.)

*Stevie is sooo unattractive.  I can barely look at him.  Please Emily, send.him.home.

*Still dying at the two Alejandro/Alesandro...do they ever talk?  Are the producers making her keep them for diversity?

*Poor Joe.  He was nice but I run into this same problem dating.  Some guys are so great, so nice but you just know you can't marry them or there is no spark.  Gotta let 'em go.  She did the right thing.  I could totally relate to her when she said she wished the date had gone badly or that something could have given him a warning that it wasn't going to work out.  She is a good person.  And his answer about where he sees himself in five years was ridiculous.

*I think it is nice of Emily's mom to babysit Ricki while Emily does this stuff.  However, I thought Emily's mom looked a little sleazy in those cut out sleeves....mutton dressed as lamb? 

*I like Chris.  He seems like a super nice guy.  Do we think he's hot?  Emily goes on and on about how attractive he is.  I ain't seeing it.  Remember he was the bobble head guy.

*Dave "Wolf" seems like a good guy.  Someone mentioned in the comments that he is a "document destruction specialist"...like he shreds paper for a living?

K, what am I missing ladies (and Greg?)

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Goldilocks Bike Ride

I love all things girlie.  I also love to be active.  On Saturday, I did a ride that was the perfect combination of both.  It's called Goldilocks and it is a ladies' only ride. This was my first time being outside on a road bike.  I spin at the gym every week but I have to admit I was really nervous to clip in on a bike (you have to remember to unclip at lights or you tip over!), shift gears, and ride in traffic. 

But it was so so fun.  I had no reason to worry.  I felt very safe on the road since we were part of such a big event and cars were aware of us.  When we arrived in the morning, there was an awesome porridge buffet (oatmeal with lots of fruit and yummy toppings.)  I didn't know there was going to be breakfast and I had already eaten, dang it.  I wish I had my camera at that point to take a picture of the darling table.

They gave us the cutest box of swag--darling fitted t-shirt and other goodies. 

You could choose to do 20, 40, 60, 80 or 100 miles.  Susan and I had decided to do 40 and our friends were doing 60.  However, Sus and I missed the turn off for 40 so we were locked into 60.  Here we are at the aid station after ten miles:

The aid stations had red vines, oreos, candy, fruit, peanut butter sandwiches, water, crystal light...nothing was overlooked. 

There were men in Papa Bear t-shirts taking our bikes from us and helping out.  (If you get a flat tire on the course, you just call a cell number and a Papa Bear comes to fix it...love that!)

Lunch was amazing too.  Look how cute the tables were decorated..yes, that mattered to me:

Yummy food:

Legs covered in grease (I don't know how that happened!)

Everything was going great until we hit about mile 50.  Then the fun ran out.  My bum was hurting, my toes were asleep.  With three miles left, we pulled over to wait for someone to catch up and I begged Lori to go get the car and pick me up.  I was that spent. 

But I soldiered on and made it back.  They had these yummy shaved ice/ice-cream sundaes with fruit as our reward.  I still begged my friends to carry me to the car but they selfishly refused.

My only regret was not purchasing the darling Goldilocks jersey to wear:

I have already signed up for 2013 because the thing sells out every year.  They are keeping the registration open until Saturday for next year's ride.  It is already a quarter full right now and if you sign up now, you get a $10.00 discount.  I have no affiliation with Goldilocks but I thought it was so fun, I encourage everyone to do it next year!

Sign up here.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Bachelorette...I Miss Brad Already

Was I the the only one who immediately missed Brad during the clips of Brad and Emily at the beginning of the episode?  I'm sorry, but whoever wins Emily's heart has big shoes to fill.  Big, hot shoes.  Dang.  At least we won't be looking at Ben's awful mug this season.

Alright, so we've got who we've got and I have a few early favorites.  Arie anyone?  Yes please.  He is a hottie.  He doesn't say much but that's okay.  He's mysterious and he's got the race car driver thing going.  He's going far...you heard it hear first.  I've got a sixth sense for these things.  And I saw him a lot in the preview for the season.

I also like Nate...I don't think that dude said a single word.  But in this arena, less is more!  And he has a real job...accountant!

What about Jef from SLC?  The jury is still out.  I kind of like him.  Emily likes him.  Please just let him represent well.  SLC needs some redemption after Michelle and Bentley.  And speaking of the world's biggest D-bag, if they let Bentley make an appearance this season, I will be so ticked.

Emily clearly likes Chris (Bobble head disaster) and Doug (single dad, first impression rose)  I like single dads but I didn't like how Doug brought the letter from his son.  It was cheesy and seemed like Doug wrote it himself.

Let's talk about the dark horses who didn't get much air time.  I am digging Charlie (gotta love that deep voice..don't love his profession...recruiter?  What does that mean?  I am guessing for the Army. 

I also like the biology teacher.  He is cute.  Did you hear Emily say she failed both Chemistry and Biology.  That was funny.

I wanted to hide my head in the pillow when the dude came out of the limo in the green shirt and vest with the boom box and danced.  He is not cute and he was making the worst faces at the helicopter dude.  I wish she sent him home.

Speaking of helicopter dude, I'm not impressed.  His lips seem too shiny and he is eager.  I will admit that I sort of liked him for a minute when he talked about being raised by a single mom but he is still a tool.  He'll be going home shortly.  But I do think he took too much abuse from the guys about showing up in a chopper.  Like showing up dressed as a grandma or with a glass slipper or freaking ostrich egg was better?  What is a Luxury Brand Consultant anyway?

I love watching darling Emily and I think it is cool that she is living in her own house taking care of her daughter during the show.  Props to her for that.  But she can stop saying "I know, right?"  That expression gets old.

Finally, to the pathetic dudes at the end who got cut--Brent, (single dad of 6) you aren't going to find anyone.  Sorry!  If you are so pathetic that you cry after one night and say you aren't going to ever find love, you won't.

And to do the fitness model in the pink shirt with the six pack.  We hate you and your abs.  No one likes a showoff, now get lost!

Finally, the biggest surprise of the night was seeing Sean in all the preview clips kissing Emily.  Who is this guy?

It's going to be a good season, I can feel it!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Set the DVR!

This season of the Bachelorette couldn't come soon enough.  I need something to live for! The show is filming in Emily's hometown in North Carolina. You know the drill..tomorrow night, I will be baking a pan of brownies and eating them with a fork straight from the pan.  Who is with me?

p.s.  Ashley texted me a couple days ago to let me know Chris Harrison just got divorced.  My first thought was "so he is available?"  Then I realized I have no chance with him and I am now hoping he is our next bachelor..wouldn't that be something?  The tables have turned.  Brad could come back and host.  I'm writing Fleiss..You know Fleiss wants what we want and we want Chris as our next Bachelor.  Join my grassroots campaign!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

You're Doing Okay Mom!

Have you seen this commercial? 

It is my new favorite.  It makes me cry because I remember very distinctly what it was like to bring my first baby, Luke, home from the hospital.  I had no clue what I was doing with nursing and it would take two hours for Luke to eat.  When he was done, I had an hour and it was time to start all over again.  We did this Around.The.Clock.  I was up all night, every night.  I was a basket case.  I was stressed.  I thought I was doing everything wrong and I would look at moms in the ward with four kids and wonder how the heck they were doing it.  I remember saying to Sam, "It will be a miracle if I can just keep this baby alive for the first year."

Well, fast forward almost nine years.  Luke is alive and kicking.  And I still make all my mistakes on him.  When I am having a really bad day (like yesterday when the house is a disaster, I am running kids from thing to thing to thing, my whiny two year old won't stop crying at Sammie's dance dress rehearsal and insists on being on stage, and I can't find Ryan's $%^%* soccer socks, and then Luke tosses a block at Ryan and it hits him in the mouth and I completely lose my cool.)  I go crazy on Luke when what I really want to scream is that it is hard doing it alone and I am stressed and life wasn't supposed to turn out like this and it's Mother's Day weekend for crying out loud..But I can't. I just get mad at Luke about something that really is no big deal. 

When Sam came last night and picked up the kids, Luke got in Sam's car with tears in his eyes and wouldn't look at me to say goodbye. I went on with my night, heartsick about the way I lost my temper.  I felt like a failure.  Then I saw that commercial and I wept like a baby.  Because I remember feeling like a failure back then and knowing now how I was anything but.  I am proud of myself as a young terrified mother and I am cutting myself some slack now too. 

I guess the point of this post is to say to all the mother's out there...we are doing okay, maybe even better than okay.  We are doing our best and sometimes that is good enough.

And to my own Mom, who always did way better than okay, I love you so much.  I hope you know that.  I don't say thank you enough for being my counselor, babysitter, cheerleader and best friend.  Happy Mother's Day!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Warner Women Weekend

This last weekend, the women in my family (my mom, my sister Ashley, my sis-in-law Katie, my sis-in-law Sarah and I) went to Scottsdale, AZ for a girls' weekend.  If anyone is wondering why I am traveling like I have money to burn, it is because I had a bunch of credit at Delta airlines I had to blow before May 29th, and these ladies were happy to come along to keep me company.  I chose Scottsdale because I wanted to go somewhere roasting hot where I could lay by a pool and relax.  There were some naysayers who thought Scottsdale would be like roasting in Hell this time of year but it turned out to be perfect.

I give you the Top 10 moments of the trip in the same format as my annual Christmas card (Best of Times, Worst of times...)

1.  We got hours and hours of pool time to lay on a lounge chair without having to watch children. (Thank you Hapari for the swimsuits!)

Instead, we got to watch these two guys in front of us..both in speedo like "hot shorts."  They were playing Lady Gaga on an ipod with speakers..I give them props for their music choice.

2.  We found some wonderful restaurants thanks to my friend Andrea who knows all the good places to eat (and has the best blog).  The Green House for lunch was a favorite.

In an attempt to offset some of the binge eating, we got up "early" (about 10:00am) one morning to work and found the worst fitness room ever with broken equipment, and no air conditioning (in AZ!!)  Ashley remained in her bed that morning and proved to be the wisest among us.

3.  We went to Bandera one night for dinner...great rotisserie chicken, cornbread, banana cream pie. (another recommendation of Andrea's.)

We ate at the bar because there were no tables and I quickly discovered how cute the bartender was.  After a few exchanges (one where he put his hand on my back) I turned into a giggly school girl and couldn't recover for the life of me.  Every time he spoke to us, Ashley and I would start giggling uncontrollably.  I have no hope in the dating scene.

4.  In the room at night, Ashley and Sarah bonded over a gigantic puzzle and lots of Triple Play chocolate trail mix.

Ashley would then retire to the bed we were sharing and selfishly refused to let me put my cold feet on her legs.  As retribution, I am posting this photo of Ashley's disgusting hairbrush.  She doesn't see anything wrong with this:

5.  Back at the pool, I was able to score free diet coke from the pool boy and got about half way through my book "Unbroken."

My mom found a pool noodle that she floated around on for much for much of the day.  Ashley speculated about how many crotches that noodle had been shoved between.  Later in the day, we saw that same noodle in some pretty nasty places...I will spare you the photos.

6.  We were able to meet up with my aunt Ruth, and my cousins Heidi and Amy for dinner one night at a Mexican Restaurant.  Amy and Heidi are absolutely hilarious and I am still laughing about some of the conversation.

It happened to be Cinco de Mayo and the place was a zoo.  I had to go back into the kitchen to get my own refills of diet coke.

7.  We didn't do a lot of shopping but we were very excited to hit Last Chance (where all the clothes that get returned to Nordstrom go when they can't be resold at Nordstrom or the Rack.)

We were very disappointed to learn the place should be called Nordstrom D.I.  It was pretty gross.  Ashley found this lovely fur coat and was seriously considering it...she is always freezing..but she lives in the Bay Area and knew she would be attacked for wearing it.

8.  One night, we went to see the movie "The Lucky One" with Zac Efron.  It was every bit as cheesy and awful as it looks.

There was a preview for a movie where Channing Tatum and Mathew Mcconaughey are male strippers.  It was marketed to all of us ladies going to see cheesy chic flicks like "the Lucky One."   Are you kidding me?  Have we really come to this?  It is a sure sign of the Apocalypse.

9.  The funnest part of the trip was enjoying each other and all the good girl talk.

We all seemed to be wearing the same thing everywhere we went.  On the last day, Sarah didn't get the memo about the white shorts so she didn't get to be in this photo:

10.  On Sunday, we enjoyed our last meal at CPK (Hi Kaari!)  It was delicious.

Sadly, we now have to return to real life.  I can't wait to do it again next year!

Ashley did a post on this same material.  So if you are hankerin' for more...go here.