Goldilocks Bike Ride in the Rain

Last Saturday, I rode in the Goldilocks bike ride again.  I was so excited to do it because I had enlisted more friends to ride with us and I loved last year's event so much.  I knew the forecast was calling for rain so I ran out the day before and bought a light rain shell.  But I was totally unprepared for how freezing cold it was going to be.

Here is what I was wearing the day before on a ride around my neighborhood so you can imagine that I wasn't anticipating the cold:

We got there that morning--ate the yummy porridge and fruit breakfast, picked up our swag bags, and took the obligatory photos.  At this point it started POURING rain.  We were all soaked before we even got on our bikes!

I feel like I am a pretty tough person most of the time.  I can push myself when I am working out through pain and rely on mental grit. (Stop laughing Sam!)  But nothing makes me give up faster than being cold (and wet!)

Within the first ten minutes of being out there, my fingers froze and my feet got completely soaked.  I could feel the water sloshing around in my cycling shoes.  At this point, I gave up mentally.  I had hung back to talk to a friend and my group of friends were way up ahead of me. 

This is where I lose all dignity.  I decide my friends are dead to me.  We had decided to do 40 miles  but in that moment I decided I was doing 20.  I didn't know if I was ever going to catch up to my friends but I didn't care anymore how they were going to get home!  In fact, it was a good thing I didn't see a Papa Bear vehicle or I would have waved the white flag, called it quits and gotten in the car. I was that cold.

We stopped at a rest stop and I caught up with my friends.  I talked to them and they all agreed to do the 20 miles and be done.  Everyone was freezing.  The cool thing about Goldilocks is that the volunteers made it a fun event even when everyone was miserable.  There were Papa Bears at the rest stops taking our bikes from us and "parking them" and one guy even gave me his coat to wear while I was taking a break.  I was really impressed with these guys who gave up a Saturday to come volunteer in the rain!

Knowing that we only had 10 miles left, we got back on our bikes and soldiered on.  The odd thing was, once I was completely soaked and my fingers were numb, it was okay.

Of course, at the Finish Line, the rain stopped and the sun came out.  You can finally see my cute Goldilocks jersey from last year.  A very nice friend bought it for me!

They gave us darling little necklaces and we had a yummy lunch (at 10:30 in the morning!)  Next year I am doing 60 miles no matter what!  And if it is raining, I am going to be prepared with warm gloves and plastic bags over my shoes!

 

Of course, my favorite part of the whole thing is how girly and darling all the details were:

 

 

Even the port-a-potties were pink!

Dani (the gal in charge of Goldilocks) is so nice--she bought everyone's Zazoosh photos to make up for the rain. (Zazoosh is a photographer that takes pictures of people along the route and sells them after the race.) Here is the one of me:

 

And finally: my cute t-shirt from the swag bag to remember the day!

Spring "Break"

My friend Amy Vranes recently posted on facebook that Spring Break isn't much of a break for moms.  Good point Vranes.  I always start out with grand plans and end up beaten down and worn out by the end of the week.

Here are some of the highlights:

I went to lunch with a lady I met on LDS Linkup a year ago.  I know.  Most people don't get on dating sites and end up making friends with other women but that is what happened.  Marika is really funny and she is actually getting married to a guy she met on the site.  Woohoo!
 

Are you ready for this--I took Luke and Sammie horseback riding.  HORSEBACK RIDING PEOPLE!  That should entitle me to a full day of reading US magazine in bed I say:

 

 

I bought the deal for four people on Groupon so we also took one of Luke's friends.  We had lunch up there.  It was a lot of fun:

I went to dinner with my high school girlfriends.  Look at Natalie's gorgeous kitchen!



All of my kids got haircuts which made me feel like a good mom.  I am known for having shagamuffin kids.  Ryan got the worst Dumb and Dumber Lloyd Christmas haircut:

Now I have to put product in his hair until it grows out:

 

We went to the zoo and surprisingly it wasn't a madhouse (Buster pre-hair cut):

My kids have been playing outside (hooray for fantastic weather!)

Sammie celebrated a birthday!

Easter bunny came and brought my kids stuff I would have bought them anyway for summer:

Finally, we celebrated Easter at my Mom's house.  She did the annual Easter egg hunt for the kids and we all ate too much:

Now the long slow march until Summer!

Best of Christmas 2012

I can't believe how quickly December flew by. Remember how November just dragged? Christmas is upon us. Thank goodness I have the entire day to myself tomorrow to get 'er done. I give you the Best of Christmas 2012:

Best Girls' Night Out: Gourmet Dinner Night at my home.

This is getting its own post.

Best Proud Mama Moment: Watching Ryan in his preschool program and dying at how cute my big boy is.

He is the biggest in the class and the sweetest child I have ever met.

Best Moment for Sammie: Having a gingerbread house party for five of her closest friends.



Guess which house is hers? (She loves pink!)

Best Moment for Luke: Having me help at his class party (I am in the top right corner in Ryan's reindeer antlers.) 



At one point I said to Luke "no, you cannot sit on my lap!" And all of his friends laughed. 

Best Moment for Mitchell: Going sledding with Grandma (photos coming!)

Best Moment for Ryan: Our annual tradition of riding the trolley at Thanksgiving Point and getting ice-cream in the malt shop afterwards. (flashed out pic with my super crappy camera):



Ryan was sick as a dog but refused to miss it.

Best Funny Photo:  my two lil' couch potatoes:



Best Break from the Madness:  Weekend trip to Vegas with John. 

Best Birthday Party: My mom turned 60 and for once, we really did it up right!

Best Christmas Miracle: Passing my eye exam at the DMV

 

 

Yesterday morning, I went to renew my driver's license at the DMV and failed the eye exam. I knew I needed to go home and get my contacts into my eyes or I would not be able to pass the test and get a new license. I first stopped at Walgreen's to see if I could get a pair of "readers" to get me through the test..but they didn't help.) I went on home. Miraculously, after 15 mins, I got the contacts into my eyes, drove back to the DMV and passed the test (I won't tell you how long it took me to get the contacts back out of my eyes last night!)

What To Do For a Friend Going Through a Divorce

This is the second post in a three part series I am doing about Divorce.  (Because I love talking about divorce!)  I actually do in a weird way.  I think it is because for so long, I couldn't talk about what was going on my life and I am an open book.  I love that I can now discuss some of this stuff.

First, several people commented on my last divorce post and said that they hoped they had not said any of the wrong things to me and offended me.  No way!  I rarely get offended and I should have mentioned that when something is said in love, even if it is the wrong thing, it is okay.  I was so grateful to anyone who did say something to me.  I remember when I sent my cousin Liz an email telling her I was getting divorced.  A few minutes later she was knocking on my door.  She said "When you get an email like that, you don't respond, you come over."  It meant a lot to me.  Obviously, I haven't forgotten it.

Divorce is not something I knew much about when I got divorced.  I knew divorced people, but I never was close to anyone going through a divorce.  So my own was really my first taste of it.  I was overwhelmed with the thoughtful things people did and continue to do for me.  This is personal but when I got separated, I asked my dad to give me a Priesthood blessing.  He blessed me that others would step up and help me in various ways and help shoulder some of the burden of my divorce.  I have seen that come to pass over and over again.

One of the things that helped me the very most was when people brought dinner in.   Food is love.  Having a warm meal that someone else made just feels great. When you hear that someone is going through a separation or divorce, you don't usually think of bringing dinner.  That usually comes to mind if someone is  having a baby or surgery.  But when your heart is broken or you are going through something emotionally draining, the last thing you feel like doing is cooking for your family.   In the first little while after my separation, I spent a lot of time just sitting on the couch thinking.  It is a grieving process and I will forever be thankful for those friends who dropped off dinner during that time.

Along those same lines, I have a lady in my neighborhood named Linda who just happened to stop in and bring me flowers two years ago a few days after things started to fall apart with Sam.  She had no idea what I was going through but just felt like bringing me flowers from her yard.  She happens to be divorced and remarried.  I ended up confiding in her that night.  Since then, she and her amazing husband have been two of the most supportive, awesome people in my life.  They bring me flowers almost every week from their yard and are like second grandparents to my kids.  Steve was at my house today helping me with my sprinklers.  That's how they roll.  The give me hope that things will work out.  They have both been through divorces and came out happy on the other side.  I feel so lucky to know them.

Along with that, I was also grateful for my mother who came and took my kids away almost daily for a couple hours here or there.  It gave me time to think, go to the temple or sleep.  Often times, all I wanted to do was get in my bed and hide.  She gave me the time to do that and it was really therapeutic for me.  Other friends took my kids as well and it was a total gift.

My mom still drops off groceries to me and she does it for another friend of mine as well who recently got divorced.  I don't know anyone who doesn't have a change of lifestyle when they divorce.  Money is always going to be tighter.  And while I am very lucky that Sam is generous and I don't have to work, I do have to be really careful with my money.  Getting a bag of staples like flour, sugar, milk, choc chips, cereal is awesome and just one less thing I have to buy for my family.  (This is not a veiled attempt to get you all to drop off groceries to my house--haha--just trying to give you ideas for others!)

The photo at the top of the post is of me and my siblings, spouses and parents.  That was taken the other night when we all went to dinner. (Props to my dad for choosing to stand in front of that garage..it almost makes the photo look professional!) I think it is so important to have family support in a divorce.  I knew that my family believed in me and would always be in my corner.  So if someone in your own family is going through a divorce, please reach out to them and be kind and loving.  I had a little bit of a hard time that night because I drove to dinner alone and left alone while all of my siblings came and went with their spouses.  Stuff like that is hard.  It will probably be hard for a long time.  I may have even cried a bit on the way home.  But my family never made me feel weird during dinner that I was alone.  I am very lucky to have them.

I mentioned in my last post that it doesn't help to say "What can I do?"  because people will answer "Nothing."  It is hard to ask for help.  It is easier if someone just jumps in and does something.  My neighbor Doug informed me he was going to be taking care of my yard for the summer.  He mows, he weeds, he trims, he cuts down trees.  The guy walks on water in my book.  One night, I was talking to my kids about service and helping others and Luke brought up how Doug takes care of us by doing our yard.  I was so grateful that my kids have him as an example of Christlike service.  Doug is a bishop in a singles' ward and works full time.  The dude is busy.  But he does this for me out of the goodness of his heart.  It probably means more to me than anything else and I love that he jumped in and did it on his own.

Finally, I think one of the best things you can do is call your friend who is going through a divorce and ask how they are doing or write a note.  I have friends who listened to me on a daily basis for months as I sorted through the emotions of my divorce.  They convinced me that I was wonderful, beautiful, talented and that my divorce had nothing to do with me.  I will be forever grateful to those friends who made me believe in myself.  I also had many guy friends who did this for me or friends' husbands and sometimes it meant even more coming from a man.  I especially needed those calls at night after the kids were in bed because that is when the house was quiet and I would get lonely. 

Any other good ideas on what to do for someone going through a divorce?

What to Say to a Friend Going Through a Divorce

Recently, my sister Ashley told me she thought I should do a post on what to say to a friend going through a divorce.  She also wanted to know what she could do that would be meaningful and helpful for a friend in that situation.

I started telling Ashley a few things and realized I had a lot of thoughts on the subject.  I am going to do a three part series on this..the first being what to say (and not say) to someone going through a divorce (along with my thoughts on telling others of your own divorce), the second being how to help someone going through a divorce and the last will be how to survive your own divorce. 

One of the hardest things about getting separated is deciding who to tell and what to say to people.  When Sam and I got separated, I didn't know if we were going to ultimately divorce.  I really hoped that we would be able to work things out and get back together.  So when Sam first moved out, I only told a few close friends what was going on.  As the months went by, and I realized where it was headed, I started to tell more people. 

The hardest people to tell were people close to us who loved our family a lot.  The picture at the top of this post is of my Gourmet Dinner Night friends.  Telling this group was especially hard because they all knew and loved Sam and because I had never said a word about the fact that Sam and I were having problems so the news hit them like the atomic bomb.  But they were all so supportive and loving and cried along with me.

I found it was helpful if I decided ahead of time exactly what I was going to say and how much I was going to say to people.  Sometimes, the other person's tearful/shocked reaction to my news would put me into tears.  Or sometimes I would run into someone I hadn't seen in a while and they would innocently ask about Sam and I would burst into tears.  It's okay.  People understand. 

These were all the Christmas cards I received last year.  I kept them up until almost Easter because it just felt so good to look at it and know so many people cared about me and my family.  I had considered telling people in my Christmas letter that Sam and I were divorcing but then Ashley reminded me that "Nothing says Merry Christmas like a divorce announcement."  haha. 

Another difficult thing is letting people know who you are friends with but haven't seen in a really long time.  After much consideration, I finally decided to just change my status on facebook and let people ask.  It was hard for a day or two to know that everyone was seeing it for the first time but it was also a relief to just have it out there.  Many old friends sent me messages, emails, texts and reached out to offer their love and support.

Sometimes the most awkward situations arose when I didn't tell people for way too long and then they found out by seeing me on a date or in some other strange way.  My next door neighbor found out because we were both outside this spring and he yelled to me "What's new?"  I yelled back "you heard I got divorced right?!"  He yelled back "No..I'm sorry!  Let me know if there is anything I can do!"  And I yelled back "Thanks!"  haha.  We are not close so that was sufficient in that case!

So you ask, "What should I say to someone going through a divorce?"  I think the best thing to say is "You must really be hurting right now.  I'm so sorry."  I also appreciated "You are in my prayers" and "I'm thinking about you."  Don't say "Let me know if there is anything I can do"  or "What can I do for you?"  Because the answer will always be "oh, nothing..I am fine."  Just jump in and do something..anything!  Write a note, bring in a meal, give me a hug (though not at church..because that made me cry in front of other people and I hated that!)

The worst thing for me to hear which will come as a surprise to most people was "I feel so sorry for your sweet children."  Guess what?  I do too!  But you saying that only adds to my guilt that I couldn't save this thing.  The better thing to say is "How are your children doing?" or "Kids are resilient..they will get through this."  I was very comforted by all of the people who told me they were the product of divorced parents.  It made me feel better to see that kids with divorced parents can still turn into wonderful, healthy adults.

Finally, if I can stress one thing, it would be to never, ever respond to the news of some one's divorce by saying negative things about some one's ex.  Unless you have a very close relationship and are certain that you will not offend them, I would really avoid saying anything to the tune of "What a jerk!"  or "I never liked him anyway" or my favorite "I always thought you were too good for him."  These things do not make me feel better.  I did choose that guy once and he is still the father of my kids.

And please don't avoid me or say nothing at all.  That is the very worst of all.  Even if all you can say is "I'm sorry."  That is better than pretending that I am fine and nothing is going on.

I feel like I am doing so well now.  It has been a year since Sam and I separated and I hope that some of this might be helpful to others going through a divorce or who have friends going through one.  I guess what I, personally, would say to a friend going through a divorce is that life goes on.  You may not believe it right now, but you will feel normal again and even happy!  Just hang in there.  Please feel free to comment with other good ideas!

Goldilocks Bike Ride

I love all things girlie.  I also love to be active.  On Saturday, I did a ride that was the perfect combination of both.  It's called Goldilocks and it is a ladies' only ride. This was my first time being outside on a road bike.  I spin at the gym every week but I have to admit I was really nervous to clip in on a bike (you have to remember to unclip at lights or you tip over!), shift gears, and ride in traffic. 

But it was so so fun.  I had no reason to worry.  I felt very safe on the road since we were part of such a big event and cars were aware of us.  When we arrived in the morning, there was an awesome porridge buffet (oatmeal with lots of fruit and yummy toppings.)  I didn't know there was going to be breakfast and I had already eaten, dang it.  I wish I had my camera at that point to take a picture of the darling table.

They gave us the cutest box of swag--darling fitted t-shirt and other goodies. 

You could choose to do 20, 40, 60, 80 or 100 miles.  Susan and I had decided to do 40 and our friends were doing 60.  However, Sus and I missed the turn off for 40 so we were locked into 60.  Here we are at the aid station after ten miles:

The aid stations had red vines, oreos, candy, fruit, peanut butter sandwiches, water, crystal light...nothing was overlooked. 

There were men in Papa Bear t-shirts taking our bikes from us and helping out.  (If you get a flat tire on the course, you just call a cell number and a Papa Bear comes to fix it...love that!)

Lunch was amazing too.  Look how cute the tables were decorated..yes, that mattered to me:

Yummy food:

Legs covered in grease (I don't know how that happened!)

Everything was going great until we hit about mile 50.  Then the fun ran out.  My bum was hurting, my toes were asleep.  With three miles left, we pulled over to wait for someone to catch up and I begged Lori to go get the car and pick me up.  I was that spent. 

But I soldiered on and made it back.  They had these yummy shaved ice/ice-cream sundaes with fruit as our reward.  I still begged my friends to carry me to the car but they selfishly refused.

My only regret was not purchasing the darling Goldilocks jersey to wear:

I have already signed up for 2013 because the thing sells out every year.  They are keeping the registration open until Saturday for next year's ride.  It is already a quarter full right now and if you sign up now, you get a $10.00 discount.  I have no affiliation with Goldilocks but I thought it was so fun, I encourage everyone to do it next year!

Sign up here.