Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Leap of Faith

This blog is dying a slow death. But since today is February 29th (leap day!) it made me think about my gigantic leap of faith. I don't want this blog to be a divorce blog but I hope you will indulge me one more time.

When my marriage hit the rocks 18 months ago, I didn't want to give up. Divorce was never in my plans and never even seemed like an option to me. I thought Sam and I would be together forever, literally. But things change and I have learned that we are only in control of our own life, as much as we would like to control other people. As time went on, I began to realize that things were not getting better.

Sam and I were going to marriage counseling every week but somehow, in the very deep part of my heart, I knew this marriage wasn't going to work. And it killed me. I couldn't even look at my kids without crying because I knew how it was going to blow their world apart. As a mother, you want to do everything in your power to protect your kids from sadness, disappointment, and heartache. So, it was heartbreaking for me to know that I was going to be the one causing that for them...or if not causing it, I was not going to be able to protect them from it.

Fast Forward a bit to somewhere last fall. Sam had moved out and I was doing my best to be a good mom, keep up with my church callings, my friends, my workouts, the laundry and everything else. I remember climbing into bed one night and feeling defeated. I honestly just couldn't see how my life was ever going to be good again. I knew, at a minimum, it was never going to be the same. I remember saying out loud "I feel hopeless." I picked up my scriptures and opened to where my bookmark was in Moroni, chapter 7. I was at the end of the Book of Mormon and I came across this verse:

"And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that you can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?

And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold, I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.

Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope."

Moroni 7:40-42.

To me, this was an undeniable miracle. Here was the Lord telling me to have hope in the very moment I needed to hear it. If I claimed to have faith, how could I not have hope? Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and the Atonement gives us ultimate hope. I fell asleep feeling peaceful and hopeful for my future.

Not long after that, I knew that it was time to get divorced. Divorce is not a decision that anyone makes lightly. But one day, I just knew. I knew I didn't want to wake up every day wondering if my marriage was bad enough to do something about. I knew divorce was the right decision for me and Sam and our children. But I was scared..terrified really. Here I was, 34 years old, and I had never paid a bill, never done our finances, never shoveled the walk. I have a law degree but I haven't worked in 8 years. I was worried about how I was going to make it financially. I was also terrified to be ultimately alone in the world. When you are married, you are a team; you win together and you lose together. And from now on, it would just be me. Not to mention, I was worried about being responsible for four kids who needed me for spiritual guidance and to be the leader in our home. It was, and is, an awesome responsibility.

But that is where faith comes in. I have been promised that there are brighter days ahead in my future. I know the Lord has big plans for me. I know he will take care of me and my kids and make up the difference where I fall short. I knew I had to take a leap of faith into the dark but there is light on the other side. That's not to say I don't have bad days. And to be completely honest, I have moments where I miss Sam. I miss the life we had. But you know what? Things are good. I am happy. My kids are happy. I am hopeful. Life goes on. Divorce is an end to a marriage but it doesn't have to be "the end." For me, it feels like a new beginning to the rest of my life. So it is appropriate that 2012 is Leap Year...It is my year!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Hapari Swimsuit Winner!

We have a winner of the Hapari swimsuit giveaway! pulled up number 32 which is Liz. Liz would love the turquoise classic bandeau tankini. She says "I'm in a blue phase right now. I think it would make a tan look great." I think it will Liz! Email me with your information and I will get the gift certificate to you.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Hapari Swimsuit Giveaway!

I think we are all sick of winter about now, right? What better way to kick the winter blues than to win a new swimsuit from Hapari?! I did this same giveaway last year and I decided I needed to do it again. I love Hapari and I think they make a great product.

After gestating and nursing four babies, the most important thing to me is support for the "girls." Under wire in a swimsuit is the gold standard. In the past, it has been extremely hard to find. Ashley told me about Hapari last year and when she mentioned under wire, I stopped listening. I said "take me to their store!"

The store is in American Fork, Utah and it is absolutely adorable (the dressing rooms look like cabanas). For the local girls, I recommend running down there because you can try on all the different styles. But online has everything as well.

Last year, I purchased this one:

The best part is, they have these darling skirts to wear over the swimsuits as well and everything is mix and match with the tops and the bottoms.

They have a lot of other cute options without under wire as well. This is my current favorite:

or this one:

And I love the style of this one (and it has under wire!):

And this one too..I can't decide!

I don't wear one-pieces but if I did, I would wear this one:

And guess what else? Their suits actually have pockets to slide in silicone inserts (that they sell) if you want to enhance what you already have (this concept is completely foreign to me but it may interest some of you.)

So let's get down to business...The give-away is for a $85.00 gift card to their site.

To enter, visit, decide on your favorite swimsuit and come back here and leave a comment either linking to your favorite swimsuit or simply type the name of it. Once you have done that, you are entered in the contest! Easy right?

You can receive up to two bonus entries if you not only link to the site, but also share it on Facebook and Twitter. Each link will count as one entry into the contest. You can provide proof by linking to each instance in the comment.

The contest will end on Thursday, February 23rd at midnight. I will pick a winner using Please leave your email address with your comment so I can contact you if you win. Good luck!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Chasing Spring

I am soooo over winter. It is cold, there is no snow this year, I've been sick for three weeks, AND, my mom (who helps me all the time) is in Hawaii for the entire month. So to put it mildly, I've got the winter blues. It's time to start thinking about Spring. At least our spring wardrobe. This is what I would be buying right now (if I had the means...)

I love Boden. Their clothes never fit me but it doesn't stop me from ordering their stuff (and then returning it all.)

I love this whole outfit..the dress, the belt, the cardigan:

I also drool over this pencil skirt-cardigan combo (totally sold out):

I have an unhealthy addiction to White House Black Market. I love this sweater jacket. I think I could wear it to work..that is if I actually worked, which I don't, but whatever:

I've got a hankerin' for some red jeans. Every guy I know hates red jeans but girls love them. These would not be for dates but for impressing my lady friends (I'm thinking I'm going to skip the bare midriff look):

For the gym, a Lululemon skirt (I may or may not have already purchased this item!) To my friends in Utah, did you hear the good news? We now have a Lululemon store at Trolley!

And don't forget a swimsuit for the tropical get-away I'm not taking..this one is from Nordstrom (I'm a sucker for black and white and polka dots)

And I think this one by Hapari is really cute too (under wire..hallelujah!)

And let's not leave the kids out. I would get Sammie this outfit at Gymboree (It would be cute for an Easter egg hunt):

And this outfit for my two little boys from Janie and Jack (matching of course)..I never get tired of plaid shorts:

And for Luke, cute swim trunks and fake Vans from Old Navy:

I have a big surprise in store for you. Check back tomorrow for an awesome "Beat the Winter Blues" swimsuit giveaway!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I Love Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day and I've got love on the brain. I have a friend who used to refer to Valentine's day as "single awareness day." Yes, that is true. But it was still a good day. I usually do a "What I Love..What I Don't Love" format on V day but today, it's all about my kiddos.

Here goes:

I love that Luke constructed his own lego Valentine's box with no help from me. When he came upstairs with it, he said, "isn't it cool how our family always takes Valentine's boxes to the next level?" Yes, son, it is...especially when I am not involved in them whatsoever.

I love that Sammie (who thinks she is a teenager) still wants to wear this over-the-top headband to school.

I love that Ryan asked me to marry him yesterday and I said yes. I wish he was 30 years older and not my son.

I love that Buster wore this shirt today and takes baths with me and is basically my dream date every day. He gives awesome kisses and says "night night mama" in the cutest softest voice ever.

So there you have it. I am love with these four. Happy Valentines Day!

ps. I found this post when I was looking for a pic of the Valentine boxes and it made me sad.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The People Have Spoken

You want me back! I'm flattered. I didn't even realize how long I had been gone. Life has been really Christmas crazy on 'roids times five. I haven't even been watching the Bachelor..that is how crazy my life has been. I miss the Bachelor. Should I be watching?

My divorce became final while I was on my girls' trip with my mom and Sammie. It was bittersweet news. I cried but I also felt relieved. The next chapter of my life can begin. The big announcement is I have started dating. And it has taken over my life. This really is a post for another day because there has been some hilarious stuff and sad stuff and dating is a completely different animal the second time around..especially in your thirties with kids, and all the technology (think texting, messaging, facebook). It takes a lot of emotional energy and time but it is a lot of fun. That post is coming. Get excited!

But mostly, I am just trying to be a good mom, dragging my trash to the gym, dealing with divorce odds and ends like getting the utilities changed over to my name (just little pain in the butt stuff), making time for friends and family, churchy stuff, and making dinner here and there (Thank Heavens for fast food!)

But I haven't given up on the blog (or your blogs!) I need to get back in. I am always writing blog posts in my head but never get around to doing am I the only one who is completely sad about Heidi Klum and Seal?

I have always wondered how they ended up together but they seemed totally real and in love. I always take celebrity divorces hard. I should learn..but I never do...I am still trying to come to terms with Nick and Jessica!

So don't give up on me! I have some really fun stuff coming down the pike. My friend's dad owns all the Corner Bakery's in SLC and I am going to be doing a really cool giveaway for him! And I have another give-away in the works...maybe something I have done in the past...we'll see. Check back soon!