Thursday, October 1, 2009

Rules of the Road

Are you guys tired of looking at my new shirts? Me too.

Lately, I've been thinking that if I were in charge, I would change the rules of the road. Not just the laws, mind you, but how we treat each other on the road. Let's get right to it.

1. It is us against them and by them, I mean the fuzz. No more white cars, except for police vehicles. I am so tired of slamming on my brakes when I see a white Taurus stopped on the side of the road, only to find it merely parked there. No more heart attacks when a white Crown Victoria pulls up behind me when I'm in the fast lane. Only police vehicles will be white so we can all be on the lookout for them.

2. On the same note, we need to re institute the practice of flashing our high beams to alert oncoming traffic of a speed trap. I do this religiously, but have never in all my life, been alerted to a cop by this method. Are you all doing your part and warning your fellow drivers?

3. For the love people, get out of the carpool lane unless you are going 80 mph. The carpool lane is for our convenience to speed and not be held back by the snowbirds going 55 mph in the middle lane. If you are not going 80 mph, get over and let me by!

4. I would institute the death penalty for anyone who has something come flying off their truck on the freeway. I was nearly killed last year when a humongous tire came off the back of a guy's truck right into my lane. Luckily I have the reflexes of a cat and was able to steer around it in time. Ashley feels the same way.

5. Be polite. Don't ever give anyone the bird. It may be someone you know. Trust me. You will live to regret it.

6. Be conscientious of cars around you. I always appreciate when cars leave space when they are backed up at a red light so I can get through. I try to do this for others. I also wave people out regularly who are trapped and hope that it makes up for all of my tailgating.

That's it folks. I'm not a great driver, heck, I'm not even a good driver; I'm a Warner. Bad driving is in my DNA but I'm trying. Do you agree with my rules?


Linda said...

These are great! They should be the "6 Commandments!" Especially the blinking lights warning signal! I do it all the time, and I've only seen it done for me a couple of times.
The other thing that should not be allowed is unmarked cop cars. I will NEVER pull over for one of those guys with the "Radio Shack" lights in the grill.
And I must say, I'm doing my part by being the designated driver for 90-yr-old grandpa (who cannot understand why he can't drive.)

Kimmie said...

The last paragraph is my favorite...I remember driving in the Red Corolla with you at the wheel...time of my life I must say! Ha ha.

Jill said...

I totally agree with you on these rules, especially regarding white cars! I just finished going through 10 months of having an unregistered car so I am hyper alert to police cars and am downright skittish about them, which is really a nuisance now that I'm legal again.

Liz said...

My neighbor flipped a guy off on the ended up being his stake president....he was leaving on his mission in a funny!

alexandra said...

This was so hilarious. I love the last paragraph! I love your rules.

I think the driving world needs to brush up on the left turn on green rule. Pull into the intersection everyone. You can turn on yellow, and red if you are already in the intersection. Please.

I would also like to be able to purchase a car with an apology-issuing horn. I need that more than a warning horn.

Em said...

Bad drivers are everywhere, but there is a plethora of them in UT. (Don't get me wrong, H-town has their share, too.) But Number 3 is the real reason is why I can't stand UT. OMG, number 3!!! I become an absolute monster if you're in my way in the carpool lane on a freeway in UT.

Regarding cop cars--in WY the HP has these sleek black cars now with very skinny flat lights that look like a regular ski rack. Sneakaaayy. But the hick towns still have white cars with the huge light racks. It's a lot to watch out for, I tell you.

Em said...

I'm having issues with grammar in my previous comment. Please excuse. :)

hannah :: sherbet blossom said...

i was driving in back of a truck on the freeway that was carrying a dresser. all of the sudden, a DRAWER FLEW OUT OF THE DRESSER and crashed about 5 feet in front of my car. Luckily, it collapsed with the impact, so I was able to drive over it. Can you imagine if that would of hit my windshield? I had two little babies in the car and am carrying another in my belly. made me so mad.

love your rules. :)

The Mostess said...

Carpool lane losers who are slow....UGH!!

I have a white car with a surf rack that looks just like a cop car. I can cruise from SF to SJ at night without ever having to switch lanes--people move out of my way. By the time they realize I'm not a cop, I've flown by them. It's great.

sheryl said...

And yet another reason to live in Saint George. Thank you for reminding me. :) We complain about the traffic because it takes us 13 min instead of the normal 11 to get across town. LOL

There needs to be a rule about teenage drivers (or boys, no driving with friends till your brain is developed... at about age 25) Whew! We wont even go where I've been with that one. (Can you say Stan and car chase?) ...turned out to be a best friends son. LOL

Ashley said...

This is a great post and I'm sorry to be commenting so late. I'm totally with you on the white cars--esp. with the cell phone laws in Cali--I am always on the lookout and I don't appreciate imposters (like The Mostess). My other beef with drivers lately is people who think yield signs mean stop. And when people come to a dead standstill at the top of the freeway onramp! Ours are pretty short around here, and yes it's scary to just close your eyes and stomp on the gas, but it's much worse when I go ripping up the onramp only to slam on the brakes bc some fool didn't have the cajones to merge.