When I was in high school, I was in a gym class with a foreign exchange student from Sweden. I still remember her telling me in a thick Swedish accent that I looked like a chicken. When I pressed her, she told me that basically, I have a big body and skinny legs, just like a chicken. I was flattered. No really.
And such has been my lot in life. I tend to put on weight on the top half of my body. My pear-shaped friends think I'm lucky. They don't want to hear me complain about putting on weight in my chest. But believe me--it doesn't look good. Along with it comes a big face, lunch lady arms and no waist. When I get pregnant I look like a linebacker (or free-safety as Sam likes to say.)
So naturally, shopping for shirts is not easy for me. I could buy jeans every day of my life and have no problem. But I have very specific rules for shirts, especially short-sleeved shirts.
First and foremost, the shirt must not be 100% cotton. 100% cotton is of the devil and will completely stretch out and look like a faded tent in a matter of weeks. I went shopping with Ashley last weekend when she was in town and she forbade me to even try on a shirt that was 100% cotton. She believes in this rule even more than I do. As a side note, Ashley suffers from the same "chicken issue" and we laughed our guts out in the dressing room telling each other the rules and talking each other into buying shirts.
I do think Ashley is mad at me for talking her into buying a certain blue and white striped little number that Jennifer Anniston happened to be wearing in Love Happens later that evening (this is not Ashley):
Second, the shirt must not have short cap sleeves that are fitted. I am very specific on this one because I have found that I can wear short sleeves but they must either poof or be flowy. This is to camouflage my fatty upper arms. I do prefer an elbow length sleeve though.
Third, and finally, they must not cling to my jiggly little post-baby belly. This one is imperative.
So, these are the three shirts I picked up (as a side note, I think self-portraits are so awkward--do you smile? Do you not smile? Whatever--I picked the first because I loved Ryan in the background!):
The first two are from Ann Taylor Loft and the third is from Macy's. I paid good money for the ones from the Loft but I know I will wear them a ton and it takes me so long to find a decent shirt that when I find one, I buy it.
So, where do you all find good shirts? Do you agree with my rules? If you have skinny arms and a flat stomach, don't even bother to comment.