Thursday, August 26, 2010

Belated Bachelor Pad

This show keeps surprising me with just how low it's going to go. Fantasy Suites on the Bachelor Pad? Kissing contests? I was talking to a friend I hadn't seen in awhile and she compared the skeaziness of this show to a show that used to be on tv a long time ago called Temptation Island. I was so grossed out after the show last night that I didn't feel like doing a post.

But today rolled around and I had some stuff to say. I am forcing myself to do this post in less than 10 minutes (because that's all the time I got) so here goes:

*I thought it was so funny last night that Wes was the one grossed out by the germs of the kissing contest. If that guy doesn't have an STD, there is no justice in the world.

*Speaking of Wes, wasn't it ironic that he was the one trying to break up the couples when he was just trying to save the Gia--the girl he was interested in. Didn't you love his hollow threats?

*How nasty was Elizabeth and Natalie in the kissing contest? They have no shame.

*Someone needs to tell Ashley that she gave up her self respect long ago by going on the show so she really has nothing to lose now.

*If Gia's boyfriend watches the show and her little soundbites about how Wes is the "Modern day Shakespeare only better and cuter" she is in big trouble.

*I have always hated girls like Natalie. She is a ho-bag and Dave deserves her.

*Peyton is darling and I was really disappointed to see that she took the fantasy suite with Jesse B. My sister tells me that doesn't mean they "did it." They could have just been hanging out. I doubt it.

* I missed the strategizing (spelling?) last night. It seemed to all happen at the last minute.

My time's up. I'm out.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Outsiders vs the Cool Kids

After last week, I was prepared to come on here and tell you all that my blog is too good for this trashy show....After tonight, I changed my mind. The DRAMA people! I am hooked. I'm not going to guarantee I will recap every episode a la Bachelorette but I will do it when I have something to say.

Tell me you all watched and aside from the shower scene (where we just stared at the curtain and listened to all the gross noises) wasn't the show a tiny bit less trashy this week? Okay then, let's get down to business.

*I was thrilled to see the pie eating contest because I really thought all those skinny girls wouldn't want to wolf down an entire pie, even to win a rose. I was wrong. I have to hand it to Gia (my new favorite) she did it. Even Tenley came pretty close. Yet, I have no use for Tenley and her crying. She cried three times tonight.

*I wasn't surprised that Kiptyn and Weatherman were the best eaters for the men. Little guys always win eating contests--(Joey Chestnut anyone?)

*Poor Weatherman loved his date and felt like the Bachelor for a night. He actually thinks he has a chance with Gwen and he is going to get his heart broken.

*I never thought I would say this but I felt bad for Satan tonight. Gia should have given him the rose after she gave him her word. She got "Jillianed" by Wes. Did you all die laughing when they showed that preview of Wes playing that same tired song on his guitar to Gia--"Love, It Don't Come Easy." I can't believe even Gia got swayed by Wes' flattery.

*I like Gia. I liked her when she was on the Bachelor. I think she could win this thing. However, I don't think she has any right to be mad at Nikki for changing her vote about Kiptyn when she basically did the same thing to Craig.

*Elizabeth is the most annoying person on the show. I wish she would get voted off. Best line--"I'm a dumb smart girl." Yes, Elizabeth--yes you are. Kovacs is equally dumb for hooking up with her. He is thinking with his "anatomy" and not his brain.

*I was so happy to see Jessie go tonight. I can pretty much guarantee Dave won't come calling once he gets home.

*Wasn't it crazy how quickly Jesse (the guy) dumped Natalie. All it took was a tiny bit of attention from Gia. Gia was brilliant to do that trick with putting his name in the bowl over and over again.

*I just want Kiptyn and Tenley to hurry and get it on so we can eliminate them. I can't stand Tenley's cry baby stuff.

*I am definitely cheering for the outsiders but they may have problems now that Nikki is going to get sucked over to the other side.

*I know lavender is the hot color right now but Chris Harrison's polka dot tie/checkered shirt combo was BAD.

I'm totally hooked. Who is with me? Mom, I know you're in...

If you can't get enough Bachelor Pad commentary, I stumbled onto this article while looking for pictures to add to this post. Hilarious. We had the same title so I knew I would like it.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Ugly Phase

It's official. Buster has entered the ugly phase. The next couple months ain't gonna be pretty. His hair is receding and patchy, he's fatter than ever and he is just generally unsightly. Please don't comment and tell me he isn't--we all know it's true and I'm okay with it.

My other three all went through it. Since Luke was my first baby, when he was in the trenches of it, I had no idea. I tried to look past it and I honestly believed he was still cute. I even had 3 month photos taken of him at JC Penney of all places. Sam calls them the "Jehovah's Witness pictures" because they look like the photos you see in the JW brochures. At any rate, they capture the ugly--the cradle cap, the chub, the receding hairline:

Even Sammie wasn't spared. She avoided the male pattern baldness that my boys went through but she still got extra chubby:

Ryan was the worst. Check out his terrible hair. Bald in front, full hair in back:

In a stroke of bad luck, my little brother Cam decided to move his wedding up and got married when Ryan was in the thick of the ugly phase. My mom decided to get a HUGE picture made of the entire family from the wedding so not only did we memorialize how fat I was at the time, I get to always remember Ryan in the ugly phase.

Here is one of the few decent photos of me and Sam yet we have the world's ugliest baby in it (notice the tuft of hair at the crown of his head):

Now Buster has joined them. I'm not worried. I know the only way out is through. He'll come out on the other side and be cuter than ever. Trust me. Look at Sammie at 7 months:

And Ryan:

And Luke:

So for now, we just bear down and ride out the storm.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Bachelor Pad--Adios Juan and Michelle!

Was it just me or did those two hours just fly by? I have so much to say. Here we go.

*The husband is disgusted that I am actually watching the show. He will be mad at me every Monday night. I'm doing this for you people! not really. But I did feel so trashy watching the show. Good thing Chris Harrison is there to give the thing a tiny bit of credibility.

*Twister is bikinis? Heaven help us.

*What is the deal with Satan's pants? They are all too short and he looks like he is wearing ill-fitting pj bottoms with loafers--even on the nice date. He is still Satan in my book and I loved that Elizabeth called him out during twister. I didn't love how she caved and tried to do the "do you want to make out with me" thing to try to get the rose. She bugs big time.

*I feel bad for Elizabeth because she is so madly in love with Kovacs and he doesn't love her back. She's a mess. She is going to ruin both her and Kovacs' chance of winning. I want to buy her the book "He's just not that into you." Kovacs is the hottest guy on the show though. I always wanted Jillian to pick him.

*Along the same lines, the show ain't about love people. The contestants who actually want to find love might as well book their tickets home. It's about the money and it's a game. The best strategy is to lay low and let the drama unfold. The people getting the most attention will shoot themselves in the foot.

*Jesse and Natalie are perfect together because they are both sooo dumb. Remember when Jason Mesnick asked Natalie to tell him something about herself and she told him she liked bears. Classic. Those two are too busy getting busy and neither one will win.

*I loved that Juan went home tonight. I hated his half-hearted apology to Nikki. He is skeazy. However, I don't like Nikki either. She always looks ticked off.

*I also loved that Michelle went home tonight. She didn't go home because of the rumor that Tenley started (which is probably true.) She went home because she locked Tenley in the bathroom and threatened her and you don't threaten the darling of the house.

*I like Tenley but she was driving me crazy as each of the contestants came inside the house for the first time. She was so over-the-top screaming and clapping and hugging each one. We all know she wants Kiptyn. He knows it too.

*I can't look at Dave without thinking of the man-code. He is so buggy.

*Gia has the best chance of the women because all the men want to keep her around just to ogle her.

*I think Krissily is a man. I am baffled at how she was one of the final two on the Charlie season.

*I love the format of the show. I love the three on one dates--much more interesting than a one-on-one. I love the way contestants are eliminated.

Monday nights never let me down! What did you all think? I think my early favorite is Ashley.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Swimming, S'mores and a Sunday Drive

Between complaining about the wicked heat and having my kids home alllll day, I just want to say I love summer. Now that it is August, I've got to soak up the last remaining days of summer before fall hits and school and carpools take over my life. Best three things of summer? Swimming, S'mores and Sunday drives.

Swimming: My kids took swimming lessons this summer and believe it or not, I love the days we go to swimming lessons. My kids have improved a lot this summer and it's fun to see them finally confident in the water. It's really the only time I go outside during the day--but I like being outside sitting in the shade.

I also like picking up lunch and a big diet coke on the way home. Usually going to the pool is my favorite thing to do in the summer but it hasn't happened that much this year due to the bambino.

S'mores: I love taking the kids up the canyon to roast dogs and have s'mores. I've gone on record before saying that our mountains are the most beautiful place in the world and I'm sticking to that. I especially love going up the canyon in the summer.

Sunday drives: Most Sunday evenings, we go on a drive in Sam's jeep with the top off. When Sam bought the jeep, I wasn't happy. I wanted him to get a conservative sedan. I hate driving the stick--because it doesn't free me up to eat or talk on the phone while a drive--and I hate my hair blowing around in the car. But the last few Sundays, I've changed my mind.

I love going on drives in the evening with the cool air and the tunes up. Sam has satellite radio and we get some awesome 80s and 90s music. It does feel a little sacrilegious to have "I wanna sex you up" playing as all six of us drive around town. Yes, we have all four kids across the back seat. Please don't call the authorities.

Last Sunday, we saw this vanity plate and neither of us could figure out what it stood for:

It is a little hard to see in the picture. It says "FLTRN" with a hot pink stick figure girl in front of it. Any ideas? Sam's best guess was "full time RN" I don't think so. (It was a man driving.) Speaking of vanity plates, my favorite is already taken by some other mom at my school. It says "4 2 MNY". Perfect for me.

That's it folks! I love Summer.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

I sure can! Tonight did not disappoint. I'm on a high. This is good tv folks. Ali + Roberto=true love. I think these two are going to make it. I really hope they don't let me down.

Roberto is so so cute. He really stepped it up tonight and showed some personality. He has the cutest mannerisms. I love how he grabs Ali and pulls her close or touches her nose or whispers "Be my wife." I was so so glad he didn't pick the yellow diamond. I was yelling "no" at the tv when Neil pulled that one out. I loved him sweating like crazy as he proposed. I knew when he had to go up all those stairs it wasn't going to be pretty. But you know what--I love Roberto even with sweat dripping down his face. I think it makes him cuter and more real.

And Ali is our best bachelorette yet. She is so happy all the time. As they were showing past clips tonight, I thought to myself, she is always smiling. I love that about her. And I love that she was honest with Chris and told him it was over before the rose ceremony. At the end of her date with Roberto, she said she didn't want to go on her date with Chris, and I thought "why would they give it away like that?"

Then next thing we know, she is knocking at Chris' door. She did the right thing.

And Chris. Poor darling Chris. He is such a class act.

I fell in love with him too tonight. He was so cute and hurt and kind when Ali broke up with him. He was also so classy on the After the Final Rose. He had nothing but kind things to say to Ali and I loved that he didn't come on the show demanding answers from her. He understood that simply, she had stronger feelings for someone else.

And the rainbow. I know I've grown tired of Chris talking about his mother--I'm a horrible person--but that rainbow melted my black heart. I might have even shed some tears (all the while I was nursing with three kids running and jumping all over me and I'm screaming at them to get out of the room!)

It was such good tv. Did you all love it as much as I did?

And to think that one week from tonight, we all move back into the bachelor pad. The sleaze that awaits us. I don't want to watch. I really don't. But we all know I will.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

When You Have a Really Fat Baby

You get told every single day that you must be making "straight cream." I have probably been told this at least 100 times and I'm not exaggerating. I think it is just what comes to mind for people to say when they see a really chubby baby like mine.

It usually doesn't bother me, because let's face it, I must be making straight cream.

When Luke was about 3 months old and fat (because my babies are always fat at 3 months) I went to one of Sam's work parties. One of the senior partner's wives took one look at Luke and told me that when her son was a baby, she had a friend who also had a fat baby. Her own baby was skinny. She told me that one day both she and her friend had pumped milk and put it in the fridge. Her friend's milk was thick--just like whole milk-- "straight cream" and her own milk was almost see through--like skim milk. She said it was because she was really active and went out running every day and her friend just sat on the couch all day and took naps.

Then she walked away, leaving me holding my fat baby and the assumption that I lay around all day. Oh well. I feel bad for her and her skinny baby and I think her friend is the smartest woman alive. I wouldn't trade Buster's chubba thighs and cheeks for anything.