Bowling with the Country Folk

Sam and I took the kids bowling tonight at a bowling alley that one of our friends recommended. We honestly can't remember who recommended it which is a good thing because it was trashy! The place was called "Karen Pullman's Pro shop and Bowling Center."

To get to the bowling alley you walk through this full-service embroidery shop:


And then through this "pro shop":



I tried to get my camera out to take some pictures of the crowd and Sam scolded me. Suffice it to say, the woman in the lane next to us had "Throttle Girl" written across her lower back. I don't know what that means, but it can't be good.

Another guy a couple lanes down had every square inch of his skin covered in tattoos (except his face.) The back of his head was even tattooed.

Then the die-hard bowling teams showed up wearing stuff like this. Notice the hats:



The family next to us brought bags with bowling shoes and bowling balls inside. The dude behind Ryan is actually polishing his ball before his game:



This other guy behind Luke had a towel in his back pocket for wiping his ball or hands or something:



We got the heck out of there as quick as we could. The funny thing is--Sam is a remarkably good bowler. He rolled a 158 and he did most of that with Buster in his other arm.



I'm not ashamed to say that I rolled a 56 and that was using the bumpers--worse than my kids. Somehow, after seeing that crowd, I don't feel too bad.

The Hometown Dates

I love the home town dates. It is probably my favorite episode of the season. It is so funny to meet the parents and see the different houses. I love the "realness" of it. I love that you are seeing people who are forced to be on the show because their daughter signed up for the Bachelor...the nasty sister, the awkward mom, the overprotective dad.

Chantel's date: They started the date by going to Chantel's house where Brad got to meet her THREE animals---Poopsie, Whoopsie and Tinkles or some other crazy names. Animals galore. I'm not an animal fan so that kind of grossed me out. The beer was flowing (hate the tacky beer bottles) and they discussed their future. It was then off to the castle, er, the parent's house. The house was ginormous and they made sure we pretty much saw the whole thing. The pillars--the sculpture, the wine cellar...it was over the top. My sister Ashley was convinced that Brad was going to give the rose to Chantel's dad. Those two definitely hit it off.


I couldn't get over the parent's plastic faces. Both of them have had major work done! Mom could barely talk because her face doesn't move. My friend Mandee texted me that she thinks they might be the Osmonds....hahaha

Ashley's Date: I don't love Ashley, but she is cute and I liked Ashley's date. I liked how they started off at the little restaurant and ate the fries covered in gravy (Disgusting!) I loved how Ashley told Brad she could see his crown--I love real stuff like that. It seems they are always so busy talking about their feelings that I love it when someone actually says something real. I liked how they went and bought the lobsters and vegetables for dinner.



Ashley's family was fine. The sister was pretty nasty with all the tats. I was totally laughing at Brad's talk with Ashley's dad in the storage room/garage. Was there no where else to chat? Also, wasn't that so weird how Ashley's family were all acting like they weren't sure if Ashley wanted to have kids? Also, it totally came out that Ashley is a dental student, not a dentist. I don't know why the producers feel the need to beef everyone up like that. Just like when Ali was the Bachelorette and all the guys were "entrepreneurs"...

I don't get the impression that Brad is really crazy about Ashley. I think she is going home next.

Shawntel's date: I just want to say right out of the gates that I feel bad for Shawntel. She is really sweet and I think the producers convinced her to do all that mortuary stuff. She should never have put him on the table and pulled out the tools. The poor guy looked like he was going to faint. Here is the thing: Shawntel has a real job. Granted it is completely unconventional-but it is a real job. None of the other girls had to take Brad to their place of employment. To her credit, Shawntel was like "if he picks me, he has to get used to this stuff" but she should never have taken him to the crematory and the embalming room. Good grief.


I loved the realness of Shawntel's family and home. I loved the stacks of VHS tapes against the wall, the tin foil over the rolls at dinner, the Lazy boy recliners where Shawntel and her dad had their chat. I felt bad for Shawntel when her dad was giving her the guilt trip about leaving the family biz. I wanted to shout through the TV "Don't even go there Shawntel--you are going home tonight, don't cause a rift with your dad!"



Poor Shawntel did go home. The thing I liked about her was that she was always in a good mood, never emotional, never catty. She was classy on her way out and didn't cry and say she would never find love...she simply said she hoped she would find a guy who would treat her as well as Brad did.

Emily's date: Emily is so dang cute. Sam was watching this episode with me and all he could say over and over and over and over again is how there is no contest. She is going to win. He probably said it 10 times. Should I be worried? Anyway, I thought Brad did a good job with little Ricky. Kids are so hard. I can only imagine how bad my kids would be if I brought the Bachelor home to meet them on National TV--Because it could happen! What? Anyway, kids are unpredictable and I thought the date ended up going well. I liked that they made it about Rickie and played board games and flew the kite and did stuff she would like. I do think it freaked Brad out and made him realize he is not ready for a kid.



I was so mad at Brad for not kissing Emily. He totally blew it. You could tell how mad Emily was at Brad. I liked how she said "If this works out, she is always going to be upstairs asleep." At least she kissed him at the door. I still think she is the front runner but somehow I can't see them together in the end. I really want her as the next Bachelorette so I hope she goes home. I was coveting her house. Wow.

The rose ceremony went down exactly like I thought. Emily looked beautiful. Ashley looked cute. Shawntel's dress was bad but she looked good. Chantel was a disaster. She needs a stylist STAT! No more shiny sausage casing dresses--no more slicked back hair. And am I the only one or did she totally look pregnant? I'm sure it was just a food baby but still. Heaven help her! She is so much cuter in casual clothes with her hair down.

Next week to South Africa. Woo hoo!

I'm Speechless

I really am. My kids have been sick for a week. I've had Buster into the Dr. twice and he is making no progress. Today, I woke up with no voice whatsoever. This has only happened to me about three times in my life. Like I'm not even raspy--I have nothing but a small whisper.

It drives me CRAZY! At first my kids thought it was awesome--but then they realized it is still possible to yell without a voice--you just give them the angry eyes and point and yell whisper.

I just had Luke call in two salads to Rumbi's for Sam to pick up. He jumbled it and I tried to get on the phone and whisper to no avail. I felt helpless and it was awful!

Does anyone have any good home remedies for this?

PS. I've been nominated for Best LDS female Solo blog (I know! What the?) Thank you to whoever nominated me! I'm honored to be considered for anything that legitimizes this place where I talk about the Bachelor and other nonsense.

Update: False alarm. The voting hasn't started yet. Clearly, I'm a novice at this stuff. Thanks for the heads up Ashley! I didn't look at the website very carefully. Right now, nominations are still being taken. The poll comes later. So don't go over there and vote yet. Thanks to all of you who already went over there and said nice things about me!

Girls Gone Wild and Goodbye Michelle!

I'm just going to say it. This was Michelle's finest hour. Did her skin look bad? Yes. Was she catty? Yes. But, she did three incredibly smart things. 1. She didn't take her top off 2. She asked Brad to be in her photos with her and in the process, completely made the other girls mad and 3. She kept her mouth shut in the limo on her way out...no exit interview for the first time that I can remember in Bachelor history! Which was such a let-down for me because all I wanted was to see her blubber.

So let's talk about the other ho-bags for a second. What the crap were they thinking taking off their tops? You all know how I feel about SI's Swimsuit edition, especially when women who are role-models take their tops off. I have a feeling that both girls are going to regret that decision sooner rather than later.

Speaking of the three on one group date, I don't know how Brad continues to put up with Chantel's drama. She is driving me crazy right now with her neediness. I think because she dropped the "I Love You" bomb on Brad, she thinks he owes her something. Ashley is equally as bad. These girls need a shot of confidence.

Emily is the front runner but I still think she is going to leave at some point. From the previews, we see that she is going to let Ricky meet Brad. I wish she would have protected her little girl from the cameras. Maybe the producers put on the pressure and she felt like she had to do it, but the last thing that little girl needs is to be on the Bachelor.

I did love Emily's date and more than anything it made me want to go to somewhere warm and tropical. (Sam, are you reading?) I do think we need some different methods of transportation. I texted Mandee "cue the chopper" when it showed up for the fifteenth time this season. I love that Brad broke the rules and told her she was getting a rose. He loves her.

Shawntel's date just made me laugh. Her classy lower back tat, the black bra straps hanging out, the old lady we couldn't understand...it was good tv. The best was when Shawntel and Brad were enjoying the rain and all of a sudden the band shows up with like 50 people and they have to feign interest in that Caribbean singer--kind of like when you are at a Mexican restaurant and you have to stop eating and listen when the mariachi singer comes over--I hate that.

Let's talk about Brit. Oh Britt. You are so twelve years old and you look anorexic. And I think you were wearing a coral colored lingerie on your dinner date with Brad. It was time for you to go. I got worried when Brad dumped you on the yacht because I was concerned about the awkwardness of having to ride all the way back to shore. But nope, the producers thought of everything...they provided that nice little boat for you to ride away in just like when Jillian dumped that guy in the middle of nowhere during the train ride. (Thanks for the reminder Mandee!)

It really isn't going to be the same with Michelle gone. She always brings the crazy. But I honestly can't wait for the hometown dates next week. Until then! I'm out.

Love is in the Air

Valentines Day isn't a big deal at our house. Sam and I usually exchange cards and that is about it. Though, if Sam really wants to blow my mind, he can rub my dogs tomorrow night while I watch the Bachelor.

In honor of the holiday of love, I give you What I love, What I don't love...

1. I Love my new Valentine banner from Tai Pan:


I don't Love Tai Pan's return policy on holiday goods (another story for another day.)

2. I Love my mom for a million reasons but especially for helping my kids make these amazing Valentine's boxes. Sammie wanted a cupcake box. My mom started talking about modge podge and glitter paint and I stopped listening. She is a crafty craftswoman. That gene skipped me.


I don't Love the unusually high standard she has set for the future of Valentine boxes.

3. I Love seeing my little boys playing together and laughing:


I don't Love when Buster is supposed to be taking a nap and I find Ryan in the crib with him.

4. I Love Godiva Chocolate Strawberry truffle bars. I have gone on record proclaiming my love of of mint and chocolate. I also have a thing for fruit and chocolate--chocolate covered bananas, chocolate covered strawberries, etc. Which is weird because I don't love fruit. Anyhoo, these Godiva chocolate bars have dried strawberries in them which makes them crispy. They are wicked good:


I don't Love that I am in Club Phat and won't be taking a single bite of said bars until March 14th.

5. I Love love love my new purse (It is Fossil brand and the outside is wipeable.) I have spring fever so bad right now and my new bag is a little bit of spring on my arm. I suffer from buyer's remorse so much that it is a true treat to actually love a purchase once the tags are off:


I don't Love sloshing through snow carrying the new fun bag.

6. I Love that my gym has parking for parents with small chldren:


I don't Love that there are only 4 of these spots. By the time I haul three children and a heavy carrier in from my usual crappy spot, I already feel like I've had a workout. I saw a grown man with no children leaving one of these spots on Friday. I almost said something. Those spots are sacred and I think they need at least 20 of them.

7. I Love my Sunday nap. It is the best part of my week. It has completely changed my entire feeling about Sundays.

I don't Love 9:00 church that enables the afternoon nap.

8. I Love patterned pantyhose (I know I'm super late to this trend):




I don't Love having Ryan snag them as he brushes past me for the 18th time in Sacrament meeting.

9. I Love one stop shopping--eating dinner with my kids at Subway inside of Walmart (yes--we are those people)



I don't Love that Subway doesn't take my coupons that are only good for Subways not inside of Walmarts. What the?

10. I Love that face:



I don't Love when I am disciplining him and I finish and it is quiet and then he says "Boo yeah!" to me and I can't help but laugh.

Happy Valentines Day and Happy Birthday to my fun mother-in-law CJ!

I'm Smitten

When Sam and I were trying to decide whether to have a fourth child, I just kept imagining a darling baby girl. I really really wanted Sammie to have a little sister and I had plans to dress them alike and even bought matching outfits for both of them. We decided to have another baby because I just knew there was another little girl for our family. Well, I got pregnant and found out I was having another boy.

I cried off and on for a week. Yeah, I know. I shouldn't even admit that publicly when every child is a gift and he was healthy, etc.

Fast forward until now. Buster is 9 months old and the absolute love of my life. This little koala bear that rides around on my hip and smiles at me all day long has saved me. I'm getting emotional as I type this because obviously, Someone Else knew I needed this little boy.

I just got his pictures taken over at Foto Fly. I did start crying when the girl showed them to me. I know. It was totally embarrassing. But I think they are perfect and really capture his adorable personality. Drum roll please:




I want this torquise velvet love seat (it is from Target!):





The money shot:


I love the rolls:


Who me?


Notice the dimple:

Costa Rica!

I like the quote from Steel Magnolias "If you can't say something nice, come sit by me." I'm not feeling like saying anything nice today. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had a treat in a week but I'm ready to rip some one's head off. If you are a Michelle fan, you can leave now.

Let's start with the Giraffe in the room. What the crap was Chantel thinking with the Betty Rubble giraffe print dress last night? (Thanks Chrisy!) I wish I could find a picture. Her hair was bad, the dress was heinous. And I like Chantel. She is just not the snappiest dresser.

I did love Chantel's date with Brad. They left in a ...wait for it...helicopter to go do the world's longest zip line. That zip line was the only thing that made me want to go to Costa Rica. I can leave the rest of it. It looked so cold and rainy.


One thing I like about Chantel is that she's not a size 0. She is still cute and Brad adores her. I loved it when their dinner got rained out and they ran back to Brad's room where Chantel changed into one of Brad's white man shirts. It was a super sexy date.

I loved how the other girls were talking about seeing Chantel come home in his shirt and how mad they were. I also loved how ticked off Michelle was on the group date that Brad was breaking his deal with her to never going repelling again without her. She is such a piece of work. Every time she is comes on, I want to smack her. I loved how she was gloating about the rain for Chantel and it ended up making Chantel's date even better.

How classy was Michelle at the hot springs when she said something like "When I see Brad without his shirt on, it makes me want to go home and...BLEEP!" I think I know what she said and it isn't good. Also, did she pack nothing but workout clothes, bikinis and fancy dresses? Has anyone seen her in real clothes?

Wasn't it so predictable when Michelle showed up at Brad's room after the date? I loved how confused Brad was--like why are you here again? It was so dumb how the producers had that rose out on the ottoman like he might give it to her right there. By the way, my friend Greg pointed out that Michelle's skin is looking really bad. Good call Greg. Okay, enough about Michelle (and her ginorm necklaces.)


Poor pathetic Alli. Her date was so awkward. I feel bad for her too because that date would have been my own personal nightmare--a cave (I'm claustrophobic) with bats(I hate birds and bats are like birds only 10x worse!) I would never have gone in, even for Brad.

The only think Alli has going for her are those cute dimples. Brad knew he had to send her home that night. I laughed out loud when she said "What is this?" and Brad replied "I think it's chicken." You never see them talk about the food.

I loved it when he asked her if she would like to live in a big city like Austin (Brad's bars are in Austin and clearly, whoever wins, will be living in Austin.) She answers "No, not really. People think they're cool because they live in a big city but it's inconvenient to get around." She didn't have a chance anyway. It's okay. She's only 24. She'll be fine. She can just go back to working at Express ("apparel merchant"--gotta love the euphemisms for the jobs) and find someone else.

I knew Jackie was going home tonight. Nothing wrong with her but it's time to trim the fat and get down to the girls who have a chance.

Speaking of the other girls, I'm not loving Ashley and her painted on eyebrows. Brit needs to talk once in a while. Emily is still adorable. She has the best clothes on the show. I still think she is going to leave next week and it is going to break Brad's heart. Shawntel is fine. She seems to have a good personality and gets Michelle's craziness.



I can't wait for Anguilla. No more rain! Don't be surprising me with any trips to Costa Rica Sam! Anyone else got anything not nice to say? Please comment.

Club Phat

Buster

So Buster is 9 months old and he isn't the only one with a little extra chub around here. I still have 10 pounds (15 cough cough) to lose to get back to my normal weight. Usually, I'm not an all or nothing gal. I believe moderation in all things. But guess what? The weight hasn't been coming off and I'm tired of not wearing my normal clothes.

Last Sunday night, my friend Mandee emailed me about a Biggest Loser type competition called Club Phat that started the next day. And I agreed to it for several reasons.

1. I've got a solid 10 pounds to lose.

2. What I've been doing ain't working.

3. There is prize money at the end...the kitty may well get up to like 400 bucks.

Also, I like that this competition is not about just weight loss. You can't starve yourself and win this thing. You get points each day for doing a bunch of healthy stuff like:

no soda/no alcohol
no treats
getting 7 hours of sleep
no eating within 2 hours of bed
taking a multivitamin
drinking 48 oz of water a day
eating three servings of fruits
eating three servings of veggies
a point for each half hour you work out up to 3 points a day

You also get three cheat points a week to use if you mess up on one of the above things except you can't use cheat points for working out. I messed up twice and ate within two hours of bed.

At the end, the person who loses the greatest percentage of their body weight in addition to having the most points wins.

I already work out about four days a week but I've had to kick that up to 6. I also hate veggies but I'm not about to give up a point a day for that (did i mention how competitive I am?) So Sam has been buying me these big relish trays. I also chug V8s to get a couple servings there.



So here is the deal. I've been on the program a week and the first few days were the worst. I thought the no diet coke thing would be the hardest but I was wrong.

The no treats has damn near killed me.

But you know what? That is what is going to make me lose the weight. I will never O.D. on real food. Until I started this, I didn't realize how much garbage I was eating during the day. In fact, now that I'm doing this, I have struggled to find real food to eat. My biggest temptation came Friday night when I took my kids to Mrs Field's at the Mall. Oh how I LOVE those little nibblers with a big Diet Coke. That was a tough night but I pulled through. I have already lost a few pounds.

I even worked out every day this week except today (Sunday). I'm determined to win this thing. To be honest, if I lose the weight, I will feel like a winner regardless of the money.

I promise not to talk about this all the time. Is there anything worse than hearing about someone else's diet or workout plan? In the meantime, I'm going to go chew a piece of gum and look at all the veggies I don't want to eat...5 more weeks...

Fastest Bachelor Post Ever

Sorry for the delay in this post. I had too much going on last night to do it. Now I have a baby in my lap so I'm going to give you my quick thoughts and you all need to comment and fill in the rest!

1. I hate Sin City. I could seriously smell the cigarette smoke and booze through the tv.

2. I loved Shawntel's date. I would kill for a shopping spree like that. I loved it even more when she came home and lorded her purchases over the other girls. I didn't care for Brad's vest though. Who is dressing that guy?



3. I don't mind Shawntel but she does nothing for me. If I were her, I would shut up about my line of work and just be pretty. That is what she does best. Ditto to talking about her cat Peaches with the crazy eyes.

4. I actually shed tears when Emily cried when she got in the race car. I really really hope Brad didn't know about her fiance being a Nascar driver. I swore she told him. Either way, the producers are willing to do anything to provide the drama.

5. I loved watching all the girls get ticked about the time Brad spent with Emily. I fell in love with Emily tonight. Did you all see the previews? My friend Mandee pointed out Emily was not in any of the South Africa previews. I predict Emily will be the one to leave the show and then be the next Bachelorette. You heard it here first folks!

6. Once again, the producers brought the drama with the two Ashleys on the two-on-one date. I was rooting for Ashley S but knew he would pick crazy Ashley H. Ashley H was the better dancer. Can I just say, harnesses are not a good look on anyone? I don't want to see anyone's crotch like that.



7. I was sad for Ashley S in her exit interview in the limo. Why did they keep flashing back and forth between happy Ashley with brad and miserable Ashley going home in the limo. She is only 24 and cute. I have no doubt she will find someone else.

8. Michelle Michelle Michelle. You always bring the crazy. "You are not allowed to talk Brad--I'm just going to tie you to this chair." Is there any doubt the girl is cuckoo? Brad looked so uncomfortable but like any man blinded by sex appeal--he gave her the rose.

9. Alli drove me crazy with her tears and the "I don't feel special business." She better have enjoyed that little dessert from Brad because she is the next to go.

10. I love the exotic dates. I watched the preview twice. I can't wait for the drama!

I'm out.