Bachelorette: Home Town Dates

Every time I watch a season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette, the home town dates are my favorite episode.  Let's get right to it.  Who wouldn't want to take Emily home to meet the 'rents?  She is beautiful and poised and really can do no wrong.  (I apologize in advance for the super fuzzy photos.)

We started with Chris' polish family in Chicago.  The date was fine.  Chris took her to a nasty little hole in the wall bar of some sort for drinks before taking her home.  His parents seemed nice.  Mom was a little intense with her psychobabble.  And older sister Renee looked a little too much like Emily (but a less cute, plastic version.)  I thought Chris' other brunette sister was cute.  Chris finally drops the L bomb on Emily which she seemed pleased with and rewarded him with a kiss.  I thought we were done and then next thing you know, a huge group of polish people show up to dance.  That was probably the death knell for Chris.  Who am I kidding? Chris was on the chopping block before the date ever started.

Next, we came to Zion (for the first time ever in Bachelor history!!)  Jef with one F brings Emily to his family ranch someone in the middle of Southern Utah desolation country.  It was fun to see Jef (who is a total hipster) in the outdoors shooting guns and driving a four wheeler.  Somehow, even in the rural environment, he managed to get his hair higher than ever!  I loved his quote to the cameras "How do I win over Emily?  Shoot every one of those clay pigeons."  I don't know why..but it was funny at the time.  Emily loved seeing Jef shooting pigeons in his skinny jeans too.  I thought Jef's siblings seemed very nice, though his older brother seemed a little intense.  The sisters liked using the word "like" a little too much but in the end, they seemed to approve of Emily.  The brunette sis-in-law was the one who nominated Jef to go on the show.  I learned that little tidbit because I "like" Jef on facebook.  I have no dignity.

After dinner, Jef took Emily up on the mountainside to watch the sunset.  He read her the sweetest letter I have ever heard in Bachelorette history (and I know that isn't saying much considering the only other letter we heard this go round was from the Ox!)  As a single mother, the letter made me swoon.  It made Emily swoon too.  I think my favorite part was when Jef said he would teach Ricki how to love by loving her mother forever. 

Next, we headed next to Scottsdale, AZ to Arie's hometown.  First, Arie had to show off for Emily at the racetrack and we got some gratuitous footage of Emily walking toward the car with her suit half unzipped carrying her helmet with the wind blowing her hair.  She might have even been walking in slow motion.  She did look good in her blue tank top.  After the ride, Arie took Emily home.  I thought Emily looked really overdressed...four inch heels and tiny coctail dress anyone?  Arie's house seemed really dark and we didn't see much of his family.  We saw that little exchange where Arie's mother was speaking in Dutch to Arie about Emily (totally rude yet it somehow made Arie seem smarter!) and then we saw the little conversations between Arie and his dad and Emily and Arie's mom.  It all went well and Emily seemed more in love with Arie than ever.



Finally, we went to Dallas to see Sean and his perfect family.  Everything was perfect about him including the perfectly manicured brick houses on his street, the perfect pool in the back, and the perfect little playhouse.  The only thing that wasn't perfect was Sean's horrible yellow striped V neck.  Awful.  And Sean's dad...so over the top.  That dude should have taken a Valium before the show.  But you can tell Sean's parents are good Southern God fearing people who just want Sean to be able to "give himself to a woman."  What the heck does that mean?  Is Sean a virgin?  If so...yay!  But let's just say the word.



I am so glad that Fleiss has moved away from doing the dumb tricks and silliness that has accompanied the home dates in the past (remember Gia's mom doing the card reading?  ugh.)  But the trick at Sean's house was legitimately awesome.   Sean announced to Emily that he lived at home and took her up to see his "room" which was totally messy and covered in stuffed animals.  I loved how he said "I wish my mom had cleaned up."  I wanted to kill him and so did Emily.  It was really funny.  Finally, he admitted he was joking.

Of course, when it was time for Emily to leave, Sean gave her a kiss and then decided he needed another kiss as the SUV pulled away.  He chased it down his street yelling "Emmmmiiiiilllllllyyyyy!"  just like he was back on the streets of Prague.  I found it so cheesy, I could barely watch.  He gives Emily the most nasty grandma kisses with just a hint of tongue...like nothing touches except the very tips of their lips.  I was honestly convinced at the end of the date, that Sean, not Chris, was going home.  That's how little chemistry those two have.  Don't you worry, Sean will be gone next week!  Mark my words.

The rose ceremony was back in LA (and I have no idea why.)  But of course, Chris didn't get the rose and acted like a total a-- and went home fuming.  That dude showed his true colors all along.  I hope every woman in the greater Chicago area is running scared.  He is a psychopath (with devil eyes!)

Next week, we are going to the Caribbean!  Bring on the romance!