I Am, I Said (Name the Artist!)

I am a lot of things I'm not proud of....

I am a tv watcher. I love my shows. Luke begged me to read the scriptures with him Wednesday night during SYTYCD and I told him no.


I am a regular at McDonald's. Two weeks after I had Buster, I was pulling through the McD's drive-thru and the worker said "You had your baby" in broken English and insisted I roll down the window so she could see him. Apparently, I drank a lot of diet coke from McDonald's while pregnant.


I am a distracted driver--I eat, talk on the phone, and yell at kids while I drive. (Though I would never text--I do have some standards!) I came THIS close to running over a hobo the other day while I was driving downtown. I swear homeless people have no regard for their own lives and almost want to be hit. Scared the crap out of me.

I am a gossip and I am trying to stop. I've had two experiences this month where I said a bad thing about someone and then within 24 hours, that person did something really nice for me. I felt horrible both times.

I am addicted to dairy. I've been off dairy for 1 week--Dr's orders because she thinks Buster might be allergic to it. This alone just might kill me. I've always been the type who only wanted what she couldn't have. Now ALL I want are milkshakes, ice-cream, cheese, instant breakfast and cottage cheese. I may have to stop nursing.


I am lazy. Luke had his birthday party this week. We took 10 kids to see Toy Story 3. We had cupcakes afterwards in the food court. BEST PARTY EVER. I don't think I can ever do a home party again. I am also an emotional mess. I cried twice during the movie during really cute parts.



I am resourceful. Today I put about 20 ratty old boxes on my curb and listed them as free on Craigslist. They were gone in an hour. Saved me from cutting them up and putting them in the dumpster.

I am a moocher. My family makes a lot of garbage. Every Wednesday night under the cover of darkness, Sam sneaks around to all the neighbor's cans depositing our extra trash. We really need a second can.

I am shameless. Remember how I was so offended my people eating lunch at Costco from the sample tables? I did that very thing today with my four children. I have no pride. When we got home and my son asked for lunch, I replied "you had it at Costco."

I am sorry. Do you think I can repent for an entire month of bad behaviour in one fell swoop? I hope so...June has not been pretty for me.

Still Got It

I've always had a way with foreign men. I'm not bragging, believe me. I think it was my red hair, but whatever the reason, men from all over the world (except the USA) seemed to fall in love with me.

When I was a freshman at BYU, there was a student from Korea in my ward named Johnnie. I taught him some important English phrases like "What's up monkey butt?" and he started sending me love packages containing all sorts of dolphin merchandise (not the team, the animal.) He followed me my entire freshman year, took me to one very awkward Chicago concert and called me regularly from his mission until I finally told him I was engaged.

Johnnie is directly below me in the photo

There was Miku from Hungary my sophmore year at BYU and so on and so on.

Miku is in the black vest

Then I went to Jerusalem on study abroad and I got attention there as well. Of course, none of the boys in the program had any interest in me but the Arabs liked me.

What in the nasty am I doing with this guy?

One man in Jordan gave me his picture on the street with his info written on a slip of paper. He asked me if I wanted a Jordanian fiancee. I have no idea why I still have this stuff.

The funny thing about foreign men is that because of the language barrier, they don't have the luxury of playing it cool. They have no time for the nuances of the English language. They just lay it on thick because they have only a few words they can use--"beautiful," "sexy," etc. It is quite embarrassing.

So why do I bring all this up? Yesterday I was trolling through the mall with two kids in tow. I never, ever stop for the people soliciting products from kiosks (green tea, curling irons, etc). But yesterday for some unexplicable reason, I did. This young Israeli was peddling lotion from the Dead Sea. I stuck my hand out for a sample and he pulled me over. As we discussed the lotion, he told me how pretty I was, how nice my hands were. I told him I studied in Jerusalem 12 years ago and he said if we would have met then, he would have married me. Forget the fact that he was probably 10 years old when I was there.


The scary thing is, I knew the guy was blowing smoke, I knew he told all the women that, but for a split second, I considered buying his lotion gift set for $49.95. I guess I'm that easy. Don't worry Sam, I regained my composure quickly and put my wallet away. I haven't been hit on by a foreign man in over 10 years but the important thing is I still got it!