Fast Forward My Life

Have you ever wanted to push the fast forward button on your life? You know that you are in no man's land and that in another month, life is going to get way better but you just have to get there? And there is no way out of it--you just have to get through it?

The summer I graduated from college was the longest summer of my life. I got a job from a temp agency (SOS staffing services!) and got hired at American Stores Co. I basically helped out in an office and had to wear nude pantyhose under my sandals (the horror!) and never had enough to do. I was starting BYU in the fall and I just knew I was going to love it if I could endure about 90 days of hell. I made it, barely, but it wasn't easy.

Now, I'm a grown woman with 3 1/2 kids and I still want to fast forward through the next 30 days. Here are the reasons:

1. The house mess (of course): This was my kitchen last Saturday:


Dust everywhere--cabs pulled out, filthy kids from the dust, I can't find a thing. The only thing that gives me hope is that my living room looks like this beneath all the furniture stuffed in there:




Right now, it looks like this:


But as I type this, I have a dude upstairs installing a new fireplace surround in my family room so I'm this much closer to a finished product.

It's not all bad. Sam put my cabs and appliances back with counter tops sitting on top so I can still prepare food and we have some semblance of normalcy. The entire job will be done in a month. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

2. The broken arm. This really isn't a biggie. Ryan doesn't seem to mind the broken arm too much. He keeps on keeping on. The biggest bummer is that he can't get in the bath, which is the highlight of this almost two-year-old's day. I want to give a shout-out to Glad press and cling for keeping the cast clean while he eats. Brilliant.


3. My church calling. I am on the stake primary board in charge of activity days. I am planning a day camp for 150 8-11 year old girls and their leaders on March 13th. We will be serving breakfast, making necklaces, doing workshops, doing a service project for Project Linus and watching a short DVD about Christ. Everyone keep me in your prayers because the whole thing could bomb. Every night I'm cutting out paper for these ^$%^@*(*! necklaces.

They are two-sided. I'm too lazy to actually glue the jump ring on and thread the ribbon through but you get the idea.

4. The weather. So cliche but I am so sick of gray cement skies. It was sunny two days ago so I washed and vacuumed my car (don't faint Sam!) and then it snowed yesterday. In a month, I know it will be better.


So that is why I want to FF my life. I'm even willing to miss my b-day to skip the entire month of March. Oh well, I'll soldier on.

ps. my friend Jill is involved in this awesome bike relay called Saints to Sinners (see button on my sidebar.) It is like Ragnar on a bike I've been told. I just love the name since the race goes from SL to Vegas. If I wasn't 300 pounds right now, I'd consider signing up. Check it out.

The Women Tell All

I kind of hate the Women Tell All shows. But I couldn't help myself--I had to watch.

Some thoughts:

1. I thought Ali was the star of the show. She looked beautiful, she was honest, and she was classy. I liked that she admitted she made a mistake and would have done things differently. I loved Jake's heartfelt words to her. I kind of have a feeling things aren't going to work out for Jake and Vienna and Jake is going to get on a plane and fly to Ali and they will live happily ever after. You heard it hear first folks. I, for one, will be cheering.

2. I love that Elizabeth had to watch how dumb she looked on tv. I like that she admitted her no kissing rule was dumb.

3. Michelle=still crazy.

4. Gia=still beautiful and classy. She is my prediction for the next bachelorette.

5. I loved Jake's message to Christina. I've never seen a bachelor tell a girl he wished he hadn't sent her home after watching the show. She seemed really touched by his words.

6. I thought Ella handled herself beautifully. She stuck it to Rozlyn.

7. Rozlyn looked like the biggest slut ever. Could she be a bigger liar? And what about that shot she took at Chris right at the end of her interview about him hitting on the producer's wife in Australia? Blech. I think it only made her look worse because now we all know the producer was married. Double blech.

8. I kind of wonder if Jake doesn't end up with anyone in the end, a la Brad Womack. Chris didn't ask Jake if he was in love--he asked him if he was happy with his decision and Jake said yes. By the way, I hated Jake's sports jacket over the tee look. You're the Bachelor--Wear a shirt and tie for crying out loud!

What were your thoughts? Am I missing anything?

Spring Fever

Have you seen Gymboree's new Easter line? I now have an official case of spring fever. It has been a loooong time since I have loved anything at Gymboree. But I love this new green and pink line. Of course, I already have Easter clothes for my kids for this year so I went ahead and bought it all for next year. (Don't worry Sam--I had a coupon!) Clearly, I have a problem. I've got to break this vicious cycle!

For Sammie, I bought this darling tulip dress:



Look how cute the back is:



And this cardigan to go over it--it's still cold here on Easter:



If she was still in Baby Girl, I would have bought her this dress and the same cardigan:



Or maybe this darling gingham number:



But alas, that ship has sailed. She is in kid girl now. I even thought the accessories were adorable:





Sammie collects purses and she convinced me to buy her yet another purse:



Even the rest of the line was cute:





For my boys, I've decided that my new favorite thing is to have them coordinate but not match. They will be wearing these get-ups but my two little ones will be wearing brown seersucker shorts:







Ryan loved this t-shirt and kept trying to give the dog five so I bought it for him:



Now everyone else--please go blow the wad like I did so I don't feel so bad.

No More Monkeys Jumping OUT of the Bed

Poor poor Ryan. The kid has been terrible the last few days. He has been crying, clingy and will not sit in his highchair. Yesterday, I was fed up and I dumped him in his crib. I shut the door and started walking down the hall. I heard a loud thud. I went back in his room and he was lying on the floor screaming. Apparently, he had thrown himself over the edge of the crib.

To make a long story short, he has also had a fever so I took him in to see the doctor this evening. She diagnosed him with a double ear infection. Then I casually mentioned that he has been holding his arm a little funny since he fell out of the crib. She checked him out and referred us to the hospital for x-rays. Turns out he broke both bones in his left forearm. He is in a splint right now and will get his arm set and put in a cast in about a week.

I feel so bad because he has wanted to be held non-stop today and I've been so annoyed with him. I didn't know he had a broken arm or an ear infection and I was just annoyed that I couldn't get anything done and it is hard to hold him when I am this big and pregnant. I realize I wasn't very gentle getting him dressed today and now I feel terrible.

He will be getting lots of TLC tomorrow.

What I Don't Want to Hear--Pregnacy Rant

Let me preface this with saying I know I am an overly-sensitive pregnant woman. I also know that I have the body type of a chicken and thus when I get pregnant, I put all of the weight on in the top half of my body. I also know that I carry the baby straight out in front and from the second I conceive, I look pregnant. By this point, I look like I'm ready to deliver. Okay, with that said, here is what happened at church on Sunday:

I walk into nursery to pick up my son. Another mom is hanging out in there. She immediately tells me about a "contagious looking rash" on my son's stomach. I inform her it is eczema and she continues to ride me about it. Finally, she changes the subject. I am already in a bad mood for being called out about my son's "rash."

She asks "When are you due?" For most pregnant women, this is an innocent question. But I hate getting asked this. Why? Because I always get the same surprised response. I say "June 8th" and then the other person usually looks shocked and surprised and says something stupid like "NO WAY!"

In this case, the girl said, "I'M SO SORRY!" She then counted on her hand "February, March, April, May, June! Five months away!" Instead of correcting her that you don't count the month you're in, and I'm due at the beginning of June and we are in the middle of February, I simply said, "I usually come early."

I left pissed. The correct response would have been for her to simply say "That's great!" or "Summer babies are the best" or "You look great!" Lie for heaven's sake! If I'm big enough (literally and figuratively) to own my weight and be honest about my due date, the least she could do is not act completely surprised and appalled at my size. Okay, I'm done. I'll probably delete this post tomorrow.

Sheesh.

The Fantasy Suite Dates

I begged Sam to watch this episode with me. For some reason, it is always more fun to watch the show with someone else. He made fun of everyone and had me laughing so hard. So I am definitely coming to my review with a bit of a cynical edge.

First, The date with Gia was fine. She is a beautiful. Sam kept making fun of her botox lips. I was laughing during their dinner when Jake explained what he wants in a marriage and she was like "Phew, I want that too." Like, "Oh good, I'm glad we got that out of the way, you'll be a perfect husband." People can say anything in this stage of the game. I want to see them five years into their marriage. Which won't happen since he sent Gia packing tonight.

I actually thought Gia left with dignity and I never minded her. I can't believe I'm saying this but I almost wanted Jake to pick Gia over Tenley (since we all know he is going to end up with Vienna). Tenley just bored me tonight.

On Tenley's date, I felt like she just giggled and kept saying how special every was. I know that is who she is but it gets old for me. She is darling and I think she is genuine and would be the sweetest girl long term and really wants to find love but for me, I just can't take all the syrupy sweetness. It was funny when Jake told her how special he thought her solo dance was back on the hometown date. (Imagine me gagging myself.) And then she replied that she feels so special that he thought it was special or something stupid like that.

Oh Sausage. Where do I start. Oh yeah, with that ridiculous pirate ship escapade. Sam and I were laughing so hard when she put the eye patch on Jake and he kept the uncovered eye shut as well. He was like "I can't see!" She had to tell him to open the good eye. Duh!

Since Sam hadn't seen the show, it was funny to get his impression of Sausage. He just kept saying how trashy she was and how he couldn't believe she was there. The brassy, fake blond hair and crazy eyes...But with that said, I can tell Jake loves being around her. He feels free to be immature and stupid with her. And to be honest, I think they have more chemistry than Jake does with Tenley.

At the end, Tenley looked adorable standing there in her cute beachy dress and little flower in her hair. Sausage looked ridiculous in that long, heavy, satin, Burgundy number. They couldn't be more different but apparently, he's in love with both of them. Did you notice how Vienna was the only one he asked about rings?

The Ali thing was so staged. I can't even waste another sentence talking about it. Good for Jake for not bringing her back.

I can't wait for Jake's family to meet the two girls and to see them fall all over Tenley and tell Jake he is crazy for liking Vienna and then watch Jake pick Vienna anyway. This show is so easy to predict.

Tune in next week for the "Girls Tell All." It should be a cat fight.

What I Love, What I Don't Love

After my post last night, I decided it was high time for something a little lighter. My life has been crazy this week. So in honor of Valentine's Day, I give you What I Love; What I Don't Love.

1. I love the new wood floors in the living room (no molding yet--don't judge!)

(This is a terrible picture with too much flash. Ignore all the equipment--I was too lazy to move it.)

I don't love every piece of furniture in my home stuffed into my family room and still having nowhere to sit.

2. I love making a robot Valentine box with Luke.



I don't love that after we completed it, Luke came home from school and announced that his teacher said they could bring a small box or Manila envelope for their valentines. I said screw it--he's taking it.

3. I love going to Babies R Us and picking out a brand new travel system for the new baby.



I don't love the cost, I don't love that I'm buying new stuff for my last child, and I especially don't love hauling the &;#%@^)#$ thing back to the store because we discover that the car seat only goes up to 20 pounds--defeating our whole purpose for buying a new one!

4. I love Sam getting dressed up and taking Sammie to the princess Ball at our gym because she wanted to go and she asked him to take her. Sammie had a blast.


I Don't Love getting texts from him throughout the evening telling me stuff like "It is not a professional Ariel." (All of the princesses were gym workers dressed up--Ariel happened to be a large, 40 something-year-old lady with black hair.)

5. I love Valentine candy of all kinds.


I don't love when I polish off an entire bag of fun size Snickers and Twix by myself in two days.

6. I love Sammie in her Valentine outfit.


I don't love that she has refused to wear anything else for the last two weeks.

7. I love that Ryan imitates his sister when she does the over the shoulder poses.


I REALLY don't love when I get on the computer for literally 10 minutes and he takes a purple magic marker to my kitchen cabinets, floors, walls and every piece of furniture I own--(because every piece of furniture I own is in the family room-see #1.) By some miracle is was a washable marker and it came off everything including my upholstered furniture.

8. I love McDonald's for peddling sanity in a cup every day for 99 cents.


I don't love that I usually end up buying McNuggets or a burger to wash it down.

9. I love losing 5 pounds in 24 hours.

I don't love that it took a serious bout with the stomach flu to do it and then I gained it all back in the next 48 hours. See #5 and #8


10. I love this man for understanding my neurosis and loving me anyway (and for slaving away on my wood floors!)


I don't love when I see him lying in bed at night perusing the SI swimsuit edition as I am changing from my gigantic maternity jeans into a pair of gigantic red pajamas. (He hates this picture and posting it on my blog is my payback!)

Happy Valentines Day!

Shame on You Girls

Sam's Sport Illustrated Swim Suit Edition came in the mail today. Without really thinking about it, I threw it on the table with the rest of the mail. While I was cooking dinner, I flipped it open and saw all the usual gorgeous bodies in tiny bikinis. No surprise there.

That is, until I flipped open to the section featuring four of the girls on the Olympic ski and snowboarding team. Lindsey Vonn, Hannah Teter, Clair Bidez and Lacy Schnoor were all featured in the most provocative poses. Two of the girls were topless. When I went online to find a picture to put with this post, every one of the girls was topless in at least one picture. The one I included was the least offensive of the bunch.

I know I'm going to sound like a prude saying this but I don't care. I have no problem with the SI models posing in the bikinis and being as risque as they want to be. But these four women are athletes. They are role models whether they like it or not. So now little girls are learning it is not enough to just be a great athlete--you have to be sexy and provocative too. Worse yet, these women are representing the United States. Shame on you four. Have a little dignity. Show some pride in your country and your sport. I'm disappointed.

I can already hear Sam's comment "Hate the game, not the player."

The Hometown Dates

I always look forward to the hometown dates because you get a feel for who the girls really are. Jake may have said that exact thing on camera but it's true. Tenley's family was so sweet and classy--just like her. Ali's were what we expected, Gia's were a little less sophisticated than I thought they would be and Sausage's family were total rednecks.

I have to jump right to Sausage's hometown date for just a minute. Did anyone else think her relationship with her dad was a little weird? She just drives me crazy. I can't say it enough. How does Jake like her--especially coming straight from Tenley's house? Is he slumming?

Let's talk about Ali leaving for her job. C'mon producers. You just did this with Ed and Jillian. Give us viewers a little credit. The whole thing felt so staged. Ali is doing a good job of producing the water works. But I found that Jake was strangely unemotional. And we all know Jake is an emotional man. He forced up some tears when she left but he was all smiles moments later with the other girls. I just think he knew she wasn't the one.

This is what I don't understand: If you are really in love with a man, like Ali seemed like she was on the hometown date, why on earth would you ever pick a job over the guy? Even if I only had one chance in four, I would take it. Wouldn't you? Did she just know he wasn't going to pick her--or did the producers guarantee her they would fly her to St. Lucia to win him back? I don't know, but the whole thing smells fishy.

Did you notice Ali's hair at the rose ceremony? It looked like she was headed to the gym.

For the first time tonight, I started to wonder if Tenley is just too sugary sweet even for Jake. I love Tenley--she is still my first choice for him--but it does seem that he is more attracted to Vienna for whatever reason. Gia is still gorgeous but I just think their relationship lacks depth. I really liked Gia's relationship with her mother. However, did you see that snippet at the end when the mother read Jake's cards? Now Jake knows Gia's mother is crazy. That kind of thing always backfires. My prediction is that Gia is the next to go.

I can't wait until next week to see if Jake utilizes the fantasy suites. I am going to predict that he does with Gia and Sausage but that Tenley refuses. What do you think?

Bachelor Post Coming..Sorry for the Delay

My boys and I have the stomach flu. We had a really rough night and I haven't been able to watch the Bachelor yet. I will be posting in the next day or two!

Good Friends + Good Food=My Favorite Combination

Remember when I posted about our friend Amy Bagley, who set me and Sam up on our first date? Well, Amy (We call her "Bagley") and her husband Nate (who just so happens to be Sam's best friend growing up) were in town from Vermont and we got to spend some time with them.

We have known Amy and Nate forever. They feel like family to me. Bagley is pregnant and due about 5 weeks after me and doesn't even look pregnant. I'm trying to forgive her for that. I love Amy and Nate because they understand when I have to ask a second stranger to take a picture of the four of us because in the first picture, I looked as big as the side of a house.


We ate a Settabello pizzeria downtown. If you haven't been to Settabello, you really must go. They have great authentic Italian pizza that you tear with your hands. The Caprese salad is to die for.


We then headed out to the Jazz game where we enjoyed a mother-daughter duo directly in front of us who were shaking their moneymakers for the entire game. I must be getting old because I was just annoyed the whole time at how loud the game was. I had to yell to talk to Bagley.

Finally, we headed back to Settabello for gelato. The gelato is reason enough to go to Settabello. Delish. I got the peanut butter brownie and Hazelnut combination and I was not disappointed.

Thanks Amy and Nate (Nate is one of the three men who read my blog!) for a very fun evening.

Out with the Old

Drum roll please...We are updating our kitchen! I have been so excited to talk about this on my blog but I wanted to be sure it was really going to happen. Back in December, when I mentioned to Sam that our carpets really needed to be cleaned, he casually said, "Maybe we should just put in hard wood floors." From there it kind of snowballed into something much bigger.

I have blogged about wanting to change my kitchen here and here. So this is a dream come true for me. I have a way of smothering a project like this and it has consumed my last couple of months. I am so nervous with what I have picked and I hope it will all come together.

This is what my kitchen used to look like:

Good-bye oak cabinets, white tile, white appliances, blue and yellow accessories!

Good-bye oak as far as the eye can see:


Good-bye oak mantel and white tile surround!


Good-bye living room carpet:


Here is what Sam was doing on Saturday:


So I guess there is no turning back now.

Here are my kids watching him rip out the tile. I made them wear shades to protect their eyes in case of flying shrapnel.


Here is my family room presently with all of this extra furniture and wood in it:


Stay tuned for more pictures and updates. Sam is ripping out the tile and carpet and laying the hard wood floors himself. Heaven help us. The rest is being contracted out. So far, I have everything picked out except my granite for my counter tops. I am still stressing over that but hopefully it will be resolved soon!