High Maintenance Woman

I would not usually classify myself as a high maintenance woman (at least not in the beauty department.) But lately, all of that has changed. Each year that I get older, I have to try harder to look cute.

A few weeks ago, I saw my hairdresser Holly at the gym. She had the most gorgeous eyelashes. Turns out she had eyelash extensions. I was all over it, not so much because I wanted longer lashes, but because I have always dreamed of dark lashes. I went in and voila--no more mascara for me!



I honestly love them so much, I may have to keep them forever. Did I mention I've quit wearing make-up since I got them...I guess that negates some of the high maintenance right? I also got my eyebrows tinted which also helps me not look like an albino.

A while back, I bought a shellac mani-pedi on Groupon and decided to go use it since I have a family picture and vacation coming up. Look at my pretty nails wrapped around a DC:



Shellac baby! I love it. It's your own nails so you can still do everything but they are super hard and don't chip. Honestly, Shellac, where have you been all my life?

This is in addition to getting my hair done and I'm going in for a spray tan tomorrow for all of the upcoming festivities. Seriously. I can't even keep track of all my appointments. But it is because I have no natural beauty. I shudder at the thought of me as a pioneer. I would have never married.

Now it's your turn. What is your latest high maintenance thing you do in the name of beauty?

ps. Hapari is having a Fourth of July sale where everything is 40% off if you use the coupon code sale40. If you have been thinking about getting a suit from them, now is the time!

Best Ever Bachelorette in Hong Kong

I loved last night's show for so many reasons. The drama people!! What a good show!

I went up to my mom's house to watch Ashley reunite with Bentley on the big screen. My sister Ashley was in town and it was so fun to eat everything in sight and watch the show together.



The funniest part of the night was when my mom and I declared that Ames was the best guy left. A mere moments later, he had his scene in the elevator with Ashley where he was sooo cheesy and both me and my mom tried to back off of our love of Ames. My sister held us to it and kept saying "he's your guy!"

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning. Hong Kong is the coolest city in the world. I dream of going there on a vacay.

Next, Bentley is sooooo lame. He is disgusting and I love that Ashley got closure with him. He was still trying to flirt with her while he was saying he wasn't interested. I can't stand him. I love that Ashley told him off. She can finally put an end to the dreaded dot dot dot! Good-bye forever Bentley!

I am loving Ashley these days. I know. She won me over. I think she is cute and smart and ready to find love. I do have to say, she is the most bow-legged woman I have ever seen. I also think telling the guys about Bentley was a crucial mistake. That totally backfired. Sometimes honestly isn't always the best policy. But I felt really bad for her when all the guys ganged up and were being mean to her. I seriously wanted her to take Lucas' rose back. I would have. He is a total jerk. And I'm glad she didn't give Blake a rose. I know he came around at the end of the show but he made Ashley cry. I don't think she was into him anyway and it was time for him to go.

My sister Ashley loved Mickie. I think he is really good looking but I didn't like how he acted like Ashley owed him something. He was traveling the world on ABC's dime. With that said, I am voting for him to be our next Bachelor. Check out these photos I found of him. Ashley, these are for you:





I loved the group date. It was like Bachelorette meets the Apprentice or something. My mom and sis and I were cheering for Ames and Mickie so we were thrilled when they won. I have to hand it to the cavemen though. It did make me laugh when they gave up on finding people and just went looking for sweet robes to wear in the race.

I thought one of the funniest parts of the show was when Ashley gave Ryan the rose on the group date. The looks on the other guys' faces were priceless.

What do we think about Ames? My friend Laura calls him "a Ken doll that slipped through quality control." I am so torn on him. I think he is cute--he's got a Harry Connick Jr. thing going and he is so polite which I love but he says really cheesy stuff which I don't love. All of my gourmet dinner night friends will totally laugh at what he was wearing at the rose ceremony last night (with the navy blazer!--inside joke!)



I still like him though, mostly because he is smart and can look cute sometimes when he keeps his mouth shut. Rumor has it that he is actually on the upcoming Bachelor Pad 2 (did he just lose all credibility?!) and is dating Jackie from Brad's season of the Bachelor.

J.P. is totally the front runner. I'm convinced she picks him and I would be happy with that. What scares the living hell out of me is that caveman #1 (Ben) would be the runner up and thus be our next bachelor! My prediction is that Caveman #2 (Constantine) sticks around a bit longer but he is on the way out. At the end of the show last night, we watched the preview of the upcoming episodes twice! Every time we could identify a guy, we said his name so we could figure out who was going home next week and who goes to Fiji. Whenever we saw Ben or Constantine, we simply said "caveman" and didn't differentiate between the two.

I predict Lucas is going home next week. He is rude and didn't have a good reason for his divorce and I say good riddance. Plus, we didn't see him in Fiji so we know he gets canned next week. We are trying to figure out who gets sent home and then comes back. My guess is J.P. but it could also be Blake. What do you all think?

Mystery

I have started finding the same odd holes in the front of all of my shirts. Aargh!



Here is a close-up:



And this is an example of when it gets really bad:



I can't figure out where they are coming from. Anyone else have this problem?

Trimming the Fat

This isn't another post about my weight loss efforts. I've pretty much fallen off the wagon on that front. This is about Ashley getting rid of three guys who didn't stand a chance.

To be honest, I liked lawyer Ben. He was a bit eager at times, but he was sincere and he was smart and kind. And next to William, he looked like George Clooney. William is the world's biggest dufas. I was sooo annoyed with him when he was totally sloshed before the date and kept saying cocky stuff to Ben. Then he goes on the date and acts totally immature and throws Ben under the bus ("I'm not trying to throw the guy under the bus but....")

I felt so bad for Ben. The whole way it went down was so cowardly. Ashley should have given Ben a chance to defend himself before getting rid of him. Clearly, she wanted him to go anyway, but she shouldn't have canned him right after she spoke to William. Ben deserved to be angry.

I was thrilled when she sent William packing as well.

As for Meathead, I feel bad for him. He seems really nice and genuine, and he spoke more tonight than he has the entire season. But he wasn't a contender so he had to go.

Poor poor Ames. What the crap were the producers thinking having them fight? I hated that whole thing. Ames is so polite, he let all the other guys pick their outfit first, and he ends up in hot pink! And then gets his bell rung in the ring because he's not a fighter. He still has a pretty good bod though. I wonder what he is doing to work out. The only silver lining of the whole fighting business was seeing the guys with no shirts on. There really hasn't been enough hot tubbing this season!

I don't think Mickie said a word tonight. Lucas is cute but I'm still afraid of him. The cavemen are soooo ugly. Constantine wants to go home and for the love, I hope Ashley comes to her senses soon and sends him packing. Ben is so gnarly and if she ends up with him, I swear on a stack of bibles I will never watch the show again. That little kissing charade in front of the temple was so nasty. I thought I was watching Elizabeth tease Jake (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!)

I want Ryan gone. I'm tired of him blowing sunshine up Ashley's skirt. I actually like Blake. I've come around on him. I think he might have a chance.

Bentley--it is all making sense now. Sam's friend said Bentley went to Hong Kong but then the previews last week made it look like he was going to be in Thailand. Next week is going to be so ugly. It looks like all the guys turn on Ashley and Bentley does too!

Real World Salt Lake

Just to prove my blog is more than just the Bachelorette (not much more)..Here is what we have been up to this summer:

End of School craziness--I love the last two weeks of school but it it madness. I helped with three Kindergarten parties. Sammie had to make a car and bring it to school for a road rally (because that's really what every mom wants to be doing during the busiest week of her life).....I gave the job to Sam and he ran with it:



Here are Luke and Sammie on crazy hair day:



My favorite was that she had a mini tiara stuck into her bangs

And Hawaiian day:



We have started swimming lessons again (my favorite part of summer because I get to sit in the shade and pick up a big diet coke on the way home.)


Yes, I dress them the same every day...it is my right.

We finally finished soccer (Sam coached Luke's team):





We have also done plenty of pool time, some mall time (it's not all about the kids), and two Bee's Games:

I took the kids to Boondocks to scout the place out for Luke's upcoming birthday party. My three kids got into one of the bumper boats and went out on the water with a group of teenage girls who made it very clear they didn't want to get wet. Well guess who didn't give a rip what they wanted? Luke sprayed those girls until they were sopping wet. I had to walk away because I was laughing so hard:



Ryan tooling around Boondocks after he got wet in the boats...I have no pride.



And of course, we take lots of rides in the jeep in the evenings...good times!

Bachlorette in Thailand

Sorry for the delay in posting. It is summer and my kids are in my grill full time.

I was really bored with last night's show. I don't know if the dates were just boring or the guys but I found myself fast forwarding a bit.

The beginning of the show was so lame with Ashley sitting down and having the staged conversation with the concierge pretending she was planning the dates. As if the producers don't plan every detail of those dates!

I'm glad they did the orphanage date. At least the show did something to give back. I was annoyed with Ashley though that she insisted on giving out an extra rose. She needs to trim the fat. There are way too many guys to keep track of.

Let's talk about the guys we have left:

Ames: I'm torn on him. One minute, he is cute and sweet and funny and the next, he is Quasimodo (thanks Laura!) Sam will hate me for saying this, but something about him reminds me of Sam except Sam's eyes aren't that far apart and Sam doesn't turn his fork over when he eats meat (drove me crazy!)



The caveman (Constantine and Ben) These two are so unattractive. Did you love Constantine's Adidas sandals and orange shorts? Yes, I know he thought he was going on a boat. I honestly can't tell these two apart and they are both ugly. Constantine "owns a restaurant" back in Georgia. Best case scenario: he has a Fazoli's franchise. Ben put that ugly elephant on the wall at the orphanage. I can't believe he got the rose. He said Ashley was "buzzing around him" like three times. These two need to go stat.





Add some beards and these two would be the Geico Cavemen:



Ryan (sunshine boy) I was wrong about him. I thought he was charming at first but turns out he is just plain annoying. His smile seems fake, he is bossy and I can totally see why the other guys can't stand him. The worst was how he pulled Ashley aside right before she gave out the rose just to say "I like you" or "I'm having a good time' or something else equally inane:



Blake: Even though I don't like Ryan, Blake shouldn't have pulled him aside to tell him no one liked him. I'm all for confrontation (ask Sam!) but you save that for when someone is truly out of line. Blake is a short-timer.



Meat head (aka the personal trainer from Florida) This guy doesn't even have a name in my book. He never ever talks. I'm glad we got that last clip of him doing push-ups with Ashley on his back or I would have assumed he never had any contact with her. He is always red-faced and flexing his guns. While I'm not against such things, you've got to talk too, pal.



Lucas: I think Lucas is cute but I am leary of any man who "fell out of love" with his first wife. Run Ashley!



The good guys:

J.P. Hello! These two have chemistry! I love them together. My sister Ashley thinks J.P. is totally hot and I don't. But I like him with Ashley. He is the front runner.



Mickie: He is a young Tom Hanks. I like Mickie. I hope she gets more time with him. I am always weary of the occupation--"chef"--could be microwaving stuff at the O.G.



William: I honestly forgot about him last night. He had no airtime and remains in the background. I still like him even though he made a total arse of himself at the roast.



Who am I forgetting? Sheesh. Too many guys.

I'm glad West went home. He was nice but boring.

Could you believe how many times Ashley brought up Bentley last night? She is obsessed. Rumor has it, Ashley begged the producers to bring him back to the show. So they called him up and offered him a free week in Thailand but he had to spend an hour with Ashley on tv. He was like "I've never been to Thailand...so I guess I'll do it...hope my hair looks good."


Can't wait to see that train wreck next week!

Poor poor Ashley

I came into this season not being a big Ashley fan. But how can you not feel sorry for the girl after tonight?

Let's start at the beginning. I never really liked Ben. He always seemed too eager. But during the dance portion of his date, he started to grow on me. I love the flash mob business and he was really cute dancing with Ashley to the band. I turned to Sam and said "he's cute." Then they went to dinner and he started talking super duper fast about love and he started to freak me out. Not cute anymore dang it. But Ashley didn't seem to mind. He still got a rose. I still like Ben. Hopefully, he can chill a bit.



Onto the group date at the Comedy club. These dates are ALWAYS a disaster. I thought Blake (the dentist) did pretty well. The guys who played it safe and only made fun of the other guys were the smartest. I don't care if the point of the whole thing was to roast Ashley--you don't do it!



Willian William William. You were so cute and had so much potential. You have those cute dimples--why do you have to be such a bonehead? He really blew it tonight. I almost started crying when he roasted Ashley. It was soooo uncomfortable. And why all the jokes about her boobs? Seriously.

This is where Bentley comes in full force. I don't get it folks. Why is he on the show. He isn't promoting his business (the trampoline place). Why does he keep leading Ashley on? And for the love, why does he keep telling the cameras how he has no feelings for her, is not attracted to her, etc etc. Ashley is going to be 10x as crushed as she is right now when she watches the show.


Could he be a bigger jerk? I have no idea why she is so attached to him. He mumbles, he doesn't compliment her or tell her he is in love with her. He is just weird and cocky and awkward and sooooo mean.

Did you all love how he paused in his diatribe about how unattractive Ashley is to say that at one moment she straddled him and he thought he could hook up with her here and there. He is disgusting. The rumor is, he comes back at some point in the show. Honestly. I hope every woman in America is watching and seeing what a smarmy, skeaze he is.

J.P. looks like a knight in shining armor after Bentley. I felt bad for him though. He got Ashley in glasses and sweats and a puffy face...not cute.

I liked Chris Harrison's chat with Ashley. He is always the voice of reason. I forgot to even talk about the old dude taking off the mask...so anticlimatic...who even cares?



Don't you all think Costantine and the other Ben look like twins?

Who are we rooting for now people? I kind of like Ryan and J.P. and I hate to admit it, William. I kind of think Ames is cute too even though his eyes are way too far apart. What about you folks?

Surprise, Surprise (said in a sarcastic tone)

So the big surprise fell through. I was supposed to have dinner with Bentley tonight. Sam works with his best friend and had the whole thing lined up. I was planning to ask him all sorts of questions about the process of applying for the Bachelorette, what made him decide to go on the show, what role the producers play in all of it and what on earth is the deal with the dude in the mask. But alas, Bentley cancelled at the last minute.

I was not surprised. Apparently, after Monday night's show, he was pretty embarrassed and rightly so. Honestly, I am embarrassed for the guy too. I would be hiding in a cave in Afghanistan if I said "tickle my pickle" on national tv.

I don't think he could have been a bigger jerk on the show if he had tried. His best line yet was "I'd rather be swimming in pee than planning a wedding with Ashley." I have a feeling it only gets worse next week. I was really hoping he was going to show me he was a decent guy in real life and I could blame his poor showing on the producers. But now I'm just going to blame him. I'm not a huge Ashley fan, but he is out of line. I don't think another contestant has ever said that many mean things about the person he is supposed to be wooing.

Keep hiding Bentley!

Tune in next week for a no-holds barred Bachelorette recap!