Friday, April 29, 2011

How I Know I'm Getting Old

1. I watched highlights of the Royal Wedding and shed tears.

2. I've started to love the I.N.C. department at Macy's (it is also my mother's favorite...what's next, Coldwater Creek?)

3. I fell asleep at a stop light today. The lady behind me honked when the light turned green and it woke me up.

4. I have a astigmatism. Just saying the word makes me sound old. (All eye words like cataract and astigmatism sound like they are for old people.) I got contact lenses because Heaven knows I don't have the face for glasses. The contacts are a nightmare. (This really should be it's own post. I am so afraid of eye stuff. It takes me 10 minutes to get them in and out and I still can't see!)

5. Sam had knee surgery a few weeks ago. People asked me if he got injured and the answer is no. We are now officially having surgeries to repair bad joints. He goes to the gym, not to get in shape, but to get his mobility back. We are ancient.

6. I took Luke to Nordstrom to get some clothes for his upcoming baptism. He looked so dang old in the blazer in the dressing room. I started picturing him leaving on his mission until he hid in the rounders and I remembered he is still seven.

7. Sammie is watching big kid shows every chance she gets. Her favorite is Big Time Rush. She is crushing on the teenage actors. Kendall anyone? She also insists that I put her hair in sponge rollers for church and paint her nails and toenails. I don't even have time to do that for myself...diva.

8. Ryan just looks old. Thank goodness he still acts like a toddler. He is afraid of the Easter Bunny, the Jazz Bear, the Bee at the Bee's games, the Chic-fil-e cow and a stray cat that wanders our neighborhood. He is also not potty-trained and wears nothing but rain boots (the tackiest thing since light up shoes.)

9. Mitchell turned one today! I can't stand it. We have a very unhealthy relationship. There is a reason we call that kid Buster. I don't want him to ever grow up. I take baths with him (I know!) and love on him constantly. I still remember seeing him for the first time--the doctor held up this tiny screaming baby with tons of black hair. Then she immediately handed him through the window to the NICU (He was six weeks early.) I was so relieved to hear him crying and see all that cute hair on that tiny baby. I will never have another baby and while that makes me very happy, it also makes me feel old.

10. Sam and I have given up on all the hip shows on tv. I can't even tell you who is on American Idol or even DWTS (the original show for old people!) Our favorite right now is Swamp People on the History channel. I wish I could say it was the least bit educational or had any redeeming value at all but it doesn't. It is just a bunch of rednecks who live in the bayou and hunt gators. Check it out!

Add to all this that I am tooling around in a minivan with four kids. AND I just got an email reminding me of my 10 year law school reunion (10 years since I graduated from law school!!) I am this close to cutting my hair into a helmet, and buying a pair of sensible shoes.


Pandy said...

It's all relative. What are you 34? PLEASE. Wait til you can't remember your kid's names and it's painful to get out of bed. Still - I wouldn't go back even one year.

I love that Sammy wants her nails and hair done. Bailey wants that AND cologne and lip gloss - she's 3!!!

Your kids are growing up. I'm sad to say it happens so quickly you're afraid to blink. But, the great news is you'll like them even more when they're adults.

melissa walker said...

I hit middle age this year--35. I'm realizing it's all downhill from here. Dreams of being hot are now officially dead--I will never have a flat stomach or have cute guys check me out. Especially with my four kids in tow. It's slightly depressing to me. I'm not saying I had that to begin with--it was at least a hope though.

Laura said...

You're funny!! With your contacts it just takes practice. If you feel you still can't see call the doctor's office back, we have patients that will come back after a year complaining that they could never see right out of their contacts or glasses. I always want to say we can't fix it if you don't tell us :) We need to do dinner again sometime!

Jill T said...

I feel old too. I don't appreciate my back being sore when I wake up in the morning...

Jack's Mama said...

I.N.C. makes great clothes! The clothes don't fall apart like the stuff at fovever 21-not that I have shopped there literally since I was 21.

I stay young by still "babysitting" twice a week aka I pick up the two girls i used to babysit from their privates schools and drop them off at home because they are now old enough to stay home alone. I often get drowsy driving home in the rush hour traffic-but i can't give up the easy cash!

An astigmatism doesn't make you old but a cataract does.

I bath with my one year old often too. Usually by the time he needs a bath so do I. So if i don't bath with him then i'll be bathing anyways in 30 mins after he goes to bed. So why not kill two birds with one stone?

Thanks for your funny post!

sarahw said...

Wasn't the royal wedding magical?

I think buster is the cutest thing ever, I can't believe he is one.

That really sucks that you had to get contacts. They are horrible. You will get used to them soon.

For being "old", I think you look amazing. You are looking so skinny. Cute Easter pics also.

Denise said...

A. I was told I had an astigmatism when I was 18. They gave me glasses, that I never wear, because I see just fine without them and worse with them. It doesn't make you old.

B. I swear I saw Jimmy watching that swamp show and he is turning 40 this, yeah, I'd say you are old.

C. Were you in Jimmy's law school class? If so, can you forward the email to me? I'm going to try and make him go...

Anonymous said...

I don't understand your preoccupation with people who live differently than you do, specifically people you call "Red Necks". Who cares if they don't dress the way you do, make their living the way you do, decorate their homes the way you do. Are you so preoccupied that you go out of your way to sneakily snap pictures of them at any event or activity you are at? If you had to switch places with them at birth, how would you be doing now? Your energy may be better spend reaching out rather than mocking them.

If you don’t walk as most people do,
Some people walk away from you,
But I won’t! I won’t!
If you don’t talk as most people do,
Some people talk and laugh at you,
But I won’t! I won’t!
I’ll walk with you. I’ll talk with you.
That’s how I’ll show my love for you.
Jesus walked away from none.
He gave his love to ev’ryone.
So I will! I will!
Jesus blessed all he could see,
Then turned and said, “Come, follow me.”
And I will! I will!
I will! I will!
I’ll walk with you. I’ll talk with you.
That’s how I’ll show my love for you.

Linda said...

I don't want to hear the NEXT generation complaining about being old. What does that make me?? FYI - you've never looked hotter! J-lo was just named "most beautiful woman in the world" (People magazine) and she is what, 39??
Anonymous is hilarious.

GWACK said...

I'm a lurker but can totally relate to this post. I turned 35 a few months ago and in the last week had a "younger mom" in my ward tell me we're a middle family ( as in not young but not ancient) and while walking with a friend a 20 year old looking boy asked to use one of our cell phones after locking his keys in the car. He told the person on the phone that he couldn't answer all of their questions because the "ladies" he'd borrowed the cell phone from were waiting. I'm no longer a girl but a lady. Very weird.

BTW... Interesting comment, Anon. How could a show like Swamp People not be funny?

Anonymous said...

sorry, your right, these are funny to:

Ashley said...

Why can't Anonymous use her or his real name? Seriously, I don't mind commenters that criticize but it drives me nuts when they won't have the courage to stand behind their comments. I won't have virtual conversations with people hiding behind anonymity. In fact, I don't allow anonymous comments on my blog. It's a pet peeve, obviously.

Anyhoo, we are getting old. Luke is so dang handsome in that blazer, and I love that he is still being a terd hiding in the rounders! I watched swamp people for about 5 minutes once and it bored me to tears--it is no Deadliest Catch! Mom and I were in the INC section yesterday and it just confirmed to me what we already know about our body types-nothing in there flatters me! And your next stop is not Coldwater Creek--you have a brief stopover at Talbots first.

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday Buster!!!
Wow that year went really fast for me ;-)
Okay I am older than you but I have always been OLD. I got glasses at 32, I hate loud music in clothing shops, I get tetchy if I miss the news and I want to got to bed at 8pm every night!
I am staring down the barrel of 40 and annoyed that peeps expect some kind of party... who has the energy for that?
Lastly wasn't the wedding gorgeous? I cant wait to do a post all about it for my 3 readers.
Lastly lastly Anon commenters should just bugger off really.

alexandra said...

So hilarious! I have been having very similar feelings lately, but I realized that it is only going to get worse. While a ten yr reunion sounds like such a big one, in a few years it will seem like nothing. I am falling apart because my oldest is starting Kindergarten next year and I just know how fast his whole childhood will blow by me.

Sam's knees are bad because of all those marathons. He is running himself into the ground! Sammie looks so adorable in those curlers. Tending to her beauty needs might be time-consuming, but I would love to have a girl! I love that Ryan won't wear regular shoes. WIl went through that with rain boots, too, but I figure they are easier to put on anyway.

I am just trying to hold on to 33 for as long as I can.

Liz said...

I still picture myself as a teenager, though I'm painfully aware I don't look like one anymore.

Cute, cute Luke. Too bad he and Emi are related.....

Ignore anonymous.....your blog, your opinion.

Christie said...

We are seriously twins separated at birth. Except my new favorite tv is "My Strange Addiction." It's about people who eat couch cushions and toilet paper compulsively. Makes me feel very good about any problems I might have. Check it out.

brooke said...

Dear Anon,

Whenever I get comments like the two that you left, I try not to let it bother me. But to be honest, it does. I feel like I do my best to blog in a way that is true to myself, while trying to not offend the masses and still put out a product that is entertaining and that people will actually want to read (rather than a day by day of what my kids do, etc--not that there is anything wrong with that type of blog either.)

I do make fun of people on my blog but I am making fun of people who use poor judgement in their clothing choices, not for the fact that they are poor or cannot afford to wear nice clothes.

Those people at the Toby Keith concert paid over a hundred dollars a ticket to get in. I don't think their clothing choices were a function of their empty pocketbooks.

If I leave my house in a leather bra and cut-off shorts, I deserve to have someone take a photo of me and put it on the web. It is not a matter of wealth and poverty--it is a matter of good sense.

Also, clearly you have been reading my blog for a long time. You have probably enjoyed it along the way, entered my swimsuit giveaway, etc. I find it interesting that you were just laying in wait for me to post one thing about rednecks and then jumped all over me with all the other links.

I also find it peculiar that the post you chose to pounce on was a post about getting old and mostly about my kids with a reference to a tv show called Swamp People. I'm sure the "rednecks" on that show are getting paid handsomely to be as redneck as possible for our entertainment.

Finally, and most importantly, I have NO tolerance for someone who doesn't have the cajones to own what they put out there on the internet. Do I always agree with what I read on other people's blogs? No sir. Have I ever left an anonymous comment. Absolutely not. I stand behind what I say. If I wouldn't say it to you in real life, then I don't say it in a comment.

I no longer allow anonymous comments on my blog so if you would like to engage in this conversation further, you can either leave a comment with your name or you can email me at brookeharkness at

Alison said...

Amen sista! Afterall, it is YOUR blog. If they don't like what you say, they should skip it and not read it. I for one, have totally enjoyed you saying what is on your mind because I am usually thinking it myself. Your blog is refreshing and fun. Keep up the good work!

Christen said...

Ok, I finally have to comment! I found your blog awhile ago after finding your sister's (not sure how, isn't that how it always is?) and both of you crack me up. I love what you write! You are funny and witty and I look forward to your posts. Sorry about Anon. Anons are always little weasels. ;)

The Mostess said...

I am so with you, girl!

I do water aerobics for my bad leg.

I teared up when they showed photos of Diana. I loved Kate's dress. I did. however, refrain from touting the "modesty" of the dress all over Facebook, so I'm not that old. Modest is (not) hottest!!

I am also blind as a bat. I had the same experience as you did with the contacts, but I was in 9th grade. I was late for class for a solid month before I got the hang of it. You will get used to it. Stick with it.

I love that Sammie is crushing on the boy actors. A girl after my own heart!

Happy birthday to Buster--that kid is cute. Next time I visit Utah, I'm going to interrupt your creepy co-bathing so I can take all of you to lunch and meet this motley crew in real life! I'll drive--I can't do minivans. Not there yet.

And anonymous--I have known poor people who were classy and lovely people. I have also known wealthy people who were trashy and classless--Pam Anderson comes to mind. Not that I know her, of course. It's not about money or means or being different. I lived in Kentucky, and let me just say--rednecks are loud and proud. They love being trashy! And if you blow smoke in someone's face whilst picking out a crotch deserve to be mocked on a blog.

Brooke--I think you should allow anonymous comments again. They have given us great laughs over the years, especially with the home birth post. Reconsider!!

Em said...

I love that you fell asleep at a red light. I'm a little scared for you and your chillens, but I love it. :)

What the heck is I.N.C.?

Anon's "poem" really was a doozy! I can't believe they took the time to type it out. You handled that little situation with class.

Em said...

I forgot to say that I CAN'T BELIEVE little Buster is a year old!!! Happy Birthday, Buster!

Linda said...

I have to comment again. That 2nd to the last paragraph of the Mostess comment has to be the best of all time. . .everyone must reread that! I would like to clean up the anon's grammer, spelling etc. It's YOU'RE not YOUR, etc. But enough about anon. Get a life!
I want to add to the original post - THIS IS OLD - I'm hitting my 40th high school reunion this summer!! And I had a younger mom in the ward invite me to her boutique by saying, "we decided to also invite the GRANDMAS of the the ward. . ." yikes.

Mandee said...

oh my gosh, where have I been? Missing out on anonymous comments and all sorts of fun!

I've been having many of these "getting old" conversations lately. I'm realizing that it's going to cost good money and require GREAT effort to maintain any cuteness I have left after hitting my mid thirties- so depressing.

And I'm with Ashley- Talbots comes before Coldwater Creek. And I'm there. Also eying "Born" comfort flats- the cute ones. I actually put some on hold at Nordstrom the other day to "think about". But I couldn't go through with it.

Aaron and I saw the previews for the Swamp People and totally wanted to watch it! I need to set my DVR!

And lastly- I love your kids. Prepare yourself for emotional meltdown when Luke gets baptized. I had to take a Xanax to get through Max's day.

Linde said...

So funny! You're not even that old....but I can relate...somedays you feel that old!!!

I love Ryan's green rain boots. I always think it is so funny/cute when he wears them over.

Ah life...days are sometimes long, but years go by really fast!

Linde said...

OK...just read all of the comments. Loved what you said to anon!

Stephanie said...

My jaw is still hanging open from all the Anon stuff. Wow,that is entertaining--maybe you SHOULD allow anonymous posts! ;) First of all,who would even bother quoting a whole song to make a point? The first few words of the first verse is enough for this audience. I was surprised that someone who was trying to be an example of brotherly kindness would take such a rude approach. It kind of had the opposite effect. If you knew Brooke at all, you would know that you could have raised such concerns with her privately instead of slamming her publicly on her own blog. I'm really suprised by anons post. Stalking someone on a blog while saving up ammo only to post anonymously is pretty cowardly and sad. I embarrass myself all the time, and my mouth is sore from having my foot in my mouth so often, but I do own what I say. Attaching your name to a post is a good safety device. If you don't feel comfortable attaching your name to your own post then it's probably something that shouldn't be said.

Matthew 18:15

Jill said...

Oh Brooke, I just adore you, this is hilarious!

Sleeping at the stoplight, that's funny unless I'm behind you!

Talk about old, my iron issues have made me feel downright elderly.

My kids seem to be growing an inch every night so I feel your pain on the Nordstrom moment with Luke. Landon informed me that he'll be old enough to drive in 3 years and 3 months...what the?!

Whitney still watches Arthur, Willa's Wild Life, and Dinosaur train!

I can't believe Buster is 1!!

Good heavens, Swamp People?!