Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Lazy Mom's Guide to the Universe
With Mother's Day fast approaching, (cough cough, Sam!) I would like to give a shout-out to the lazy mom's everywhere. If you aren't a lazy mom, let me give you some pointers to make life a little easier.
To begin with, forget about the earth! Disposable diapers are the only option. Nothing is worth washing poop out of diapers multiple times a day, especially when you have a three year old who should be potty trained.
While we are at it, don't even think about making your own baby food. Gerber does a dang good job.
Next, two words--Hot Lunch! Just teach your kids early that they are taking it every day. They will learn to love it or leave it!
Make sure your kids know that if they are eating something warm, it is a "real dinner." Luke used to complain that macaroni and cheese or grilled cheese sandwiches wasn't a "real dinner." If mom heats something up in the microwave, that is cooking!
Remember when you had your first baby and people told you to sleep when the baby sleeps? That is true regardless of how many other kids you have running around. When I had Buster last year, I still took naps when he napped and my other three could fend for themselves. Please don't call DCFS.
Getting "ready" every day is for the birds. If you don't have awesome plans for the evening, don't bother to put on make-up. In fact, just stay in your uni the whole day. That way when night comes, you are already ready for bed! The husband loves this one!
Laundry is on a desperate need basis. Only do a load if one of your kids has been out of underwear for several days or is wearing the same pair of uniform pants since Monday and it is Thursday.
Finally, institute a practice I like to call the "big dog rub-off." Lie down on the sofa and have a child rub each foot. Tell them they are in a contest to see who does the best job. Give them lotion and let them go to town. Make comments like "Sammie is winning"... or "Luke, that feels great!" to keep it competitive. At the end, make sure it is a tie and they have to compete again!
Now go put your feet up. That kitchen will get cleaned soon enough!