Friday, April 17, 2009

Still Got It

I've always had a way with foreign men. I'm not bragging, believe me. I think it was my red hair, but whatever the reason, men from all over the world (except the USA) seemed to fall in love with me.

When I was a freshman at BYU, there was a student from Korea in my ward named Johnnie. I taught him some important English phrases like "What's up monkey butt?" and he started sending me love packages containing all sorts of dolphin merchandise (not the team, the animal.) He followed me my entire freshman year, took me to one very awkward Chicago concert and called me regularly from his mission until I finally told him I was engaged.

Johnnie is directly below me in the photo

There was Miku from Hungary my sophmore year at BYU and so on and so on.

Miku is in the black vest

Then I went to Jerusalem on study abroad and I got attention there as well. Of course, none of the boys in the program had any interest in me but the Arabs liked me.

What in the nasty am I doing with this guy?

One man in Jordan gave me his picture on the street with his info written on a slip of paper. He asked me if I wanted a Jordanian fiancee. I have no idea why I still have this stuff.

The funny thing about foreign men is that because of the language barrier, they don't have the luxury of playing it cool. They have no time for the nuances of the English language. They just lay it on thick because they have only a few words they can use--"beautiful," "sexy," etc. It is quite embarrassing.

So why do I bring all this up? Yesterday I was trolling through the mall with two kids in tow. I never, ever stop for the people soliciting products from kiosks (green tea, curling irons, etc). But yesterday for some unexplicable reason, I did. This young Israeli was peddling lotion from the Dead Sea. I stuck my hand out for a sample and he pulled me over. As we discussed the lotion, he told me how pretty I was, how nice my hands were. I told him I studied in Jerusalem 12 years ago and he said if we would have met then, he would have married me. Forget the fact that he was probably 10 years old when I was there.

The scary thing is, I knew the guy was blowing smoke, I knew he told all the women that, but for a split second, I considered buying his lotion gift set for $49.95. I guess I'm that easy. Don't worry Sam, I regained my composure quickly and put my wallet away. I haven't been hit on by a foreign man in over 10 years but the important thing is I still got it!


The Mostess said...

Ewww!! While you're on the topic--what in the nasty is that Arab dude's hand doing?? Creeping a little south if you ask me.

Dead Sea lotion. Hmm. What if it rules? You'll never know.

sheryl said...

I have to laugh my self to sleep tonight! Thanks for making my day!

Linda said...

These are true stories. Don't forget all the Canadians, Brooke! That's why we were so happy when Sam showed up and showed proof of American citizenship. That's all he had to do - we were like, "he's the ONE!"

Amy M. said...

SO funny.

Liz said...'s so good you found Sam. Too funny!

Ashley said...

Totally laughing about Johnny and the dolphins. You should come work out at my gym. I have someone I want to introduce you to.

Jill said...

Funny post.

I love how you're wearing your earphones in the picture.

12 years since Jerusalem? Yikes!

And no boys, interested in you? Cough, cough, Ahem...;)

Christie said...

Bwwahhhh! Okay, totally laughing at your Jordanian fiancee. That picture cracks me up.

And at least the men you attract are mentally sound. I am a magnet for the mentally challenged.

Linde said...

It's probably best you didn't serve a mission in a foriegn country. They would have been all over you. ;)

Amy said...

That guy in Israel is the creepiest!

At least you still got it. Even if it is with the foreigners!

Alexandra said...

My sister has experienced this phenomenon as well. Now she says that if she does ever get married, it will have something to do with polygamy.

gwen said... just took me way back! I had totally forgotten about Miku and Johnny. But, I do have to say, it wasn't just the foreign ones that were into you. There were plenty of Americans looking for a piece of you!

Sam said...

I think all these guys and the Americans (referenced by Gwen) were impressed by the huge poster of Randy Johnson hanging in your Liberty Square apartment. The top of the poster read in bold letters, "The Big Unit." Very classy.

I never witnessed Brooke's Euro-tractor beam, but her parents were very accepting of me and routinely mentioned my American citizenship.

Carolyn said...

You crack me up!

Kimmie said...

Johnny-O! What great memories we have! I actually think of him from time to time as I drive around my little town.....Noelle and I stopped at 4 churches in Highland before we found the right one for Johnny's farewell! (Back then I had no idea there were so many church buildings in this Mormonville town.)


That's so awesome. That's a really well-written post! Thanks for the laugh! (And I am glad to know I'm not the only one who always had better luck abroad than here at home ;)).

Jill said...

This is so funny, especially since you have the photos and everything. I never had the allure, though I was kind of pursued by a Korean guy while at BYU and took a very long motorcycle ride with him (ick).

My sister Lori seems to attract ONLY foreign guys which is funny because she has always worked with them at her various jobs. One guy, who barely spoke English, used to leave messages on her cell phone all the time. We still joke about it and say "Happy Merry Christmas Lori!" (Only it's funnier with the accent.)

Em said...

Hi! I'm de-lurking. I'm a stranger...but a safe one. :)

I read your sister's blog and occasionally check yours out, too. You are equally funny and entertaining which, let's face it, are my only requirements for reading any blog. I laughed out loud reading this post.

I'm married now, but in my single years at BYU I always attracted the American RM's who came back with Latin Fever. It is an odd sensation to attract a certain group of men whose reason, in my case, was merely my skin color and the hope that I spoke Spanish.

This might be TMI, but on our honeymoon, we befriended some Israelis and they gifted me with some of their Dead Sea potions. They're nice, but even better when they're free. Only time will tell, but I think you made a good choice in walking away...