Swimsuit season is upon us. Well, not just yet, but it is the time of year when we all must venture into cramped dressing rooms with a double stroller, bad flourescent lighting and about 50 suits just to ruin our day. Add to that, that I am super-pasty, with a few more veins and stretchmarks this year and I'm ready to wear sweats to the pool.
Since I'm going to Hawaii next month to celebrate our 10 year anniversary, I need to find a cute suit. Let's get one thing straight--it ain't to impress Sam. A few nights ago I strutted out in a new swimsuit to get Sam's opinion. His response? "Can you move, your blocking the tv." I need to look good for the other women watching me as I parade across the pool deck to get another diet coke.
So, I've made a list of rules for swimsuits. Some may apply to you. All apply to me.
1. The top must be suppportive. I cannot emphasize this enough. Since gestating and nursing three babies, my bra size now ends in "long."
2. Avoid the one-piece swimsuit like the plague unless it is this one.
3. You must have a great body to wear a bikini.
4. You must have a perfect body to wear a string bikini. I will be wearing neither.
5. Tankinis (the mom-jeans of the swimsuit world according to the Meanest Mom) are going to be the most flattering fit 99% of the time.
6. Never under any circumstances should you don stiletto sandals with your swimsuit for the pool. Yes, I know super models wear these on shoots. Still. Don't do it. (Believe me--I see this happening at the local pool!)
7. Make sure you use lots of fake tan cream to cover the veins and stretchmarks.
8. Buy a cute swim skirt or board shorts to go with every swimming suit. You don't have to wear them all the time--but when you need them, they are there.
9. Skip the junior's department. It will only add to your depression.
10. Go to my friend Mandee's blog for an awesome swimsuit giveaway. The company is called Lime Ricki and their stuff is adorable. I didn't want to send you because it hurts my chances of winning but what kind friend would I be if I didn't tell you?
Good luck--see you at the pool this summer!