Monday, January 4, 2010

On the Wings of Love

I have such a love-hate relationship with this show. It is a train wreck and I can't look away. The parlor tricks, the cheesiness, the freaking nod to Top Gun with Jake riding next to the beach on a motorcycle with the aviator shades, it is almost too much. Almost, but apparently not quite because I watched the full two hours.

Do the producers tell these women to bring something when they get out of the limo? This is the part of the show that I literally cringe and hide my face in a pillow. The double-sided coin, the peacock feather, the girl acting like a plane, etc. It kills me. I wish each of these girls could read "A Little Advice for the Ladies" that I wrote before they come on the show.

Jake has a great body, no doubt about it. But he is just so wholesome. Does that make me evil? I can't get past his good boy image. Even when he showers, I feel nothing. It is like watching the seminary president pretend to be sexy.

Let's talk turkey. The most annoying girls--First: Michelle. What the? She got a rose? Does anyone else think it is a little disturbing how she is the female equivalent of Jake and he is turned off by her? That girl is unstable. He just feels bad for her:

Second: Vienna Sausage aka. Paris Hilton jr. aka Dumbo. I have all kinds of nicknames for her. Poor thing:

Third: Christina. She does the freakin airplane with Jake during the party--you know--for those who didn't see it--like I do with my toddler when I lay on the floor and he flies in the air on my legs. Yeah--it was really romantic. She also brought parting gifts for all the girls. That went over well. Even Jake looked unimpressed with that move:

Fourth: Ashley--the girl in the pilot uniform. I hate that stuff. Jake seemed to love it and I think I would have liked her otherwise but c'mon:

Fifth: Channy. I actually loved her. She provided the funniest moment of the show when she translated her romantic Cambodian message to Jake--"I would love to have you land your plane on my landing strip." I am still giggling as I type this. There is a chance that with the language barrier she just thought she was using the flying analogy for love and not in the literal bikini wax sort of way. But maybe I'm giving her too much credit:

Finally: Roslyn--the model. (There were like five models on the show this time including a spokesmodel and a fit model.) 10 bucks says Roslyn is the one who ends up sleeping with a member of the film crew:

There you have it--as much as I love the bag on the show--I love the drama. Monday nights are fun again! I'm rooting for Ali. She reminds me of someone I would be friends with in real life:

I also liked Tenley even though she is a divorcee and was forward enough to kiss Jake, I think she's sweet and there for the right reasons!:

Who are your early favorites? Did you like that Jill and Ed came back? I didn't mind it. How do we feel about Jake this time around? Discuss.


The Mostess said...

OH MY GOSH! I knew you would be Batchin' in tonight. I thought about you and Ashley all day.

My family kind of tricked me into liking this show--not Warner-style, but a little dabble. I have it on the DVR.

My sister Eriika DID call to let me know what the skanky Cambodian said. EW. Keep it class, ladies.

I am looking forward to a season of "co-pilot" jokes, ladies being there for "the right reasons," and "not here to make friends."

Bring it!!

Shelly B. said...

I thought Elizabeth was far I am rooting for her and she didn't even make your run-down tonight. Maybe that's a good thing? ;) I LOVE your weekly commentary...keep it coming! And Jake? GAG. But like you said...I can't not watch!

The Mostess said...

UGH. He is soooooo boring. Snooze.

And man up a bit--stop the crying. He can't even get pissed and look manly when he "blows up" in that interview.

Agreed on crazy chick. I think the producers are making her stay for fun.

brooke said...

I totally forgot Emma (or Ella?) the mom with the 7 year old son who wants to be a pilot--gag.

She just had a hard edge to her. I think she's gone in another week or two when Jake feels like it is Kosher to let a mom go.

Shelly--Elizabeth was beautiful--you're right. I do think she'll go a long way. It's a good think if the ladies don't get mentioned in my run-down. It means they didn't make a total arse of themselves.

leandparkermakes3 said...

I vowed not to watch this season and yet, there I was, curled up on the couch gagging as I watched. I love how you compared Jake to a seminary teacher. I am totally with you, I feel nothing toward him AT ALL. I think Tenley is a cheeseball, but so is Jake so they might be a perfect match. (I wonder if she is LDS?) I also like Elizabeth. I think she is my favorite.

Kimmie said...

i don't even watch the show and you had me laughing my head off. just by the sheer look of the girls im rooting for the second to last one you pictured. she's adorable! you'll have to fill me in on her good and bads.

Jill said...

You're hilarious. I don't even watch this show, but it was still fun to read this post. The landing strip thing is obscene, did he wince?

Toria said...

i love that you post about this stuff! I haven't watched yet- I have to watch online as soon as I finish typing this comment. I was dying that you put into words what I couldn't quite figure out about Jake last season (a sem. tchr trying to be sexy).
Just looking at the pics Ali looks like a doll- so cute. Too good for Jake.
ok, I'll be back with comment #2 after I watch

Jen (and her men) said...

I tried to watch it, I really did. But I just couldn't. IT.IS.SO.BAD!! How do you do it? I was gagging the first two minutes into the show. Then I fast forwarded through all two hours, stopping intermittently to see if got better. It didn't. So painful. And why do models need to be set up on the bachelor? If those girls can't get a guy on their own, then there's no hope for anyone. More likely they're just there for the fame. Sick. Of course, I'll be tuning into your weekly recaps. The best thing to come from the Bachelor!

Heather said...

OH, I knew you were watching this (I'm voting for Ali), but did you watch the Conveyor Belt of Love that was on afterwards? Shows like this remind me why I'm happy to go to bed at 8.

Ashley said...

You are the new Reality Steve. Crimany. I need to watch it today.

Linde said...

You must have FHE on Sunday nights since Monday's are fun again with the Bachelor. ;)

Jason and I were talking about the girls getting out of the limo and all of them having something to say or give to Jake. I hated that part and was embarrassed for almost every single one of them. The producers must sit around and ask "what stupid things can we get the girls to do this time."

As they got out, I wondered, who in 8 weeks will we look at in the clips and say, "Ah, yes...she was the one from the start."

Ali is probably my favorite right now. But who knows--they can all go psycho at any point. :)

Also, did the camera men seem to focus on Jake's abs forever in the shower and on any woman with a slit cut up to there????

Carolyn said...

Oh Brooke! You crack me up! I don't even need to watch the show - your post is better than anything they could air. Keep it up... and maybe I will tune in for the finale! Or the show when all the girls dog on each other... that is pretty funny.

Ashley said...

Just watched it--SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD! I can't wait to find out who has the affair. Also, I think the girl you called Melissa is really named Michelle.

What a great show.

Josette said...

yes! bache is back. it's so bad and that is why it's so good! michelle (or melissa as you call her) is CA-RAZY. i like ali too...who wouldn't, she's the only normal one so far. good stuff.

Corinne said...

i am watching this season but i have to admit i am a little disappointed it is jake! i was hoping for reid or kiptyn.


Bahahahahah!!! I don't watch the show, but will look forward to your updates, which are more fun anyway. :) Landing strip...bahahahahah!

alexandra said...

This was such a hilarious post. You felt nothing when he was in the shower . . . the seminary president . . . I laughed out loud. I am laughing as I type about it. So many funny little bits sprinkled in this! Anyway, I think you give the Cambodian too much credit: that was gross and I think she meant it in the gross way bc she thought it was sexy. I think it is funny that you like the last girl even though she is a divorcee! I wish I watched it. I just always forget when it comes on. I should just set the DVR.

Kelly said...

Yep--Roslyn will sleep with a producer and Ali, Tenley and Elizabeth will be final three. It's good to be back! I skipped the last two seasons after I read in Us Weekly that there had been twentysomething seasons of the Bachelor/ette and I had seen nearly all of them.

Vermont Madsens said...

Why do I waste my time on such nonsense? i kept trying to tell myself I should be updating my blog or something more useful, but kept watching. It's hideous. I like Elizabeth hands down, she's cute, can throw a football, (unlike Jake-seriously, atrocious!), has values and seems fun. My money's on the model to cause the scandal too. Jake is hard to watch. They should have brought back Reid or Wes for some interest. What is the status with Jill and Ed?

Jenn J. said...

Ok, so I agree and disagree.

The fact that it is Jake on this show is kind of refreshing to me because I'm tired of seeing overly confident, bar hopping guys on this show who are only in it for the skanky women. Jake is a bit of fresh air to me, albeit, not sexy. I wish they would drop the try-to-make-him-sexy bit. Let's call a spade a spade... he's the nice guy. Period.

I totally agree with you on all the girls (except I'd add Elizabeth to the pro column) except for Channy. I cringed at every moment she was on the screen. I thought she was obnoxious and the landing strip comment was just the cherry on top of her craziness. I think they cast both her and Michelle knowing they'd bring the drama and the crazy. They were right, and here we are watching. :)

And speaking of Michelle, I stand by the fact that the producers actually do have some say in which girls stay (some, not all) and I think they also have some say in the order he gives out roses. Come on... leaving the crazy girl until last? It's all too perfect.

(On a side note, did you see Jillian look at a cameraman or some other off camera person while Michelle was talking to her? It was like she gave them the, "Ok, this is the crazy person you all picked for this season isn't it?" look. It was classic.)

Ok, I'm done. Sorry for the novel.

jacey said...

Did anyone else find it funny that the girls kept saying, "come find me inside." Like he's not going to find them-they're all just there sitting on the couches in little herds, staring at and waiting for him.

I felt bad for the girls not picked. They simply weren't as cute as the others, but a couple of them had good personalities.

Jake is such a nice guy. I think it will be hard for him to break hearts and I hope that doesn't mean he'll hold on to the wrong ones for him.

Did you see his future crying Mesnick scene over the railing? Not again...

Linda said...

I have two TV shows I watch shamefully and religiously. 1) the Bachelor/Bachelorette 2)Dancing w/ the Stars.
I still adore Jake.
The Cambodian is a total sleeze - and not attractive. Didn't she get the boot?
I don't even pay attention to the names until it gets down to about 10.
I loved your commentary. Right on (except about Jake)

Mandee said...

Aaron was begging me to turn it off, after he said "so, he has like 6 more sets of boobs to meet?"

I loved it. Even though I think Jake is a cheese ball. Like another blogger said- it's not about the player, it's about the game.

Amy M. said...

OH how I've missed your Bachelor posts.
I agreed with everything you said, although I don't mind Jake as much as you do.
OUT with all the girls you mentioned. I also like Ali, Tenley, as well as Elizabeth.
So, the scandal is with a member of the film crew? Phew, I was afraid it was girl-on-girl.
Also, I was dying at the landing strip comment. Tacky. It was fun to watch wholesome Jake's reaction to that.

marta said...

loved this wrap-up. okay, i felt for christina.. she seems to normal to be on this show. doesn't she know you have to love your body, want to show it off and have abounding self confidence. and what was with vienna's confession!? talk about crazy. why is she still on??

and i agree with the whole jake thing.. not doing much for me. i like that he seems pretty un-rehearsed however. can't wait for next week. this is totally the type of show you need someone to rehash with.