Friday, June 25, 2010

I Am, I Said (Name the Artist!)

I am a lot of things I'm not proud of....

I am a tv watcher. I love my shows. Luke begged me to read the scriptures with him Wednesday night during SYTYCD and I told him no.


I am a regular at McDonald's. Two weeks after I had Buster, I was pulling through the McD's drive-thru and the worker said "You had your baby" in broken English and insisted I roll down the window so she could see him. Apparently, I drank a lot of diet coke from McDonald's while pregnant.


I am a distracted driver--I eat, talk on the phone, and yell at kids while I drive. (Though I would never text--I do have some standards!) I came THIS close to running over a hobo the other day while I was driving downtown. I swear homeless people have no regard for their own lives and almost want to be hit. Scared the crap out of me.

I am a gossip and I am trying to stop. I've had two experiences this month where I said a bad thing about someone and then within 24 hours, that person did something really nice for me. I felt horrible both times.

I am addicted to dairy. I've been off dairy for 1 week--Dr's orders because she thinks Buster might be allergic to it. This alone just might kill me. I've always been the type who only wanted what she couldn't have. Now ALL I want are milkshakes, ice-cream, cheese, instant breakfast and cottage cheese. I may have to stop nursing.


I am lazy. Luke had his birthday party this week. We took 10 kids to see Toy Story 3. We had cupcakes afterwards in the food court. BEST PARTY EVER. I don't think I can ever do a home party again. I am also an emotional mess. I cried twice during the movie during really cute parts.



I am resourceful. Today I put about 20 ratty old boxes on my curb and listed them as free on Craigslist. They were gone in an hour. Saved me from cutting them up and putting them in the dumpster.

I am a moocher. My family makes a lot of garbage. Every Wednesday night under the cover of darkness, Sam sneaks around to all the neighbor's cans depositing our extra trash. We really need a second can.

I am shameless. Remember how I was so offended my people eating lunch at Costco from the sample tables? I did that very thing today with my four children. I have no pride. When we got home and my son asked for lunch, I replied "you had it at Costco."

I am sorry. Do you think I can repent for an entire month of bad behaviour in one fell swoop? I hope so...June has not been pretty for me.

18 comments:

Liz said...

ummmmm...Neil Diamond (though I really can't stand the guy). I totally have to stop the gossip thing as well. We just got a second can as we did the same thing. I haven't seen the Toy Story 3 yet, but have heard others who cried in it. I'd die without dairy....yuck for you. And I could quote Mia Michaels better than I could quote any scripture.

Ahhh I feel better.........

Melissa Walker said...

Brooke--this is why you're so awesome! The rest of us do this and pretend we don't. I'm coming to town next week for a whole month--we should get together so I can see your little guy!

Laura B. said...

You are...normal. I bet every one of us does at least 3 of the things on here! Besides, you just had a baby. Remember that gives you a year pass to not be your normal self!

Jen (and her men) said...

I'm so sorry!! I was dairy free for almost a year when nursing mason and it about killed me!! Let me know if you need tips :)

Denise said...

I just started dairy again (and soy, and corn). Read this: http://denisesdiscourse.blogspot.com/2009/06/cry-me-river.html

If it sounds familiar I would love to give you some tips. I did it for 9 months. If you get to choose between nursing and formula, keep in mind that the formula is AT LEAST $35 a can and that is if he does well on the least expensive stuff. The next level up is by prescription and is $50/can. Also, I ate as much as I wanted to when I was on the diet and never gained an ounce. That was nice and you get used to the diet. (Of course, now that I've stopped I've gained 10 lbs in a month!) Let me know if you need help.

Brittney Engel said...

Don't worry Brooke! I do a lot of these things too except I am only a mother of 1 child. You have 4.

And Toy Story 3 is a tear-jerker. I agree with you there!

Amy M. said...

I love you Brooke. I love your honesty and think you are hilarious.
If it makes you feel any better, I do most of the things on your list and then some.

Em said...

I'm now going to have ol' Neil in my head all day...but I love him so we're good.

This list rocks. I'm actually kind of jealous that the McD's workers know you so well. Maybe you can just start saying "The usual." and save some extra time in the drive-thru. Definitely give them a baby announcement! Fine establishment, they are.

Raquel said...

You are real and that is why I LOVE to read your blog.
I drink so much diet coke that I got invited to the drive thru girl's baby shower. I wasn't ashamed

Linde said...

You have a lot going on! Sam was gone for a few nights--that would put me over the edge...I need the break that Jason provides when he arrives home. :)

You also have a baby and lack sleep--it is a rough combination--no matter how cute he is!! :)

Hang in there.

Jill said...

Hilarious, this is why I adore you!

I can't believe you braved a movie with 10 kids! You're a wonder. I balled at the end of that movie and then had a hard time recovering. I just can't deal with Andy being old enough to go to college.

I have the same issues with dairy and though I'm not nursing, I have found that when I have a lot of it I get an annoying cough (is there any other kind of cough really?). But whenever I consider cutting it all out I am totally panicked because I don't know what I can eat.

Natalie said...

1. Neil Diamond
2. dying at the no dairy! i couldn't do it...
3. if anyone interrupts me during SYTYCD they are dead to me.
4. i love you! and you're not the only one who does these things Ü

Elizabeth said...

Neil Baby!
You Are... real, honest, irreverent, hysterically funny, observant and very much aware of the human condition.
You Need... to take it easy on yuorself and see that most of these points are just how we mums get thru the days.
Love ya work...
Ex

nic said...

So wondering what happened to Mary Murphy on SYTYCD? My 3 kids were all dairy allergy. I hated it. I stopped nursing with Payton at 3 months because I couldn't handle it anymore. I have to admit I cried in Toy Story 3.

Kimmie said...

i couldn't do it...i stopeed nursing brooklyn when ithought she had a mile allegy, there was no way i'd change my diet! pathetic yes, but i am not a cow like most women and have to supplement anyway and figured it wasn't so bad, right?

Ashley said...

You are not lazy but a hero for pulling off a great bday party with a newborn. Toy Story made me cry too. Both for Andy growing up and because I felt so attached to those toys--how pathetic is that! You wouldn't do well in Cali refuse-wise. I've seen your can and it's HUGE! Ours is downright petite and you have to pay for tags to get rid of extra bags.

laughter said...

1975 Ford Mustang headed up the slopes with NEIL! ohhh yes, THOSE were the good times! :)
I have clients who work at McDonalds... I don't. I will introduce you if you want to save a few bucks. I could even send you a photo of the cockroaches running into the fridge when I opened the door... yummmy! With my fourth (and fifth) I only left the house when my good friend came and helped get me out the door. Her kids looked like they slept in their clothes and just ate without washing (oh they did).. but I had to have my kids clean and hair combed before I would leave so she came, left her kids in the car and helped me get mine ready. It was an over whelming time...I am so one of my clients... I just never got caught! Birthday... heck, ask Scott how many b-days we plain forgot! I figured a birthday party 2 or 3 times in thier life was good enough. (to many kids with summer birthdays and to many overlaping friends.) I would give you two gold stars for even thinking about a birthday party! Best of all... You ARE funny! How can we not love your blog?

alexandra said...

I have feed myself and my kids lunch from the samples trays at costco. No one knows!

Porter is allergic to dairy, too. Dairy was my main food group. I still sneak in some semi-sweet choc chips from time to time, but this no dairy thing is terrible.

Your entire list made me laugh really hard.