Sunday in Spring

I had a really great weekend. It was our stake conference and I made it a point to get to the adult session Saturday night and I took my kids to the regular session Sunday morning. The Sunday morning was a total bust because Mitchell was out of control and we left early. I forgave him because it was his birthday and really, who doesn't want to sneak out early anyway? The adult session was so good though. I have been feeling a little spirtually disconnected lately so I made myself go to it and it turned out being so worth it.

When we arrived at Stake Conference this morning, I had to parallel park on the street. I am terrible at parallel parking. I have no faith in the way they taught us in driver's ed so I usually reverse and pull up about 10 times to get in.  My kids were laughing at me. When we came back to the car to leave, Luke said, "Mom, I'm just walking home because it's going to take you like 15 minutes to get out of that spot!" It made me laugh out loud. Sometimes that kid cracks me up.

This afternoon, I took my kids down to Temple Square to see the tulips. I had to parallel park again..twice in one day..what are the odds? My kids thought it was hysterical. The tulips were out of this world. If I ever get married again, I am doing it in the spring! I am done with winter weddings! It was so nice outside and fun to walk around with my kids and enjoy the flowers.  Mitchell was napping at my Mom's house.  Here are some of my favorite shots:

It is also Buster's birthday today. My baby is two!!! Yes, I made that cake...continuing the tradition of the world's ugliest cakes. Don't forget this one.

I wish my Grandpa Warner was here to see it. He loved my ugly cakes! I think I really took it to the next level with this one. The cake kept flaking off as I tried to frost it. At some point, I had to stop frosting or the whole cake would have come off on my spatula. And yes, I shamelessly brought it to a family party. I have no dignity!

This little guy didn't care. 
 

Happy Birthday darling Buster!

If You Just Can't Get Enough of Me Here

Go to Ashley's blog to see what she and I did last weekend   I have had so many follow-up thoughts to my imperfection post.  I may need to do another post.  Really, I could talk all day about divorce..what a fun topic!  Thank you for the kind comments, emails, facebook messages and calls.  I think the comments I got on this last post were my best ever..so heartfelt and meaningful.  I love blogging about "the silly" and I will continue to do that because it keeps me sane.  But I think I love blogging about real life/trials/happiness more. Believe it or not, those posts are the easiest for me to write because I write from my heart.  The words just pour out and I think those posts are powerful because they carry the weight of truth and authenticity...or maybe you all are just nosy about my divorce...either way, my divorce posts seem to be popular.

I guess I want to say that I know I've got it pretty good.  Even my divorce is good.  My "ex" (I hate that word) is a great guy.  He shows up, he pays, he takes my kids on vacations and helps with homework and coaches soccer.  He drives me to the airport and puts new tires on my car when I'm out of town.  He fixes things at my house while I'm gone.  I am lucky.  It sounds silly but I thank Heavenly Father every night for a good divorce and for Sam.

That said, Divorce is still hard.  Worrying about making ends meet is hard.  Sleeping in a big bed alone is hard.  Dating with kids is hard.   Traveling alone is hard.  Seeing my sister with her cute husband is hard.  Wondering if I will ever get remarried is hard.  Going to the temple alone is hard.  Mowing the lawn is going to be hard.

Me, alone with my boys at Disneyland...post still coming

But there are some things that are easier.  I get nights off all to myself.  I get Saturdays off.  I get to go out to nice restaurants and have someone else pay.  I get nice compliments from men. I get to do new things that I haven't been able to do before.  I get to spend more one on one time with each kid when Sam takes the other ones. I get to manage my own money and not answer to anyone.  I get to leave the house a mess. I get to not cook.  I get more closet space and drawer space and all the covers.  I get to be the boss and I like being the boss. But sometimes I want to be the queen instead.

Now go check out my fun weekend at Ashley's where I was treated like a queen...massage, shamrock shake, shopping, fine dining (Hi Kaari!) and great conversation!

ps.  I have tried to write a dating post at least 10 times.  It makes me nervous to talk about dating on my blog.  I don't know why.  Maybe it feels too personal.  Maybe I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  But I am still working on it.  Dating has been a wild ride.  It was a little too much too soon so I have been taking a break from dating the last month and probably will  for another couple months or so.  Hopefully, I wll get something together for you soon!

My (Im)Perfect Life

Don't you think it's time for another divorce post?  me too.  I just got home from visiting Ashley for the weekend.  Every time I go on a trip since I got divorced, I get a pit in my stomach coming home.  I finally acknowledged to myself that I just don't want to return to my imperfect life.  Then I come home, my kids smother me with kisses and loves and I get busy and forget that I didn't want to come home.

I was at Costco recently and saw a girl I have known (from afar) since college.  She doesn't know me but I have seen her over the years and everything seems to go perfectly for her.  She is beautiful with four beautiful kids.  She was at Costco in darling clothes with sparkly pink Toms to match her daughters' sparkly pink Toms.  I was there sweaty from the gym with my two ragamuffin boys in the clothes they had worn the day before because they slept over at Sam's.  I thought, "Oh there is Nikki (name changed!) still living her perfect life."  I don't hate her for it but I would be lying if I said I wasn't envious of her for just a moment.

I never thought about my life before my divorce as perfect.  But now I realize it pretty much was. 

I remember saying to a friend a few weeks before my world fell apart that I had never really had any big trials in my life.  I felt like life was pretty easy.  And then the roof caved in.  The next few months after that were Hell for me but very few people knew what I was going through.  So to everyone on the outside, I was still living a perfect life.  And because of that, it was the worst time in my life.

Then the time came to get separated.  Somehow, in some way, telling people was liberating.  It was excruciating on one hand because so many people had no idea that Sam and I were having problems.  I felt the guilt of letting others down in addition to my own sadness with what was going on with our family.  In reality, I didn't care what anyone thought.  I just wanted my kids to be okay.  But there was still a part of me that felt like I had joined the island of the misfit toys.

The holidays were hard.  We were getting our papers ready to file.  The Big D (as I call it) was first and foremost in my mind and seemed to overshadow Christmas in a lot of ways.  Christmas night was especially difficult for me.  Sam had spent the morning and early afternoon with us and then left about 3:00 p.m. to go back to his house.  I think that was my most difficult night.  The holidays are for people with perfect lives.  At least it's easy to believe that.  Having Sam here for Christmas, I was able to forget for a moment that we were a "broken family".  Luckily, that night, my mom sensed my sadness on the phone (or I might have completely bawled to her, I don't remember) and she and my dad came over and brought us dinner and cheered us up.

The truth is...I am imperfect.  I always was.  Now, it is just a little more obvious.  I'm just starting to embrace it.  My house will always be a mess.  There will always be bags on the floor of clothes the kids bring back from Sam's house.  We will always be that family at church with no dad...at least for the time being.  I hope that by being imperfect, I am allowing others to be imperfect also.  The Savior, who was the only perfect person to live on this earth, spent his time healing the sick and the afflicted and lifting others from sin and despair. The more broken I am, the more humble and teachable I am and the more willing I am to let Him into my life.

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in.

(From the poem Anthem by Leonard Cohen)

Spring Fever

What I am wearing this Spring:  These t-shirts from H&M.  These shirts come in a pack of two (with a white one) for $12.95.  They look cute under almost any color of cardigan or on their own.  They were so great I picked up a second set for when these get yellow pits and gnarly.

What I am trying not to kill:  My new hanging plant from Walmart. Every year I buy one and every year I kill it. My only goal for the summer is to keep this thing alive! I have been doing a lot of yard work lately because it finally hit me that no one else is going to do it. But I am proud of myself. The yard is coming along. Anyone want to come over and teach me to use a trimmer?

What I am unsure about:  These bright blue skinny jeans from Old Navy. I wasn't sure I should be stuffing my trash in these but for $19.00, I figured I would give it a go. I wear them with a neon pink and white tank from H&M. My kids give me funny looks and I don't care!

What I am accomplishing: Getting this picture made and framed for my living room wall. I have one of each of my kids at age two in matching frames. I think Buster's turned out cute.

What I am eating:  Cinnamon Cream Cake from Corner Bakery Cafe. Are you sick of hearing me talk about CBC yet? Good, me neither. Ron gave me some of this when I went to the VIP lunch (don't be jealous) and I can't get enough of it. My mom is addicted too. I find myself driving past Corner Bakery Cafes that aren't on the way home.

What I am pining for I just splurged on: This jacket from Impact Fitness. I work out every.single.day. So I can kind of justify this.  Plus, I think I could wear it outside of the gym.

What I am obsessed with:  Cute earrings from Rodworks. This is my third pair. They are all under 10 bucks and big earrings are my new thing. I've moved away from necklaces because they feel too dressy to me. But big earrings are my new favorite spring accessory.

What I will be reading:  He's Just Not That Into You. by Greg Behrendt.  I have read this book before and loved it.  The whole point of the book is summed up in a phrase in the introduction: don't waste the pretty.  You're pretty, you're smart, you're interesting.  So don't waste the pretty on men who don't reciprocate, or who make excuses, or who don't make you happy.  I think the book is empowering to women and every dating gal should read it.  It's funny too!

What I am using:  Jergens Natural Glow for Face in medium.  I use this every day as a moisturizer/sunscreen.  It gives you just the right amount of color without looking orange or fake.  Don't buy the light or you won't see any color at all. 

What I am decorating with: Bright candy in my candy jars. I want to replace the skittles with something red like Swedish Fish. I can't buy candy that holds any appeal for me or I would pound it all day every day.

Where I am going:  California to visit Ashley. I am leaving Thrsday and I am so excited for some R&R...good food, shopping, pedicures, movies, etc.   

What are eating/wearing/obsessed with this Spring?

*I have been meaning to thank my friend Greg forever for giving my blog a face lift.  He made it so I can have HUGE pictures, which may or may not be a good thing....

How We Spent Our Easter Vacation

I have a love hate relationship with Spring break. I have all of these grand plans to take my kids to do fun things and then I panic about crowds and don't take them anywhere except the gym and the mall. (Like Ashley, it is my life's work to avoid crowds!)

But I did manage to eek out a few pretty good activities:

Sammie's birthday party..cutest invitations from Tiny Prints:

Party at Sorenson House in Draper..it is 60 bucks people! And I would describe it as a poor man's Lion House. It was an incredible party for 60 bones.

Girl's Night Out with Sammie. For her birthday, Sammie wanted to go to dinner at Kneaders and get pedicures. It was hilarious and scary to watch her reading the friend magazine while this man rubbed her dogs. I texted Sam to say "we are in trouble..she has had her first taste of the good life!"

Horseback Riding with Luke. I know..I am the bomb. I bought this on Groupon and it was really fun. We rode horses in Midway. My horse was smaller than Luke's which makes me look like a giganto woman on this little pony but I think he survived:

Luke was obsessed with the horses' bladder and bowel functions. He insisted I take this photo:

It was a fun day for the two of us.

Last but not least, my Mom and I took my kids to the zoo and then she helped me wrestle them at Subway afterwards. My mom is a good woman:

Now it's back to real life.

Our Easter in Pictures

Corner Bakery Catering Giveaway Winner!

Random.org pulled up #50 which is Mandee who said "If I win, I'm going to throw a party to celebrate and have Corner Bakery Cafe cater. How's that for an awesome plan!  Sounds awesome to me Mandee!  Congratulations.  I will get you your gift certificate.

Thanks to everyone who entered.  Thank you to Ron for letting me do these fun giveaways.  I only do giveaways for things I truly love and this was a product I could really get behind!  I am so happy to have Corner Bakery Cafe in Draper!