I'm Going to Miss This

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm so happy to know I'm done having kids. And the answer is YES! But also a little tiny no. Yes I'm thrilled to never get huge again (at least not through pregnancy, Oreos are another story), I'm thrilled to know that all of my kids are here and they are all healthy, and I'm thrilled that this will be my last sleep deprived year (I take sleep very seriously.)

I can't believe I'm going to admit this but I've also been sad. I first felt the sadness come on at the hospital immediately after I gave birth. It didn't really go away over the next week. I thought it was just the post baby hormones. But now I realize I do think I'm honestly just a little bit sad that I never get to go through the miracle of birth again. And I don't use words like "miracle" lightly. I really do think that the birth process is a total miracle. Every time I give birth, I am honestly surprised and shocked that there is an actual living human being that just came out of me.

I love yawns

I'm sad that I never get to look forward to another 20 week ultrasound to find out what I'm having, I'm sad that I never get to wonder when my water is going to break again. I'm sad that when Buster gets big, I will never get to hold a tiny, furry newborn again and snuggle him. I have always been the type of person who was uncomfortable holding other people's babies. I felt awkward. With my own, it is so natural. I will miss that.

So I'm giving away all of my maternity clothes and all of my baby stuff just so I'm not tempted to do this again. And in a year from now, if I start talking crazy about having another one, someone out there grab me by the shoulders and shake some sense into me. (I know Sam is calling to schedule a vasectomy as he reads this!)

Bad picture, bad lighting, but you can clearly see I have one too many and it's not the baby.

Am I saying I might have another one? No. Absolutely not. In fact, my doctor even told me I'm through. The reality is, with every baby I have from here on out, it will just be more time in the NICU because they just keep coming earlier. If I got pregnant again, I would spend the entire third trimester terrified of how early my water was going to break. But that is not the only reason. I know that my sanity is at stake. And I don't want more kids. I know we are through but I guess I am just saying I will miss this.

Prayer for the End of Pregnancy

This is not a prayer to end the pregnancy--I still have at least 6 weeks to go, but this is a prayer to help me survive the weeks to come.

Please let me not gain any more weight from this point on (who am I kidding?) Okay, just please don't let me weigh more than Sam.

Please bless me to find a comfortable sleep position that doesn't strain my back.

Please help me to not slit my wrists from wearing the same two outfits over and over and over and over...

Please Please Please bless that this house project will be completely done before Jr arrives.

Please forgive me for swearing at my kids all day every day.

Please forgive me for cursing my husband for putting back an empty container of cookies into the pantry. (You should never taunt a hungry pregnant woman.)

Please make it so there is no reason for me to pick up anything off the floor, or get up off the floor for any reason.

Please forgive me for sneaking home from church and napping the second two hours while the kids and husband gain spiritual guidance.

Forgive me for getting a pedicure and completely forgetting to shave my legs...when it hadn't just been a few days.

Bless me to drink more water and less diet coke.

Please, help me to find a name for this child.

Finally, bless me to develop the nesting instinct so I can find the will to dig out the baby clothes, breast pump, and crib bedding.

amen.

Maternity Mysteries

I am baffled by many things. But tonight, I'm going to focus on the things that baffle me pertaining to pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing. In no particular order:

1. Pregnancy bare belly shots (same goes for pregnant ladies in bikinis)--why not just wear a form-fitting shirt. Do we really need to see the bare skin and stretch marks:


2. Natural childbirth (by choice)--I have friends who are afraid of needles, etc. but I can not understand CHOOSING to endure that kind of pain for no good reason:


3. Doulas--what exactly is the point:


4. Home Births--I am horrified by home births. I have nothing nice to say about them and I can't even be diplomatic so I won't elaborate:

The picture pretty much says it all.

5. Homeschooling--I know really good people who homeschool. It is not for me. I am too selfish. The only thing that keeps me putting one foot in front of another and trudging through life is knowing that in roughly 6 years from now I will have all four children in school for 7 hours a day:


What baffles you?