Set the DVR

The Bachelorette starts on Monday night. I, for one, will be mixing up a pan of brownies and settling in to watch Ali in what is sure to be the trashiest season yet.

Will you join me?

I'm Going to Miss This

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm so happy to know I'm done having kids. And the answer is YES! But also a little tiny no. Yes I'm thrilled to never get huge again (at least not through pregnancy, Oreos are another story), I'm thrilled to know that all of my kids are here and they are all healthy, and I'm thrilled that this will be my last sleep deprived year (I take sleep very seriously.)

I can't believe I'm going to admit this but I've also been sad. I first felt the sadness come on at the hospital immediately after I gave birth. It didn't really go away over the next week. I thought it was just the post baby hormones. But now I realize I do think I'm honestly just a little bit sad that I never get to go through the miracle of birth again. And I don't use words like "miracle" lightly. I really do think that the birth process is a total miracle. Every time I give birth, I am honestly surprised and shocked that there is an actual living human being that just came out of me.

I love yawns

I'm sad that I never get to look forward to another 20 week ultrasound to find out what I'm having, I'm sad that I never get to wonder when my water is going to break again. I'm sad that when Buster gets big, I will never get to hold a tiny, furry newborn again and snuggle him. I have always been the type of person who was uncomfortable holding other people's babies. I felt awkward. With my own, it is so natural. I will miss that.

So I'm giving away all of my maternity clothes and all of my baby stuff just so I'm not tempted to do this again. And in a year from now, if I start talking crazy about having another one, someone out there grab me by the shoulders and shake some sense into me. (I know Sam is calling to schedule a vasectomy as he reads this!)

Bad picture, bad lighting, but you can clearly see I have one too many and it's not the baby.

Am I saying I might have another one? No. Absolutely not. In fact, my doctor even told me I'm through. The reality is, with every baby I have from here on out, it will just be more time in the NICU because they just keep coming earlier. If I got pregnant again, I would spend the entire third trimester terrified of how early my water was going to break. But that is not the only reason. I know that my sanity is at stake. And I don't want more kids. I know we are through but I guess I am just saying I will miss this.

Around Here

So I'm sure you all assumed I died since you haven't heard from me since Buster came home. Things are actually going really well and I've just been content to hold him and love on him every second.


Here is what else has been going on...

1. I'm loving Glee. I swear the show was written just for me. I have all the episodes tivo'd and I'm behind so every night I get to watch a show. Were you all dying at the Madonna episode? It was the best one yet. I love the story line with Finn's mom and Kurt's dad dating. And Sue Sylvester is my hero. She is the funniest thing on tv right now. Yet, she is so sweet with her down syndrome sister, I always end up in tears.

2. I know Dancing with the Stars is for old people but I promise I just tivo it to watch Erin and Maks. Are they the cutest couple ever? Do you think they a couple in real life? I'm obsessed with them. This is what happens when I have nothing else to think about:


3. Luke pooped his pants today. Yes, Luke. My almost 7 year old. He was laughing so hard, he pooped his pants. I was soooo mad. I was nursing, and I was yelling at the top of my lungs at him and probably scared the living daylights out of the baby. Now I'm hoarse.

4. The baby is getting some newborn pictures taken in the morning with my friend Jen Fairbanks. She took Ryan's too and they were beautiful. I decided not to wait until 6 weeks like I did with my other babies because my kids are huge by 6 weeks and I want to remember how tiny Buster is right now. He is still 6 pounds and he turned 2 weeks today. Did I mention how cute he is...oh yeah.

Ryan at 6 weeks

5. I am going to be in some of the pictures. Because of some ginorm nursing boobs, I will hopefully just be doing face type shots. I'm too big for all my clothes and Buster is too little for all of his. It's a cruel world.

6. Getting meals brought in is the best thing on the planet. The meals that my friends have brought have made me embarrassed for every meal I've ever taken someone else. I can't figure out why I'm not losing any weight...

7. Sam bought me a new stainless steel Kitchenaid mixer and blender for Mother's Day. I get to say adios to my cobalt blue stuff. This is BIG! One of my biggest regrets in life was buying blue appliances. What the crap was I thinking?

8. I have a good husband. I sent him to Target with a list of feminine type products such as nursing pads and such and he didn't bat an eye. Four kids will do this to a man.

9. I'm kind of wondering how much longer it is acceptable for me to keep tooling around in sweats. Any thoughts? I did get my hair and eyebrows done yesterday so I haven't completely let myself go.

10. If anyone in the greater SL area is reading this, I need a diet coke stat.

My Mom

My mom with a very fat Ryan.

I have gone on record before saying what a wonderful grandma my mom is. Anyone who knows my mom knows what I am talking about. Not only does she babysit regularly, she is the grandma that goes out and makes a snowman with my kids. She is the grandma that dyes Easter eggs and does her own egg hunt for them. She is the grandma that takes Luke to Cowabunga Bay and actually goes down the slides with him because I don't want to. She is also the grandma that plans princess days and has special themed rooms in her home for grandma sleepovers.

She is a wondeful grandma, but she is also the world's best mother. This year, she gave me the greatest gift. I am already crying as I type this. When my water broke unexpectedly, I knew I only needed to make one phone call and I wouldn't have to worry about my kids for a minute. She dropped everything and raced out to my house and basically didn't leave for two weeks. What makes this extraordinary is that she was supposed to move to her new home this weekend and has put all of that on hold so that she could take care of my other kids.

She made it possible for me to be in the hospital nearly full time with my newborn, when she knew I couldn't leave him. I never got calls about not knowing what to feed my kids or dress them in, even though I left her with an empty refridgerator and a pile of dirty laundry.

In true Linda fashion, she ran out to Gymboree and bought him a preemie wardrobe. Here he is in one of his new outfits. He really is tiny:

She even made time to come up to the NICU three different times to be with me late at night as I fed Mitchell. Sometimes you just need your mom and I was so grateful to have her there. If I live to be 100, I don't think I will ever receive a greater gift than what she gave me the last two weeks. Thanks mom. I love you. Happy Mother's Day!

ps. If you want to read about what made her a great mom, go here.

Happy Mother's Day, Indeed!

My little Buster came home today! It is absolutely wonderful having him at home and knowing he is healthy. As much as I hated having him in the NICU, I do appreciate all that modern medicine can do for preemie babies.


Yesterday, Mitchell got a new roommate--a cute baby with the most ghetto, gangster parents on the planet. I could have done without the hour and half long, profanity- laced tirade I heard through the curtain. The parade of characters these people brought to see the baby was pretty remarkable too.

Long story short, I didn't feel like I could leave Mitchell alone for a second for fear that one of these visitors, high on who knows what, could hurt my baby. Yes, I know Sam is rolling his eyes as I type this, but I don't call the baby Buster for nothing---I'm a little over-protective right now. So it was a total relief to load him into his carrier and get him the H out of there.

Chillin' at home--he looks so much like Sammie

Here are some pictures of him meeting the sibs:





I can't believe I have four kids--Do I look like I have my hands full?!

Thoughts from the NICU

First, Mitchell is doing really well! He is finally off the feeding tube and nursing and taking bottles which is huge for a baby his age. He may get to come home this weekend which would be the best Mother's Day gift ever! Sorry for no picture on this post--I'll add one later when I'm not using the NICU computer.

Being in the NICU, life has slowed down a lot for me. There is a lot of sitting and cuddling and holding my baby, which has given me a lot of time to think. In some ways it has been a blessing, because I know when he goes home, I will have three loud, crazy kids all around us all the time and I have enjoyed the quiet time in the hospital with just the two of us. Here are some of my random thoughts about birth and everything that has happened since:

1. When you enter the hospital to give birth, you might as well check your dignity at the door. The sooner you give in to it, the better. You will have no privacy and at some point, you will not care anymore at all.

2. I think at least 50 people have seen my boobs in the NICU. Half that many have actually handled them. And I am fine with it.

3. After you have a baby, your emotions will be completely crazy for at least two weeks. Some days I am fine. The day I got discharged, I cried for 24 hours straight. I cried at Kneaders when I ordered our food. I cried at Harmon's when I saw a girl load my same carrier into her car, I cried (and screamed at Sam) for not brushing the kids teeth. Sam was very afraid.

4. Sometimes bad things turn out to be a blessing in disguise. I was so mad that I could no longer stay at the hospital to nurse Mitchell around the clock. The minute I sunk into my own bed, I knew it was the right decision. I needed to come home. The last two nights in my own bed have been glorious.

5. It's true that your other kids immediately look huge. Ryan looks obese to me and I've already talked to my mom about limiting his cookies and treats. Even his head was gigantic when I shampooed his hair. Poor kid is the same and yet he looks mongo to me.

6. It's a pretty safe bet that Mitchell is going to be my Buster (have you all watched Arrested Development?) Buster spent 11 months in the womb and even though he is an adult, his mother completely babies him. After this experience, I am going to be so overly protective of this baby--he's certain to be a Buster.

7. I'm pretty certain that Mitchell is the most beautiful baby in the whole hospital--maybe ever born. I'm assuming every mother feels the same way.

8. I have the best friends and neighbors on the planet. You really see how much people care about you when you go through something like this. I am blown away with the text messages, emails, phone calls, dinners, gift baskets, offers for babysitting, etc. I feel very loved. I've decided that the best gift ever when someone has a baby is to bring dinner. I am going to start doing this more for other people.

9. Talking to other mothers in the NICU makes me realize how minimal my situation is and how dire the circumstances could have been and how bad it is for other people. (Awesome run-on sentence.) Another mom in here had her baby girl at 24 weeks and has been coming for 7 weeks so far. She has months and months ahead of her. I have no problems.

10. I know that prayers are answered and I can honestly feel the power of everyone praying for us. It means so much to me. I also believe in Priesthood blessings. Sam showed up with a friend unexpectedly one evening when I was at the end of my rope. They gave him a Priesthood blessing. I know it is the reason that Mitchell has started eating. His progress really has been miraculous.

Hopefully, my next post will be that he is coming home!

Update on Baby Mitchell

The last 5 days have been crazy. Having a baby in the NICU is every bit as tiring and stressful as I remember. Baby Mitchell is doing well. He is totally healthy, which I am so grateful for. He just has to learn to eat completely on his own in order to go home. The doctor and nurses tell me that babies born at 34 weeks just do not have the sucking reflex. But that he will develop it as he matures. Each day he does a little better with the nursing. I go down to the NICU every three hours to work with him. Today he latched on and ate for 8 minutes which is awesome.

I've been staying here at the hospital as a "hotel stay" so that I can go down through the night and nurse him. The charge nurse just came in and told me that I have to leave today. To be honest, I broke down after she left the room because I just can't bear the thought of really going home without him. He is so tiny and furry and I feel like I need to be here around the clock to nurse him and hold him and love on him. I'm also worried that since I won't be able to be here at night, it will just prolong his stay because he will have to take his night feedings through a tube and it will be less time for me to be with him and nurse him.

Anyway, I'm obviously a mess with all the postpartum emotions as well. I have to just focus on the fact that he is doing so well and improving with the eating each day. Please continue to keep him in your prayers!