Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bachelorette: Home Town Dates

Every time I watch a season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette, the home town dates are my favorite episode.  Let's get right to it.  Who wouldn't want to take Emily home to meet the 'rents?  She is beautiful and poised and really can do no wrong.  (I apologize in advance for the super fuzzy photos.)

We started with Chris' polish family in Chicago.  The date was fine.  Chris took her to a nasty little hole in the wall bar of some sort for drinks before taking her home.  His parents seemed nice.  Mom was a little intense with her psychobabble.  And older sister Renee looked a little too much like Emily (but a less cute, plastic version.)  I thought Chris' other brunette sister was cute.  Chris finally drops the L bomb on Emily which she seemed pleased with and rewarded him with a kiss.  I thought we were done and then next thing you know, a huge group of polish people show up to dance.  That was probably the death knell for Chris.  Who am I kidding? Chris was on the chopping block before the date ever started.

Next, we came to Zion (for the first time ever in Bachelor history!!)  Jef with one F brings Emily to his family ranch someone in the middle of Southern Utah desolation country.  It was fun to see Jef (who is a total hipster) in the outdoors shooting guns and driving a four wheeler.  Somehow, even in the rural environment, he managed to get his hair higher than ever!  I loved his quote to the cameras "How do I win over Emily?  Shoot every one of those clay pigeons."  I don't know why..but it was funny at the time.  Emily loved seeing Jef shooting pigeons in his skinny jeans too.  I thought Jef's siblings seemed very nice, though his older brother seemed a little intense.  The sisters liked using the word "like" a little too much but in the end, they seemed to approve of Emily.  The brunette sis-in-law was the one who nominated Jef to go on the show.  I learned that little tidbit because I "like" Jef on facebook.  I have no dignity.

After dinner, Jef took Emily up on the mountainside to watch the sunset.  He read her the sweetest letter I have ever heard in Bachelorette history (and I know that isn't saying much considering the only other letter we heard this go round was from the Ox!)  As a single mother, the letter made me swoon.  It made Emily swoon too.  I think my favorite part was when Jef said he would teach Ricki how to love by loving her mother forever. 

Next, we headed next to Scottsdale, AZ to Arie's hometown.  First, Arie had to show off for Emily at the racetrack and we got some gratuitous footage of Emily walking toward the car with her suit half unzipped carrying her helmet with the wind blowing her hair.  She might have even been walking in slow motion.  She did look good in her blue tank top.  After the ride, Arie took Emily home.  I thought Emily looked really overdressed...four inch heels and tiny coctail dress anyone?  Arie's house seemed really dark and we didn't see much of his family.  We saw that little exchange where Arie's mother was speaking in Dutch to Arie about Emily (totally rude yet it somehow made Arie seem smarter!) and then we saw the little conversations between Arie and his dad and Emily and Arie's mom.  It all went well and Emily seemed more in love with Arie than ever.

Finally, we went to Dallas to see Sean and his perfect family.  Everything was perfect about him including the perfectly manicured brick houses on his street, the perfect pool in the back, and the perfect little playhouse.  The only thing that wasn't perfect was Sean's horrible yellow striped V neck.  Awful.  And Sean's dad...so over the top.  That dude should have taken a Valium before the show.  But you can tell Sean's parents are good Southern God fearing people who just want Sean to be able to "give himself to a woman."  What the heck does that mean?  Is Sean a virgin?  If so...yay!  But let's just say the word.

I am so glad that Fleiss has moved away from doing the dumb tricks and silliness that has accompanied the home dates in the past (remember Gia's mom doing the card reading?  ugh.)  But the trick at Sean's house was legitimately awesome.   Sean announced to Emily that he lived at home and took her up to see his "room" which was totally messy and covered in stuffed animals.  I loved how he said "I wish my mom had cleaned up."  I wanted to kill him and so did Emily.  It was really funny.  Finally, he admitted he was joking.

Of course, when it was time for Emily to leave, Sean gave her a kiss and then decided he needed another kiss as the SUV pulled away.  He chased it down his street yelling "Emmmmiiiiilllllllyyyyy!"  just like he was back on the streets of Prague.  I found it so cheesy, I could barely watch.  He gives Emily the most nasty grandma kisses with just a hint of tongue...like nothing touches except the very tips of their lips.  I was honestly convinced at the end of the date, that Sean, not Chris, was going home.  That's how little chemistry those two have.  Don't you worry, Sean will be gone next week!  Mark my words.

The rose ceremony was back in LA (and I have no idea why.)  But of course, Chris didn't get the rose and acted like a total a-- and went home fuming.  That dude showed his true colors all along.  I hope every woman in the greater Chicago area is running scared.  He is a psychopath (with devil eyes!)

Next week, we are going to the Caribbean!  Bring on the romance!


Brandi said...

I agree with it all! AMEN!

LKC said...

I think Arie's family may have ruined it for Arie. There's no way Emily would ever fit in with them and clearly, they have desire to make her comfortable. Speaking Dutch in front of her, about her! That's rude in any country. And I thought his mom was a beeotch. (I think I'm just angry because it's the fourth of July and my husband has work and kids have school and it's raining.)

As much as I want it to work with Sean, I don't see it happening. His kisses make me want to slap him. He looks like a giraffe with that tongue thing.

I'm switching to team Jef, as sad as I am to say it. Ugg, now my stomach hurts...

HCJ said...

Okay LKC. You've come clean and you're watching the Bachelorette. YAY! My husband is working 15 hours today, it's been raining here and we're sick. Great excuse to watch TV.

This has been a three person contest for awhile now. Crazy eyed Chris was the pity date.

On paper, Arie and Sean should be the perfect fit--especially Sean. It is like Barbie and Ken. Can you imagine how beautiful their kids would be? They have similar backgrounds, religion etc. If I were a marriage counselor, I would probably tell her to pick him.

I want to like Arie more than I do. There is something poetic about Emily going after a driver again. They have chemistry.

But Jef...he's a punk-natch Utah hipster type I know too well and despise... and on some weird level, it works. At least on TV.

What is Emily seeing in Jef that we're not seeing? And why are the active Mormon in-laws nominating their brother-in-law to be a man-whore on national television? I have so many questions.

Carolyn said...

I thought that joke Sean played was the funniest thing ever! But sadly I fell for it.. I could totally see him living at home, cuddling is stuffed animals, eating cookies in bed , waiting for his mom to clean it all up. We never did see where he really lived. I hope he is gone next week!

The DeVito's said...

I think Sean's family was hilarious! Based on family alone I pick him. The yelling in the street and kissing made me want to puke.

If I were here I would get rid of Arie just because of his family. You KNOW if they are speaking dutch in front of her now they will be down the road when things aren't so happy and rosy!

I liked her date with Jef - his family is so your typical Mormon family.

I hope she doesn't make the mistake and choose Arie when all they have is physical chemistry. I think she's reliving her past with him. Wanting what wasn't.

Chris is PSYCHO! During every rose ceremony the looks he gives her freaks the crap out of me!! He totally showed his true colors when she sent him home. HELLO YOU CAME HERE TO GET DUMPED! The odds were better for that than to win!

GNB said...

I'm with LKC on this one. I can't believe that Arie's mom was so rude as to speak Dutch in front of Emily. But I was more surprised when Arie just kept right on going in Dutch. At least for a while...

I also thought that it was very interesting that Arie's mom was grilling Emily on her relationship with Brad. Talk about awkward.

I also agree with HCJ as well that Chris does have crazy eyes and I thought that the kiss she gave him after he told her he loved her was more of a pity kiss than anything else. Either that or she just didn't want to have to hear him talk anymore!

Brooke, your comment about having no dignity because you "liked" Jef on FB was pretty funny. I'm sure Jef's picked up a lot of new FB friends over the past few weeks.

Also Chris' exit was just great television!

Happy 4th of July!

Alyson said...

I love your weekly recaps. I haven't watched the show since the first Bachelorette with Trista & Ryan...but reading your weekly updates almost makes me want to watch it!

LAURA said...

Agreed, Sean's kisses have been disgusting, tight-lipped puckers and then all the sudden a huge tongue coming out of nowhere. I fell in love with Jef when he read that letter.

I think she has a good future with either Sean or Jef, not so much with Arie. I think he'd run as soon as the going got tough or another cute girl comes along (which they inevitability do).