Monday, January 17, 2011

Dear Mr. Fleiss,

Dear Mr. Fleiss,

I love your show. You've really got something good. But please, please never subject us to the therapist again. It was excruciating. If you need more footage, don't show us more of Brad soul-searching. Show us more of Brad showering, Brad in the hot-tub, Brad in his convertible, you get the picture...


Brooke H.

Now, let's get down to business.

First, Let's talk about the elephant in the room. How on EARTH did Seal bag Heidi Klum? I couldn't even focus on the rest of Ashley and Brad's date because all I could think about is Heidi Klum's perfect face and body and Seal's sweet spirit (You know what I mean!) Someone explain it to me? They even have kids together. I think it's for real:

I've said it before. I think Ashley S is adorable. Loved her leggings and cute black and white top. Love her crappy singing (I can relate!) Loved her getting emotional about her dad. I just don't think she will end up with Brad. I think she is going to be his BFF. I'm sad for her.

Does every woman on the show have a dad issue of some sort? We got dead dads, delinquent dads, cheating dads...the list goes on. I think it was some sort of prerequisite to coming on the show.

Let's discuss the group date. Didn't we just see this same group date last week? I'm so over it. Were you all embarrassed for the girl who talked about getting pit stains in her work-out top? (The same girl who talked to Brad about her bum being too big for her last boyfriend.) Cringe again.

I should have stuff to say about Shawntel (the funeral director) from this date since she got the rose and all, but she is kind of mute and boring so I've got nothing to say. All I really want to say is how annoying Michelle is. I could say that all night. I was soooo relieved when she didn't get the rose. Shame on you Fleiss for leading us on like that!

I wanted to roll my eyes when Michelle was acting like she feels bad about leaving her daughter to come on the show. I wonder how she felt when she slept with Boozer. Oh crap. Did I just say that? Do you all love it as much as I do when she does the fireworks thing to describe her kiss with Brad? Classic. Loved her telling Brad "We're in our first fight" and he's like "we are?" He knows she's crazy but he's a slave to her looks. Annoying.

Sweet sweet little Barbie doll Mother Theresa Emily. I love that description of her. You want to hate her but you can't. A good friend of mine thinks she looks like a playmate with the bleached hair and the hooker shoes. It's true but you can't be a hater. Her story even made me tear up and I have a black heart. Loved her date with Brad.

Are we all loving Chantel? Good, me too. I'm confused about the vampire. Why did she leave? I kind of think she didn't think she had a chance and didn't want to get hurt. Or maybe, she just wanted Emily to win.

Finally, the crazy exit interviews. This is why I watch people. Neither girl let me down. The first decided to go all "I'm the bomb and he's missing out" and the other went completely sob-fest, mascara dripping down the face, "I'll never find love again." I felt bad for that girl. Someone needed to tell her the 90s called...

Can't wait 'till next week.


The Mostess said...

I'm too classy to watch this show,but my friend in KY said that she thought Vampire Girl was wearung a "formal Snuggie." Do you agree?

Liz said...

I must say, I never watch it, but found myself drawn in a little last night. Addicting.

She seriously slept with Boozer? Isn't he married? (yeah I's the NBA, like it matters)

Alyse Burt said...

I've decided that Michelle is a crazy genius. She has a movie coming out in Feb. and just in time to promote it she is crazy and mean enough to get the most air time. I don't know if she really is crazy or actually a good actress but it is working to promote her career. She now shares headlines with Ryan Reynolds. And to make this world even smaller, My husband Ryan served his mission with her ex-husband.

Dave & Kami said...

i love your re-cap brooke. you are always so dead on! Michelle is crazy, but i think Aslyse was right that she's just trying to promote her acting career. Emily is cute but does look like a playmate.:) I'm still trying to decide who my favorite girl is?

SewSara said...

amen to all of it.
i so look forward to these posts each week.

Denise said...

You are brutal, but maybe that will get you on some talk show or something! I'd like to see all those girls pitted against would win for sure.

I think the dead dad girl was way too emotional and it was just too over the top. LOVE Emily. Michelle's an annoying freak but I like her for some reason.

I actually like the therapy portion but i want to be a therapist and I want all men to go to therapists to become more sensitive...yeah know you think I'm a dork now.

Vampire girl was just there for the tv attention and felt bad about Emily. I think that's why she left.

Who is Boozer???

Jessica F. said...

I love your recap.

Jenn J. said...

-How'd you know about Boozer?! Intriguing.
-Also, what is this movie? I wondered if she was in it for something. (Wait, a bachelorette who's NOT on the show for "the right reasons?!" SHOCKING!)
-Emily = Darling. Love her. But why wasn't she at the cocktail party? She didn't show up until the rose ceremony. Weird.
-My guess was that vampire girl was wishing she hadn't pulled the whole vampire thing. Her exit was weird, but totally fine with me.
-LOVE the recap.

Anonymous said...

As always, love the recap! Gives me something to look forward to on Tuesdays!

LAURA said...

dead on as usual. I love how open and sweet Brad is with everyone, he always says the right thing

Stephanie said...

Oh, I cringe that they showed him with his therapist. I like that he is humble enough to do it but that is all I get out of that.

I love (can I say love?) how they have so much time devoted to interviewing Michelle. They know they have a gold mine with her and everything she says and does! She could be a show all by herself--no acting needed. She is entertaining. The other girls all sense the daggers in Michelle's eyes. She's more scary than vampire girl ever was. I actually had much more respect for vampire girl after last night. All her walls came crashing down when Emily shared her life story and she showed that she does have a heart. Awww. :)

I think Emily has this clinched now but I like Ashley S. Who can compete with a beautiful, glowing Mother Teresa? Maybe someone else would have a chance if they could extinguish that light she radiates from the inside...not likely though. The end of the show where she had to bleeped out just made her more endearing to me--who else could sound so sweet saying "crap?"

Ashley said...

The exit interviews really were the best part. I was so embarrassed for the first girl--"SOME guys find me attractive . . . " She must have been mortified watching that. The next one with the mascara running down her face--seriously she'd known Brad all of what, a week! Anyhoo, so funny about Seal and Heidi Klum. And the vampire! I'm not sure she really wanted to go until Brad said, "If you are telling me you're leaving . . . I respect that!" At least she was smart enough to take the hint.

Mandee said...

Oh, Liz is as sweet and innocent as she looks in her profile picture, isn't she. Bless her heart.

Now I just want to come over to your house every Monday night to watch. What if I bring mint brownies and diet coke from Kneaders?

Amy M. said...

What about these two comments of michelle's?:
"...soft, sexy, slippery kiss"
"we'll be practicing making babies."

oh and I swear she's done the fireworks thing at least twice.

Emily is gorgeous , playmate twin and all. And so sweet.

Pandy said... win. I did start watching and I admit it can be a little addicting. But, please tell me you're not sad for womankind when you watch these bimbos. Call me a cynic but who goes on national TV to find love?? And, who wants a guy, no matter how cute, who kisses (rather passionately) your competition (over and over)??

Moving on.....I want to punch myself in the face every time I see Michelle. I've lost respect for Brad just because he tolerates her. Somebody needs to put a muzzle on her.

I like Emily (after all she's from NC), but I don't see her with Brad YET. She's a little too uptight, although she's beautiful and SOOOOO southern.

As for Seal and Heidi......I think they love each other. Imagine that. Maybe there is more than looks to consider.

Linda said...

hmmmm, Michelle. I hate to even give her more attention as that is obviously what she is seeking. The more I learn about her (I'm not really trying to learn stuff about her) the more I detest her and can see right through her pretense. She did two interviews on our local TV (for out-of-Salt Lakers) right after the Bachelor. She is an "aspiring actress" (gag me) and she is all about promoting herself. (give me the barf bag) She was talking on the interview like she was this really faithful good Mormon mom - "I just want my daughter to know she is a daughter of God." This was right after we saw her performance on the show. ("practicing making babies, etc.) Here's the low-down - SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE CUSTODY OF HER LITTLE GIRL!! And she's slept w/ everyone from Boozer to P-Diddy. Brad deserves better - at least a fresh piece of gum to chew! Wake up, Brad!

Jill said...

I don't even watch this show and I'm feeling embarrassed for these girls! The whole concept is painful for me, so I can't stomach it.

You cracked me up multiple times in this post, first with your ideas for extra footage and then with this line, "Her story even made me tear up and I have a black heart. Loved her date with Brad."