Friday, January 14, 2011

Every Dog has his Day

There is no particular reason for this post. I promised Sam I would not mention the significance of this day on my blog. So without further ado. Here are 36 things about Sam:

1. I have called him "Dog" since before we were married. Sometimes I call him "Babe." I rarely call him Sam.

2. He is an attorney and works in-house for one of Larry H. Miller's companies here in town. Though we are both attorneys, we never, ever discuss the law or his work at home--too boring:

The dog being all serious and lawyerly.

3. Sam lived in Pittsburgh as a child and is a rabid Steelers fan. He has traveled to several games and dreams of seeing the Steelers play at home in Pittsburgh.

4. He wears a very ugly Steelers tie to church when they have a big game. He has also been known to wear some yellow Steelers socks to church as well.

5. His dream when he retires from the law is to buy (I hope rent) an RV and follow the Steelers for a year:

6. Sam has an uncanny knack to be able to imitate just about anyone. Beware!

7. About once a year, Sam gets all domestic and brings home a huge frozen turkey. We call it "the bird." He then prepares an entire Sunday dinner with all the side dishes. This year, he paced around the kitchen for a good fifteen minutes before he worked up the courage to remove the neck. He finally got it out and almost gagged in the process. To which I always respond "Save the neck for me Clark!"

Sam holding the neck. Yes, he is wearing latex gloves. He has his own box just for these types of projects.

8. Sam has the nicest dress clothes on the planet. However, he has the trashiest collection of casual clothes you have ever seen. We are talking cargo shorts, Steelers tees and Steelers polo shirts. Casual Friday at his work has been a major source of stress for both of us.

9. For years, he has been afraid of sweaters--the heat! This year, I finally convinced him to try one. He now owns three. A huge victory for me!

10. Sam has a man crush on Robert Downey Jr. and Hugh Jackman.

11. His favorite movies are Tropic Thunder and Wedding Crashers.

12. He has run the St. George marathon three times. I keep telling him to cross it off his bucket list:

That is my friend Missy crossing the line. Sam is right behind her. Sadly, this is my only picture of Sam from the race because I wasn't there. Thanks Missy for the photo!

13. I believe that each time he ran the marathon, Sam placed in the Clydesdale category, for which he is both proud and ashamed.

14. Sam always orders well at restaurants. He will also eat pretty much anything without complaining. The result is that oftentimes, he will end up having to trade me plates when I pouting because I ordered badly.

15. Sam is a food snob and turns his nose up at chain restaurants like Chili's and the OG.

16. He has a love of Disneyland that is unparalleled. Each year, we go for a longer period of time. The first year, it was two days, then three, then four. I fear we will do a five day Bataan Death march through the park when we go next month:

Sam enjoying the "Dapper Dans" at D-land.

17. I know Sam would secretly love to get involved in the pin trading but is too prideful to do it.

18. Each night, Sam reads Harry Potter to Luke. There is no question that he enjoys it as much as Luke does.

19. Sam loves technology and gadgets of any kind. I considered buying him the ipad for Christmas and then got a hold of myself--He already has the iphone. If he had an ipad, I can pretty much guarantee he would never look up again.

20. Sam is constantly talking about how when my grandma dies, he can't wait to stop at Subway for a six inch turkey on wheat. This might sound completely crass and inappropriate and it is. He only says it because when his grandmother passed away 9 years ago, I was starving after the funeral and made him pull through Subway on our way to the cemetery for the burial. Turns out the line at Subway was long and we missed the graveside prayer. He has never let me forget it and promises that he will be hitting subway after my grandma's funeral for payback:

21. He honestly believes you get what you pay for. If given the choice between two items, he will generally buy the more expensive of the two.

22. Sam will hate me for telling this but he goes tanning regularly.

23. When we first got married, Sam cared a lot about politics. He would wake up early on Sunday mornings to watch Meet the Press and volunteered on campaigns, became a delegate, etc. Now he is completely apathetic to the entire process.

24. He once called in to the Larry King Show and actually got to ask a question on the air. I'll never forget Larry saying "Are you there Provo" and then hearing Sam's voice asking the question. It was a big moment.

25. For the most part, Sam watches manly tv shows like PTI, Burn Notice and Dexter, but he does enjoy the real housewives series. He was really into the Real Housewives of New York and would defend Ramona to no end. It drove me crazy. He finally turned on her and admitted she was crazy.

26. Sam is generally mortified by all of my customer service disputes and will hide when I make my calls to management or have a throw down with an employee. However, one time a few months ago, he got on the phone with someone from Direct tv and opened a can. I've never heard Sam so persuasive or argumentative in my life. He got everything he asked for, including a year of free cable. Apparently, you don't get between a man and his tv.

27. Sam hates my feet. He calls them the feet of a "Kansas city crack-whore." He thinks they looks like the feet of a woman who has been walking barefoot for three weeks down Hollywood Blvd, turning tricks for a dime bag of hash.

28. Sam is the best dad on the planet. He spends a ton of time with the kids every night wrestling, helping with homework, reading and cuddling. He takes them camping, to Bees games and on bike rides. Tonight he is taking the older three to the Jazz game by himself.

29. Sam has very eclectic taste in music. If you listen to his ipod, you will hear everyone from Kenny Rogers to Lionel Richie to Meatloaf to hardcore rap.

30. He loves the Broadway play Wicked.

31. To this day, when I see a silver Honda civic, I think of Sam. That was the car he drove when we met and for the first few years of our marriage. It will always be him to me:

32. He now drives a black jeep wrangler. He actually tried to convince me not to have fourth child because then we all couldn't fit in his jeep for Sunday drives. Turns out, we all just smash in there anyway.

33. Speaking of our fourth child, Buster is Sam's spitting image:

34. Sam has no interest in anything pertaining to interior decorating. He was more than willing to pay for our home remodel last year and even install the hard-wood floors as long as he didn't have to be involved at all in any of the selection of colors, products, etc.

35. Sam is very funny and everyone falls in love with his sense of humor. He still makes me laugh all the time.

36. Sam is a great guy and I'm glad he is mine. I love you Babe! If you are really desperate to read more about Sam, go here and here!


Lauri said...

Happy Birthday Sam!!

Liz said...

I'm so with him on the Robert Downy Jr thing. Happy Birthday Sam!

Heather said...

Every time we have turkey I pull out the Christmas Vacation quote. Nice work! Happy birthday Sam!

Linda said...

Happy 36th B-day, Sam!! I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one he imitates - and imitates well! (Not to mention that Sam came up with my nickname, "Bobby" - short for Bobby Knight.) And I have an old set of state pins I'm gonna give you for your b-day. About the 5th day at Disneyland you are gonna need something else to do. . .

Jill T said...

Good list Brooke. Happy Birthday Sam.

shelby said...

hilarious! happy birthday!

Laura B. said...

I LOVE lists like this...especially for husbands.
I'm totally with Sam on the hugh jackman thing. I love him. (hugh...not sam)
Ben also is a closet Housewives fan. I don't get it.
We LOVE Disney and TOTALLY get Sam's love for that!!! The longer, the better. We're going to Disneyworld in 6 weeks for 8 days! HOORAY
Happy Birthday Sam!

Megan said...

Man, I wish we lived by you guys.

Jill said...

You guys are so funny, it sounds like you two have a lot of humor in your marriage and that's a good thing.

I have crushes on Robert Downey Jr. and Hugh Jackman as well.

Mandee said...

One of my favorite pictures of all time is of Sam at Disneyland ... it's incredible that a grown man can look that happy there. Happy Birthday Sam!

Em said...

BUSTER!!!!!!! My baby is asleep right now but tomorrow I am showing her his picture. I just KNOW she'll think he's adorable!

This is a really great tribute to your man. And I must admit his excellent taste in man crushes.

Chuche drove a silver Honda Civic when I met him, too. A good sign when picking a man!

Amy M. said...

Here are some of my random thoughts throughout this great post:
-I think Buster is absolutely adorable, and I'm not just saying that.
- Sam and Micah are a lot alike. For instance, he too cares about his work clothes and not one ounce about his casual attire.
- Micah has an iphone and is always on it or playing with it. Always. He is going to soon buy an ipad. I'm sunk, aren't I? He'll never look up again. You were smart to not purchase.
-I'm impressed about Sam's marathons and placing in the St. George every time.
- Hilarious Subway story.
-The Dapper Dans photo is the best! It shows how much he loves D-land
-We are going to Disneyland next month too! Let's discuss dates. If we overlap, Micah would love to give Sam another high-five.

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday Sam! Just so you know, I'll pretend I didn't read this when I see you in person and you look really tan! :) You two are so funny!

The Mostess said...

I love Sam. He's a gem. You rarely get a Disney-loving-gangsta-rap-quoter. When you do, you hold on tight.

I love that Dapper Dans photo. Pure magical bliss.

There is no excuse for tanning. Just get some bronzer.

Happy Birthday!!

Sam said...

Strangely, the only thing I asked Brooke for on my birthday was "no blog entry." It has nothing to do with the blog, I just detest birthday attention with every fiber of my being. I always want the day to pass quickly, quietly, and with minimal self loathing.

With that said, I will address this entry's philosophies of Brooke mingled with fiction. Most items are accurate, some slightly embellished. The only two worth correcting are (1) the tanning, and; (2) the Clydesdale category.

The tanning has only been a recent development because I have been stricken with leperous-like eczema as I have aged. And I have never been known for my otherwise silky complexion. The fake baking seems to take the edge off.

While I am solidly a Clydesdale (200+ lbs), I never register as one because of the "stigma." And who wants to step on a scale when they pick up their bib? I run slow, but not as a Clydesdale.

Otherwise, a moving tribute. I love you too. Please never do it again.

The Mostess said...

And I only smoke weed because I have chronic back pain.

See ya at the tanning salon!

Tony and Marissa Davis said...

me and tony would love to join sam in his rv to follow the steelers around! haha go steelers! :)

alexandra said...

I love it! My favorite is that Sam was the one to come up with the Bobby Knight reference. So hilarious. How does it feel to be a blog celeb? Happy Birthday to Sam!

Ashley said...

Buster is sooooooo cute. . . .

Things that remind me of Sam:

Hans Solo
Fruit pizza
Civil War paintings
"Hate the player not the game"
Saying "Brooooooooooooke" in a terrible Grandma Warner imitation (by terrible I mean mean, not inaccurate).
"Hey Hey Hey"

Bennett's crying; I'm out!

Anonymous said...

I am not sure which I love more: your post or Sam's response. I got a good laugh out of both! Adam would kill me if I ever did a post like this on his birthday or otherwise...