Thursday, June 21, 2012

Bachelorette: Ding Dong the Ox is Gone!

Was there anything more satisfying than seeing Ox go home?  I will miss him though.  His girly white tank top, his torquise pimp shoes, his little triangles that have been so meticulous carved into his beard....Oh Ox, you do delight me!  I seriously went back tonight and watched his date again...just to laugh.  I love how Chris says "He shaves his legs and plucks his fingers..."  I loved the footage of him getting ready for his date with his voiceover talking about what an attractive man he is. He says the world's dumbest things to Emily. Like when Emily shows up and all the guys are there and he says "The world is our pearl" and then says "you're the pearl!" HAHA!  John and Arie are just cracking up on either side of them.

Then on his date, he tells Emily, "I'm a very safe may not feel safe, but I don't get in accidents."  I was horrified to hear him say that because I use that very same line frequently!  Later, Emily shows up in a gold dress just like a life sized trophy. Ox takes advantage of their time during dinner to pull out another list.  This time it was a list of 10 things he wants his wife to do for him like always encourage him and never ridicule him.  The last one was "catch my eye" and he said he put that in bold because he wants her to have a sexy personality.  I sometimes wonder if this cat is for real.  He is just too much.  He winks at Emily all the time.  Then when she told him he wasn't getting the rose, he went so quiet and manipulative.  I think he is a snake.  I was so so worried that Emily was going to let him talk her into keeping him.  I wish Emily hadn't told him she wasn't confident in her decision.  She said that several times during the night.  Even if you aren't confident, you've got to learn to fake it girl!

Honestly though, Ox got the last laugh because I tried to download a sweet photo of him from the net and ended up with a virus on my computer. Great. Okay, let's back up.  The first one-on-one date was with Travis...egg man.  I have never liked him.  Nothing wrong with the guy..just kind of dorky.  I love how Emily kept talking about his good heart.  That is what you do when there is no physical connection.  "He has all the qualities I am looking for in a husband" not "I could really see myself marrying Travis."  Their date was totally boring and I knew he was getting the ax. He was lucky to stay as long as he did.  Bye bye.

The Highland games were pretty funny.  I loved the guys on the donkeys in their kilts (and especially the clip at the end of them trying to get on the donkeys and get them moving in the right direction.  Not surprisingly, I found Sean more attractive this week.  He dominated the games...and looked good doing it.  Chris, on the other hand, looked so ridiculous.  For a big, strong man, he couldn't do anything and seemed so awkward, especially shooting the arrow.  He has devil eyes and I don't understand why Emily thinks he is so good looking.  I am just not seeing it.

I loved Emily's conversation with Jef with one F outside on the group date.  He gave her his jacket and they had a great talk.  She asked him why he took so long to kiss her and he said it was because he was afraid of her.  She asked him if it was because he was playing a game and he said "Did it work?  Because if it did, than yes, that was my plan."  He is so cute and charasmatic and I really think he is going to get the final rose.  At least I hope he does.   If he were a foot taller and a decade older, I would be all over his action right now.  But alas, I am a big woman and he is a small man.  Bygones.

The other main contender is Arie.  He has a good personality and I just like him.  I don't care that he is a player...he is a player because he can be.  He is good looking and legitimately funny.  I'll take it.  He proved to be the wisest among the guys by sneaking into Emily's hotel and snuggling with her on her bed.  Brilliant.  I wonder where that would have gone if there was no camera man two inches from their feet.  Can you say "mood killer!"

Some time around the cocktail party, Chris Harrison shows up. Where has he been all this time?  He didn't even stand next to Emily during the rose ceremony..he was outside talking to some chick and rumor has it she was the producer that Arie used to date.  (And she's not cute I might add.)  It looked shady.

But before we get to that, the cocktail party had me in stitches.  First, Emily sits down with John who knows his head is on the chopping block.  So what does he do?  He pulls out his dead grandparents' funeral cards.  Now I don't know what these things are but they did the trick.  He went from crying about them to kissing Emily.  Well played John, well played.

Doug on the other hand, should have to turn in his man card.  Emily spends their whole conversation trying to build up his confidence and actually tells him "you need to be confident Doug!"  A few minutes later, we see Doug completely melting down, sobbing to the cameras about something..I don't even remember.  His son?  I don't know.  I just know I was laughing so hard I was crying.  Yes, crying.  I have a black heart.

So Emily decides to go outside and get an extra rose so she can keep both of these dudes.  I think they both could have gone home that night.  Why prolong the inevitable?  Doug espcially needs to be sent packing. 

Next week, we are going to Prague. I can't wait for the Arie drama!


Linda said...

Agree, agree, agree! Great recap! Don't forget about the Ox's (mother's) scarf tied around his neck. I too, can't believe that John is still there. Isn't he the professional paper shredder?

Em said...

I love to hate the Ox. I think I'm going to miss him. I LOVED how he told Emily that he bought his blue suede pimp shoes to impress her as if it were the clincher.

A friend of mine posted on facebook that she and a group of friends watched this episode WITH One F Jef and that he gave all sorts of behinds the scenes info! Not even an hour after she posted it the post mysteriously disappeared...

Chris is pathetic. Doug is even worse. Humility only takes ya so far, pal! Dude has got to go.

leandparkermakes3 said...

I totally agree with everything you said. Oh Ryan, why do you think you are so great? Stop it with the lists! They only make you look worse! I also loved in the limo on his way out, how he was telling the producers to not paint him in a bad light. Ya, that dude came here for love. Sheesh!
Poor, poor egg boy. He didn't see it coming. I felt bad for him... for a few seconds.
I hope Sean and Jef make it to the final two. They are my favs. Brooke, please say we are having another finale party! I would love to watch it again with you!

Ashley said...

You were born to write these recaps.

I looooooved the Ryan stuff--he is such a fabulous character and you have to wonder if the producers could even script him. I loved the splicing between him and Arie/Jef and him saying he hopes the producers splice it up right so he doesn't come off as an arse.

So funny that you are too big and old for Jef. It's true. I always think even Emily is too big for him, but in that photo you posted she's way shorter--she must be about 5'0--and she's always wearing those crazy high heels.

Can't wait for the producer drama!

Toria said...

i love your re-caps, especially because this season I'm actually watching.
That picture you posted is classic-is Chris lifting his skirt so we can see his flexed quad muscle? Doug is a bit dorky- but holy HUGE bicep (again looking at the photo).
Love Jef- but I think she'll go with Sean in the end. Both are such nice guys- Arie too. I'm hoping that her reasoning seems valid and not just a case of awkward jealousy. So what if they dated (unless it's ongoing)?

PS Brooke- I'm coming to Utah this summer and want to hang out (and maybe even watch the bachelorette with you :))

Emily Redd said...

I was like who is Jon?? They have showed like 2 shots of him the whole show!! I've been rooting for for Arie and now he might turn out to be lame! :( boo! And as for cousin knows him and said he's a total he must be playing his cards well and his hair sucks! I actually like Doug a lot, I think he is super good looking, has an awesome body and loves his son oh so much! I think he does need to man up a bit and if he would have done this from the beginning maybe he would have won her over. I am doubting more and more that she will find love! sad :( oh, and I could not stop laughing when the Ox was reading his list...did you see Emily's face??? LOL!!

Emily Redd said...

p.s. my favorite line was when Arie said if Ryan was the bachelor the bachelorette would be a mirror....hahahaha!!!!

LAURA said...

The second I saw Ryan wearing that girly white tank top, I thought of you and knew it would be included in the did not disappoint! My favorite remains Sean, he is so even-keeled and good-natured, and I think he can even be kinda funny too. And he's hot.