Friday, June 8, 2012

Bachelorette in Bermuda...Like Anyone Still Cares

So this week was crazy for me. Bananas. Ridiculous. It was the last week of school with all of that craziness. And I decided to have my house painted, so we were living between my mom's house and Sam's house and our house.  I wasn't smart enough to pack a suitcase so I made about a dozen trips between the three houses each day.

Once I get my furniture put back where it goes and some things hung on my walls, I will show you the before and after pictures! There was some other emotional stuff going on this week too so the Bachelorette post didn't happen. I did watch. I did enjoy it.

Since I can barely remember my own kids' names right now, it's a safe bet that I have forgotten most of what happened Monday night. But I will give you what I learned so far from this season of the Bachelorette (most of this is from Monday's episode):

1. Don't ever, under any circumstances, talk about being the next bachelor. I don't care if that is the sole reason you came on the show. Don't be talking about it. (Ryan, you are such an idiot.)

2. Don't ever tell Emily you won't "love on her" anymore if she gets fat. (Ryan...this is also for you!)

3. Don't ever give Emily a 7 page letter to read at the cocktail it for the fantasy suite (yes, Ryan, again for you.)

4. Quit worrying about the other guys in the house and focus on your relationship with Emily. (I can't honestly remember why Chris was so mad at Doug but I do remember that Chris came off looking like a total arse.)

5. Don't play the dad card (Doug, this one is for you. Why does Emily think he is so perfect?)

6. If you get the chance to kiss Emily and she wants you to, you better take it. (Jef with one F, this one is for you, kid!  I like you Jef, she likes you...we want you to bring the romance.)

7. Don't wear knee socks to the cocktail party/rose ceremony unless you know it is a joke and the bachelorette will think it is hilarious. (once again, Jef, this is for you.) Did you all notice his socks? My mom thought his slacks were still on the hanger and he was just waiting until the last minute to put them on so they didn't wrinkle.)

8. For the love of everything holy, don't cry on your two-on-one date. Personally, I thought Nate had the rose in the bag. And then he started crying...about his brother. Bye bye.

9. Along the same lines, don't cry when you are eliminated. (Michael, long hair dude, this one is for you.) You barely knew her. We never saw you talk to her. Quit crying, at least save it until you are off camera.

10. Finally, watch Arie and do everything he is doing, because he is doing everything right...he gives the other guys a hard time, but does it in a way that is legitimately funny so he gets away with it. He kisses Emily every chance he gets, and he is hot. Done deal.

I think it is fair to say we could end this thing right now..we know who the winner is going to be.

We are off to one of my favorite cities on Monday...London! I can't wait!


The Mostess said...

I knew from his name that Jef was a loser.

brooke said...

Wash your mouth out Kaari..he is not a loser...he just needs to grow a pair and kiss Emily!

Ashley said...

I still care. My question is this: why is fliess making arie appear like such a shoo in? Is this to satisfy our egos when he wins or is something dramatic going to happen? Usually they try to create some false suspense--like they tried to make us think chantel had a chance against emily. Why give it away so early I ask?

The Mostess said...

A ball-less man names Jef. He's two for two in my book!

jrushing said...

They were bermuda shorts!! I thought he lost his mind for a moment and then I realized he was trying to show some bermuda pride. I mean he does have just one f in his name...

Liz said...

I still care, too. I really don't get Jef. He does NOTHING for me. She has a lot hotter to pick from. And I've heard he is friends with Michelle Money (those SL bachelor people are's like a little club), so how good could he be? I guess she feels like she has to work for him, but I still don't see it.

Ari is my favorite, but I have suspicions that he is a MAJOR player. Too bad. He's playing it perfect.

Dying to see your house. Jim says it gorgeous. Hoping your life calms down this week.

leandparkermakes3 said...

Brooke! I have been waiting for your post! I think Doug is kind of a hot head. He is hiding something for sure. Nate, poor Nate. I felt bad for him, but he isn't ready for her. Michael, no crying. Stay tuned for Jef next week. I think he finally grows a pair. :)

LKC said...

Ari is still the front runner, but Sean is up there in my book. Doug has issues, I'm telling you. Something is off with that guy. I think that's what Chris was trying to call him out on.

Until Jef can get a respectable haircut, I'll fast forward though his portion of the show.

Linda said...

OK, I'm going to come clean and admit that I bought- PURCHASED! (not just read it in the grocery check-out line)Us magazine because Emily was on the cover and it was "exposing" all her secrets. First of all, it has a before and after facial surgery photo of Emily. You won't believe it. She had a nose job, a boob job and botox and what a difference. Then it does say that Arie is kicked off soon b/c he was dating a Bachelorette producer a few years ago (?) SO?? Just FYI Oh, and Jef is friends w/ Michelle Money's brother, who is friends w/ Emily. THis stuff is oh-so important.

Jenn J. said...

LOVE Linda's comment! It makes me feel better about my surgically-unaltered self knowing that Emily's assets are not 100% real. Love your recap. You were right on. Ryan is a dork and will never be the bachelor despite his best efforts. He is, however, a prime candidate for Bachelor Pad!

Hope life calms down soon.

Em said...

I care, too. Better late than never, for sure. But I hope everything is going okay--and not just the painting of your house. Which i can't wait to see!

I'm still thinking Chris Harrison needs to hook up with Emily (only if you don't). Every time he interviews her I read more into it than I should.

Your mom's comment really threw me off my guessing game. I hope the news about Arie isn't true because so far I like him best.

I read somewhere else that joked that pony-tailed Michael took a vow of silence before the show, which really made me laugh.

Elizabeth said...

Hey I got nuthin about the batch but I can't wait to see your paint job and I hope life gets less emotional and calmer quick smart :-) ex

Shavanna said...

Love your bachelor posts and the lawyer guy too, Haven Court I think it is. You are both very funny and I love reading your posts. I personally have to weigh in on Arie. I just don't think he is the one for her. I'm liking Sean more lately and to weigh in on Ryan, I think he appears to be a jerk, but I have a sense he has a real heart in there somewhere, he is just so full of himself that he isn't showing it. I do think he is a bit superficial. He is HOT though, and I don't mean the "sweaty kind".

Kelly said...

I am for Sean all the way. He is totally the cutest one there, and I don't even like blondes. He also seems totally stable and ready for what she wants. I call him as the winner now--maybe Arie is just to camoflauge what's going on with Sean and Emily now???!?

Rachel said...

This is one of the best things I've watched in a long time. I just had to share with a true Bachelorette fan:

(By the way, this is Katie's sister, Rachel.)